Heart and Blood
by GreatScott77
Summary: "Oh what a mighty fine home is this gilded cage!"
1. Chapter 1

Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter One: Introductions—The Circle

"Stop fussing Jowan. Why must you always fuss?" Rae chastised as she attempted to straighten out his robes. He was always so fidgety, so nervous, and at times it got on Rae's nerves, but it was his quirks that she'd come to enjoy the most about him as they grew up together in the Circle. Jowan had been there a year longer than her, and they became fast friends when she was dumped on the tower steps. His situation, as well as many of the others residing within the tower were very much alike. Most were given up as children by fearful families when they began to show signs that they possessed magic. Another large amount, though not as much as the orphaned children were taken by the Templars when neighbors, friends, or a passerby would report something they'd seen. Either way, they all ended up in the tower, or if they didn't—well… most of them didn't want to concern themselves with apostates or maleficarum.

All apostates are maleficarum; it had been drilled into their skulls as they went through their training, though as the children became older it was very apparent that it was only what the Templars and the Chantry wanted them to understand. Not all apostates were maleficarum—and not all maleficarum may be evil. The latter however was less believed even by some of the senior enchanters themselves, but with so many mages in the world Rae had figured it stood to reason that not all maleficarum were darkened remnants of their former selves; which essentially negated the moniker entirely. However, Rae was more than content upon never crossing one to test this theory. Such thoughts considering maleficar and blood mages had come to surface in her as of late because it was rumored that her most beloved friend was a blood mage himself. Rae refused to believe it. There was nothing in Jowan that was capable of any such magic.

As he nervously fidgeted before her, creating creases in his robes where she had just straightened them, it was even more affirmed in her mind.

"I just… I can't help it. You're going to be put through your Harrowing soon I just know it… and I worry," he said. Rumors had begun to surface that Rae would be tested soon, but as always, the exact time and way in which the testing would proceed was kept a well-guarded secret.

Rae smiled and stood back from him, inspecting his robes. His hair was a mess, and his face was set into a permanent state of paranoia, but his robes were perfect.

"There's nothing to worry about Jowan. Really. I will be fine," Rae said in an attempt to reassure him.

"Perhaps. But if you don't, make it…" Jowan added.

"Oh Jowan. Are you worried you'll be left all alone?" Rae teased.

"No! Of course not. No. Why would…"

"Jowan…" Rae folded her arms and tilted her head to the side, quirking a brow. She thought it was endearing that he still hadn't learned by now that she could always see through him. With her he was transparent—at least, she believed he was until the rumors began. She would lay awake at night when the rest of the apprentices were fast asleep in their bunks all around the room and wonder if Jowan had taken leave or not. He would make no noise in his coming and going. Not once did she think to follow him, she trusted him and his reasons. If anything she was a little envious he was able to keep doing so without officially being caught. Every mage deserved a moment of quiet time to themselves, without worrying about eyes boring into their backs. Perhaps tonight she would actually follow him.

No, she didn't believe he was a blood mage in the slightest—but it pained her that after all their years together he didn't trust her enough with his secret. All he had told her was that he had met someone. He was very secretive about who she was, what she looked like or even where she was in the tower. Such capable duplicity from him was somewhat impressive, if not altogether maddeningly frustrating; but it was why Rae was sure he was not blood mage. He must have been sneaking around to see her—but this she would find out with surety tonight.

"Who will I have to fix up my messes for me if anything were to happen to you?" Jowan said. Rae's heart warmed and ached as he spoke to her. She opened her arms and moved forward, embracing him, rubbing his back.

"I will make it through my Harrowing Jowan. If anything, I will make sure that I concentrate harder than I've ever done before, just for you, alright?" Rae said. When she felt his arms embrace her tightly back she smiled.

It had been eye opening when she realized—to her, Jowan had become more than a friend. His bumbling, even sometimes neurotic ways had become something of a welcoming comfort and constant to her in her life. He wasn't always that way; they enjoyed many moments of laughter and merriment, and even sometimes pranks as they grew, but it was her realization that she'd even miss the most irksome of his habits that it was love. Then she was thankful that she was not nearly as transparent as him. Of all the things she shared with him, this was not something she was willing to speak of, not yet. Her decision to keep her feelings to herself was solidified of course the day he told her of this mystery woman.

Jowan let her free from their hug and took a step back from her, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

"I suppose it's still a happy moment yes? You're to become a full-fledged mage. No more having to deal with grunt work, and much more privacy," Jowan said, gesturing to the rows and rows of beds.

"All fine things indeed, but what will I do without our late-night candle light talks Jowan?" Rae asked. Her friend smirked.

"I think you'll manage."

"Alright well, you still won't let me touch your hair and I respect your wishes, but the rest of you is positively presentable. Have a good lesson Jowan," Rae said. Jowan stepped forward, kissed her forehead and patted her on the shoulder, then left. Rae sighed and placed her fingers on her forehead where his lips had touched the skin. Get a grip, seriously. This was ridiculous. Rae strode across the large chamber, passing small groups of chatting people. Some apprentices had pulled bunks together and were playing some sort of card game that had picked up around the lower floors.

Somehow painted portraits attacked one another, casting fake spells and doing fake damage, and the one with the greatest match-up of beasts and warriors won. It was all too dizzying for her to follow up with, as if learning how to control real magic and evade demons wasn't enough. She sat down at one of the vanities along the far wall and took a good long look at herself.

Her blonde hair had faded over the years, possibly from stress of lessons—and nightmares. She picked up a piece between her fingers and looked at it, sighing. If First Enchanter Irving's hair was any indication of her physical future she'd better get used to it. However, she would've rather had lack-luster locks than be inhabited and twisted by a demon. That would've really ruined her complexion. Then there was the Rite of Tranquility. Rae shuddered just thinking of it and wondered what would've been worse. Becoming a demon infested abomination, or an emotionless drone, cut off from the Fade. Then she wondered why she was even thinking of such things. Of course… the Harrowing. She rested her head down on her arms atop the vanity and heaved a great sigh. She was nervous, she was more nervous than even Jowan was for her, but she had to be strong. For him, and a little for herself. Perhaps if she faked courage enough, she would actually find some. With a deep breath inward Rae lifted her head and stood from the vanity.

She wasn't without beauty—that was certain. There was more than one apprentice, mage, and in one instance—a senior enchanter, who had a focused eye on her. However, out of all of these admirers there was one that had interested her most, and that was the templar Cullen. It was not the safest of trysts by any means—but that's what Rae found most intriguing about it.

At first she was none the wiser, but it was Jowan who had indicated to her that Cullen was often… staring in her direction, or that he always happened to be posted in whatever class she was in attendance. Rae refused to believe Jowan initially, she thought him to just be making up stories, or that his anxious mind was concocting these tales of fancy. Regardless, the information had taken root in her mind and she began looking out for the signs Jowan spoke of. Indeed the templar was always in the room where she was studying, and he often glanced her way. So one day, Rae decided to test this theory by taking an innocent stroll past him and pretending to trip on her robes. He immediately shot out to catch her and when he held her she could see it there in his eyes—and she was unable to ignore the thumping in her own chest.

So Cullen was a wonderful distraction from her confused feelings for Jowan—and it wasn't a bad distraction she would tell herself. Cullen was a very handsome man and often spoken about by the other female apprentices. He was kind, if timid, and immensely popular. She wondered if he even knew.

Sure enough as she left the apprentice quarters there he was, posting a vigilant guard in the corridor. When he saw her his lips cracked into a brief smile then faded quickly. Rae grinned and shook her head. Sweet, sweet man. She was disappointed that nothing had gone on between them beyond walks through the halls and chats during meal times. She wanted to meet with him in quiet, where she could really get to know him, but he was sworn to his duty and she… well she was cursed.

"Good day Cullen," she said kindly as she approached him.

"Good day Miss Amell."

"How many times do I have to tell you Cullen? Please call me Rae," she said smiling.

"Perhaps next time," was always his reply. Rae found she loved it. It was a game and she was ready to play. Apprentices were very limited in things to do—study, or brood over when the time would finally come for their Harrowing, which for all their preparation, would come without warning.

There was also the thought of what some of the apprentices unashamedly did with one another during the night; it was not something she cared much to think about either. At least, not until it was her turn; but she abhorred the idea of such an intimate moment being so public.

"Will you be joining me again for dinner tonight?" she asked.

"If you will have me—er… I mean… if my stomach feels so inclined. No… wait…" Cullen shook his head and shifted nervously. "Yes I will."

"Wonderful. I look forward to continuing our discussion on the mysterious lake beast beneath Calenhad. You had quite a compelling argument but I'm still disinclined to agree," Rae said. Now Cullen fully smiled, his eyes lighting up with the prospect of the things he was going to relay to her.

"Then you best prepare for what I have in store to tell you tonight. I've some evidence that you won't be able to refute."

"I look forward to it," Rae said. She enjoyed his smile. It was genuine—and it made her chest ache with longing.

"Are you alright?" he asked her suddenly. She realized she must have been displaying her turn of emotions on her face. As she prepared a pithy statement to cover up the truth, she paused. If the rumors and the buzz was true, and she was to be going through her Harrowing soon—then there was no reason to hold back any longer.

"No… Cullen," she began to say, somewhat sadly. They heard the sound of clanking armor down the hall and watched as a pair of chatting templars approached and moved past. Rae kept quiet, and kept her eyes down until they disappeared through the door into the next wing.

"Are you not feeling well?" Cullen asked. His concern touched her and made things even more difficult.

"I will probably be going through my Harrowing any day now… though you more than likely already know," Rae replied. "It's so stressful when they don't tell us exactly when…" she said as an aside. Cullen nodded somberly. "You know, sometimes I think…" She looked away from him over to the door the two templars had gone through, then back to him. "What do you see when you look at me Cullen?"

"I… what?" he said, caught off guard by the question—and rightfully so. She could see his cheeks begin to redden ever so slightly and she smiled, shaking her head.

"Not that Cullen, I mean… person to person. When you look at me, what do you see?" she asked again.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… do you see… Rae Amell, or do you see… a mage?" She watched his expression change as the meaning of her question began to sink in. It was pity he looked at her with, pity and confusion. One of the things that Rae found herself admiring about this man was his overwhelming sense of duty, but as she felt herself becoming closer to him, she wondered what he defined that as. Was it a duty to protect others from mages, as well as the mages themselves? From themselves; and from others who would harm mages out of their fear of them? Or was it that he only believed that mages were inherently evil, born evil, and would eventually steer in that direction at one point or another?

"I don't think… I should be answering that question," Cullen replied carefully.

"It's just… I don't… ha, I don't think I should even be speaking with you about this, isn't that crazy? Isn't that crazy that I feel like—I can trust you enough? You, who are charged with cutting me down at the very hint of something wrong?" She looked up at him and a worried expression crossed his features. "Oh no no! No… please… Cullen don't think—this is going badly. I should just be out with it shouldn't I? What I mean Cullen is… am I just a mage to you? Or am I a person?" Rae asked. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief as the question left her lips. So overwhelming she was spurred on to continue. "This thing between the templars and the mages, does it truly have to be? Are we not two sides of the same coin Cullen? I'm sure some of my fellows would disagree with me, but I know that I harbor no ill towards the templars, when I truly sit and ponder things I know that all any of us ever hopes to do is the best with what we're given and to uphold our duty."

"Miss Amell…" Cullen began, but Rae held up a hand.

"The fact of the matter is I care… about what you think, isn't that strange too? I care about your opinion. I'm tired of passing templars in these halls Cullen and thinking I'm some kind of separate creature. Am I not a human? Like you? I…"

"Miss Amell."

"No… I'm sorry. I've said too much. I've lost my appetite perhaps I will just… rest through dinner," Rae said nervously. "Good day Cullen." She turned from him. That feeling of relief replaced with a deep uneasy knot forming in her stomach. That was disastrous. This was something Jowan would have done—uncontrollable word vomit, that's what she did. She would be lucky if he didn't report this conversation to his superiors, to Greagoir—to the first enchanter. Rae grimaced and began walking away when Cullen caught her by the arm. She looked at him, surprised. Perhaps he was going to take her to them right away. Such a display of harried emotion would most certainly be a poor reflection of her focus and her control. She didn't wish to be tranquil. A fate worse than death. Anything but being made tranquil. If she begged enough, perhaps he'd let it slide just this once and…

"Rae…" Cullen said. As he spoke her name she felt her heart jump.

"Y—Yes Cullen?"

"When I look at you, I see a woman who works hard, who studies, who focuses—who is intelligent… beautiful, and is a mage," he answered, his words thoughtfully crafted.

"Oh… I… see."

"No listen. You being a mage is part of who you are. Something you were born with, just like your hair, your eyes… your lips…" he paused and cleared his throat nervously then continued. "But it is not all of who you are," Cullen said. Rae smiled, comforted by his words. It gave her a bit of hope. A grin tugged at the corners of his lips. After a moment of silence Rae's eyes glanced to his hand.

"May I have my arm back?" she asked. Cullen released her, his cheeks deeply red, and straightened out his post. "…I'll see you at dinner," she said. Cullen nodded and she left him to his watch.

****

Rae listened to Jowan explain the lessons they covered and how he was growing very weary of the basics. They were things he and Rae knew very well, and as boredom set in, that typically indicated an upcoming Harrowing—or Rite of Tranquility. Tonight especially, Jowan was having a time of griping on the whole system at work. He'd never been all that agreeable with the way the Circle operated under the thumb of Chantry rule, nor their templar babysitters; but he'd tolerated it because he had to. It seemed all the worry over Harrowings made him far more vocal. He even went as far as to bring up good 'ol Anders who had escaped from the tower for his fifth time a week prior; and every time he was brought back. Then the first enchanter would have to wage war with Greagoir not to have Anders made tranquil, and Irving would win—but by a dwindling amount each time.

Rae noticed well how Jowan was a different person when Anders was around; the male presence did good to put a little spine back into him. As she thought about Anders she realized she hadn't spoken to Karl, Anders' close friend, in quite some time—but the man was deep into his studies and it wasn't easy for an apprentice to grab some time with mages, unless they were being taught.

Rae played with the food on her plate, becoming distracted as she built small structures from her potatoes and rolled pees on top to create little domes. All these things she'd heard from Jowan before, but this time she had quite a bit on her mind. "So when exactly are you going to tell me what's going on in there?" Jowan asked as he took a forkful of food and shoved it into his mouth. Rae set down her fork and pushed away her plate, leaning over the table. Jowan swallowed his food and followed suit.

"…I spoke with Cullen today," she said.

"And? You speak with him everyday." Jowan shoved another forkful of food into his mouth in moderate disappointment. When she leaned in he must have figured it would've been something far more interesting. It had always been a curious thing to Rae; as paranoid as Jowan could be, he never turned aside the opportunity for good gossip.

"And… I may have asked him… what he thinks of me," Rae said. Jowan nearly choked on his bite of food, setting his fork back down. They heralded looks from neighboring tables, but once they saw that it was only Jowan they continued on with their conversations.

"Thinks of you, how?" Jowan asked eagerly once his food managed to find its way out of his throat.

"Exactly," Rae replied. Jowan raised a brow.

"You know I don't like it when you do your female cryptic talk," he pouted. Rae reached across the table and gently knocked him on the shoulder. He laughed and rubbed the spot. "So, come on tell me!"

"I asked him… if he thinks of me as a person, or a mage."

"I wasn't aware anyone other than a person could be a mage, unless Mabari are casting spells now and I just haven't heard," Jowan teased. Rae threatened to give him another go on the shoulder, but she spared him. It was a clever comment. "So what did he say?" Rae sat back and grinned, pushing her peas about her plate.

"…He said I was beautiful." She glanced up at Jowan to see his smile somewhat fading. "What? What's wrong?"

"What? Oh, nothing! Great! That's so, great. Did he say anything else?" Rae ponderously studied Jowan. This response was—unlike him. Her heart jumped into her throat; was he, jealous?

"Jowan…" Rae smirked in a sly fashion. "Are you jealous?" He frowned and stuck his fork into a piece of meat, shoving it in his mouth and chewing with all the anger he could. "Alright, alright. Wow I feel awful for the poor creature who gave its life just to be masticated in such a violent fashion." Jowan sneered at her, his cheeks puffed full with food, and then he swallowed.

"Did he say anything else?" he repeated, patience dwindling.

"Well… beautiful… of course," Rae said, tossing her hair from side to side, "then he said I was intelligent, studious, focused…"

"All of the things a templar would love of a good obedient Circle mage," Jowan mumbled. Rae let her hands drop to her lap as she tightened her jaw into an angered frown.

"That was uncalled for Jowan," she said sternly. She couldn't even fully understand the depths of pain she felt in her chest from that one jab, or how quickly it had come on—but it surfaced in outright anger.

"It's true Rae," he said.

"You know Jowan, for years I've tolerated your…" Rae leaned in and whispered, "your dissident speech because firstly, you are my closest friend, and secondly, I am in league with some of your ideals, but that… what you said… that's something I won't tolerate. Not because it impugns on Cullen's character but that it was just outright hurtful to me." She sat back in her seat and they stared at one another, stubbornly refusing to speak. "Why would you say something so awful to me Jowan?" Rae finally asked, unable to hold her words back any longer.

"Because you should be more careful. You've heard the stories Rae. Templars making female mages—do things for them, threatening them with the Rite of Tranquility," Jowan explained. A great fire rushed up the back of Rae's neck and into her cheeks. Cullen was not that kind of man. He may have been a bit strict, but he was not lecherous or abusive of his charges.

"Cullen is no such type of templar," Rae shot back defensively. "…And I know you know that. You want to know what's strange to me? Since we're being so open with our feelings right now…" She got up and moved over to sit beside Jowan on his bench, making sure to lean in threateningly close. "You've always jested about this, you've always teased me—at one point you even told me I should have fun and make him nervous. Now all of a sudden you've changed your opinion?"

"I never thought you'd actually be naïve enough to go through with it!" he admitted, irritated.

"Really?…Where do you go at night Jowan? I know you sneak out… and it's not just once or twice every once in a while—it's several times a week." Rae bit her bottom lip, debating on whether or not she should ask him what was really on her mind, what she'd been attempting to justify to herself for quite some time. "…Are you a blood mage." She regretted the words the moment she said them, but there was no going back. He opened the door, and now he needed to deal with what came through it; but the way he looked at her cracked her heart in half.

"No," was all he answered. Rae could immediately tell he was suppressing a potential outburst in shock and anger at her words.

"Jowan…" she tried to say, but he shook his head. He stood and took his tray in his hands, then left her at the table.

"Lover's quarrel?" asked a neighboring female apprentice mockingly.

"Shut up Alena," Rae said bluntly.

What Jowan had said was awful, and there was no excuse for it—but Rae knew that what she had accused him of was far worse.

"He seems awfully upset." Rae shut her eyes at the sound of Cullen's voice. She'd completely forgotten. At first, Cullen joining her for dinner was all she could think about as Jowan prattled on about lessons, and then the fight happened. She looked around and watched as the templars filtered through the room, joining pockets of mages at certain tables.

Rae had heard of the way some of the other Circles operated. The nightmare scenario was the way the Kirkwall mages suffered. From the stories it seemed the Ferelden mages had life the simplest. Well that wasn't entirely true; the Tevinter magisters led golden lives, but they were also a hot-bed of all kinds of controversy. At least the mages and templars from her experience in the Ferelden Circle existed in relative peace. They even ate together.

Cullen set his plate down across from her as she turned to face him. "I hope all is well," he said as he cut at his meat.

"It will be… eventually…" Rae remarked, rubbing her face tiredly in her hands. She would need to make this right before the day was over—she was not about to go to sleep angry at Jowan. "He's just… a little moody sometimes."

"I see…" Cullen said, gazing suspiciously after Jowan as he left the dining hall.

"Don't. Don't even go there," Rae asked of him. "Mage or no, everyone's allowed to just have bad days right?"

"Right," Cullen replied with a knowing grin. Rae smiled in relief. He seemed, more relaxed than normal. Was it the things she had said to him earlier?

"So, you have some convincing to do. I'm all ears," said Rae. Cullen chewed a bite of food then launched excitedly into his reasoning. He cited passages from books and pamphlets, and repeated numerous amounts of quotes from those who lived around Lake Calenhad—including many Redcliffe folk. Rae listened with piqued interest. It wasn't that the topic was particularly riveting, but she enjoyed the way he spoke of it, and his facial expressions. He was an intelligent man, and thorough—if a little naïve to think that some sort of scaled creature lived beneath Lake Calenhad, but it was charming. Rae decided she was going to remain silent tonight and let him talk. She felt like she just wanted to hear his voice, and it served well to calm her. The fight between her and Jowan became nothing more than a distant event in her mind the longer she sat across from the templar. The hall began to slowly empty and only the die-hard conversationalists remained, including Rae and Cullen.

However it wasn't long before Cullen began to notice how empty the hall was. "I think it's best if we wrap things up for tonight. It's becoming late," he said.

"I suppose you're right," Rae said. She stretched her arms high up into the air and yawned. It was late—she could feel it. Half of her wanted to sprint to the apprentice dorms and see if Jowan was still there so she could speak to him—and the other half wished she could speak with Cullen all night; but the templar would need his sleep at some point. Rae stood followed by Cullen. "Well, you sort of convinced me. I'm thinking it may not be impossible for something to be creeping around under the water out there."

"Ha. Success," Cullen spoke in triumph. He smiled broadly as they went to dispose of his plate that he'd polished off hours earlier. No, Jowan was wrong. Cullen was not that sort of templar, nor was he even that sort of man. He was a gentleman, perhaps a little too much even, but he was a good person. They strolled from the dining hall, nodding to Cullen's fellow templars as they passed. Rae caught their heads turning. Oh let them look. She wondered how much more the templars must have loved a good bit of gossip than the mages. Cullen escorted her through the halls down to the apprentice chambers. Voices poured from the open door of the room. The majority of them were still awake. That was something else to get used to—falling asleep when faced with situations filled with noise and distractions. Laughter echoed and reached their ears, it seemed everyone was merry and content. "It was another enjoyable evening, as to be expected with someone such as yourself," Cullen said.

"Oh Cullen," Rae said. She lightly, girlishly chuckled—very aware of what she was doing. Move delicately here, a little brush with his hand there. Damn the armor. She found herself very curious as to the feeling of the skin of his hand. It wasn't as if she'd never held someone's hand before, but she wondered if the skin of someone one admired felt so different from anyone else's. Was there a difference between holding the hand of your mother, and your lover? That wasn't a good comparison; she barely remembered her parents, much less her mother holding her hand, if that ever happened. It must not have—or else she wouldn't have been here.

"You are quite a thinker, aren't you?" Cullen asked, drawing her away from her thoughts.

"Oh… yes I suppose. Not much else to do you know—except ponder things and play pranks on the templars," she replied. Cullen laughed knowingly. He'd experienced his fair share of pranks in his time at the Circle. Rae counted as guilty among some of those experiences.

"What do you think about?" Now that question was altogether surprising. It was the first time he'd ever asked her something so intimate. What she had said to him earlier must have gotten into his head somehow. Rae leaned against the wall and considered his question. Of course she was going to answer, but where to begin? How about the beginning? That was always a good start.

"Sometimes I try and remember my childhood, before the Circle. I try to remember if there was anything—well—worth remembering. There must not have been considering it's quite difficult to do," Rae replied. Cullen leaned against the wall beside her on his shoulder so he could face her as she spoke. He looked at her with slight sympathy in his eyes to which she shook her head at. "Don't pity me please. It's not as if existence here has been awful. I'm under no illusions of course—this is more a gilded cage than a home, but at least it's gilded." The sympathy in his expression only further deepened. In a small way it made her heart glad to see him reacting like this—it truly meant that he saw her as a person, and not just a mage. "I do consider where I could've been—an apostate, on the run. Possibly even an abomination. I count myself as blessed to be here. I've made many friends, and it's uplifting to be among those who share in my situation. I count among those friends as well some of you templars… like you," she admitted, feeling a heat rush into her cheeks and ears.

"That's admirable," Cullen said. "I…" he glanced around quickly to make sure no one was nearby. "I find myself wondering what things would be like if—friendship and amiability was a greater commonality between us. You know the templars and mages. Perhaps fears on both sides would be, lifted."

"Well it all starts with a few good people," Rae replied.

"Indeed it does." The silence between them was oddly devoid of any sort of awkwardness—but it seemed as if it was well placed; a moment for one another to ponder the words that were spoken and to become drawn closer by them. "I have… there's something I need… want to tell you," Cullen said. Rae straightened and looked at him eagerly.

"Please you can trust me."

"I know." Cullen sighed and glanced past her as voices echoed from down the corridor. Patrolling templars escorting a group of apprentices approached. Cullen stood from his lean on the wall and straightened as if at post. Rae pretended to be asking him some pertinent information, feigning interest in apostates and their wrongdoings and whatever else was pleasing to a templar's ear. Ultimately the group dispersed as the apprentice mages entered the quarters, whispering as they stared at Cullen and Rae, and the templars continued their patrol.

"Aren't you off tonight Cullen?" one of the templar's asked him. They looked at Rae who smiled congenially and crossed her arms over her chest, bowing, in the sign of reverence to the Maker. They mirrored her greeting.

"I hope your night is going well ser templars," Rae kindly said. They smiled at one another then nodded in turn.

"It is so far my lady. You should be in the apprentice quarters however, curfew is fast approaching," one of the templars gently reminded her. Rae nodded gratefully.

"Then that is where I will be. Thank you Ser Cullen for being so patient with all of my questions. I bid a fond goodnight to you gentlemen." She turned and headed for the door to the apprentice quarters, resisting the urge to angrily grumble aloud. Why? Right when Cullen was about to finally really open up to her; he was going to trust her with something as one friend does to another—then they had to show up. When she was inside of the apprentice quarters she hurried to the far wall, back-tracking in her steps until she stood on the other side of where she believed the templars were still grouped. She leaned against the wall inconspicuously pretending to be intrigued by something in her nail while she let her magic seep through the stone. Little by little—so as to not be detected, and what returned were the sounds of the templars on the other side straight into her mind. The voices echoed a bit at first as they cascaded through the stone and into her head, but she was able to adjust the flow of magic to fix it.

"—and then you're here on your night off? It's a little suspicious Cullen you best tread carefully."

"We're only acquaintances Jon," Cullen said somewhat defensively.

"That's not what we've been hearing. There's a lot of word going on about you and that little mage. Rae her name is? Look… don't worry, we get it. She's a pretty little thing, it's forbidden, it's exciting I mean… I can't say I'm not guilty of it either… but don't be so public about it," the one called Jon replied. Rae scoffed quietly to herself. Pigs.

"There is nothing like that going on," Cullen argued. Unfortunately, Rae thought.

"Right. Come on then. You get back to barracks. I heard you're the blade at her Harrowing," Jon said. Rae froze. So she was to be put through a Harrowing—and Cullen… Cullen was to be the one to strike her down if she failed? Was the Harrowing that dangerous? "I think that's a little cruel, even for Greagoir," added Jon.

"I'm sure she will do fine," Cullen said, somewhat uneasily. Their voices began to fade as they moved away from the wall, leaving the corridor.

"What are you doing?" Rae looked up startled from her trance to see Jowan standing before her, arms folded strictly across his chest. Her eyes searched his face and found no comfort for her there. He was still so angry at her from before. The look on her face however must have been something awful; for his expression softened the longer he stood before her. "Are you alright? Rae?" He approached her quickly and put his arm around her shoulders, escorting her away from the flurry of conversation to the corner of the room. They took a seat in a couple free chairs, Jowan bringing his to face hers while he held her hands, resting them on her knees.

"I just… overheard—I am indeed to be put through the Harrowing—and Cullen is to be point blade. I think he was going to tell me, but we were interrupted. I heard through the stone…" Jowan's face looked at her deep with concern and worry. Rae brought a shaking hand to her chest. She realized it wasn't the fact that Cullen could be her slayer—it was the realization that she could be slain. If she failed, if she took one wrong step, let down her guard for just a moment then it would have to be Cullen to take her down in her failure. "Rae, you have to be brave," Jowan said. It wasn't as if this was the first time he had to comfort her. Rae had learned very early on as she grew alongside of Jowan he was far braver than he looked, or than he even acted at times. He was a good and noble soul.

"Jowan I'm so sorry please forgive me," Rae said, covering her mouth as her lip began to quiver. She couldn't stop her eyes from watering and her throat began to tighten with a sob she tried to hold back.

"Yes, yes I forgive you," Jowan said. Rae nodded. The last thing she wanted was to go to her Harrowing and there to be anger still between them. If anything happened—no…she couldn't think like that; but she wasn't naïve. There were plenty of mages who never came back from their Harrowing for one reason or another. "You are one of the most talented mages I've seen. You will do fine."

"I just wish we knew what to expect… they train us for everything but what we're to actually do," Rae said.

"I know, I know."

They paused in their conversation as several apprentices came near to them, laughing about something Rae had no care for. Jowan continued tightly holding her hands and she heard them mentioning something quickly about it; then they walked on. She focused on Jowan's hands. They were warm, and strong. This was how the skin on his hands felt. Rae squeezed his hands a bit and he looked back at her. She smiled and wiped her tears on her shoulders.

"You just have to let me do something about your hair Jowan, seriously. It's getting out of hand." He laughed and sat back, releasing her hands so he could run his own back through his hair.

"It is getting quite long isn't it?" He picked at a few pieces then sighed. "Fine… how about I let you give it a nice trim after your Harrowing?"

"Oh I see. If I don't make it you're off good and free to live with your disgusting long hair. I bet that's what you're counting on," Rae jested. He looked somewhat mortified.

"Rae don't even joke like that!" There was the Jowan she knew well. She loved to poke at his nervous side and there it shone in all of its glory.

"If I don't joke what else is there to do?" she said. Jowan relented and nodded in agreement. "…So… since you brought up Anders tonight—how long do you think it's going to be until he gets his sorry self dragged back in here kicking and screaming?"

"It's been a week right?" Jowan asked. Rae nodded. He sat and tilted his head, putting on a face like he was giving it some heavy thought. "I give him another solid day, maybe two. He just perfected advanced teleportation. It may take the templars a little bit longer to catch that bastard." Rae laughed and nodded.

"I do miss him though when he's gone. The templars hate him so much, but he pulls the best pranks," she said. Jowan gave her a thumb's up.

"Lights out!" a voice called from the doorway. There was a loud groaning that filled the room in reply. One by one the apprentices trickled to their bunks, lingering until the very last moment in their conversations, while others went around the room systematically blowing out the candles. Jowan and Rae hung about in their corner, watching everyone shuffle around the room while their little candle on the small table between them continued to weakly flicker. Soon the room was dark and there were hushed voices and whispers that followed the settling of the apprentices in their beds. Rae looked over at Jowan in the dim light of the candle and wondered if he was going to leave tonight again. All at once she began to feel a slight jealousy stirring in her chest for the unseen woman. For all she knew, this mysterious lady may have been false, but there had been a softer change in Jowan over the past several months—and a heightened nervousness, even when Anders was around to add brevity to the moment. Even now he wore that look that indicated he was thinking of something not necessarily allowed.

"Well… we should go to bed," Rae said.

"Oh, right yes. Definitely," Jowan replied distractedly. Rae blew out the candle and they navigated the floor first to her bunk. She disrobed, hanging her clothing on the post of her bed while Jowan looked away and she slipped into the thin night-dress. She grinned and shook her head, even after all these years, such a gentleman. One had to get over the issues of shyness quickly in the apprentice quarters. Many of them slept nude, or in their undergarments alone and were not afraid to strip down in the middle of the room before climbing into bed. It was normal. Soon it became second nature for everyone—except the new apprentices of course; ultimately, it stopped being arousing and became normal. Like they were all family. Of course, there were still the people who coupled—but that was something else entirely.

"Good night Jowan," she said with a smile and slipped beneath the covers of her bed. It had taken some time—but she finally managed to finagle the bottom bed. That way she could slip out the next time Jowan did. He was none the wiser.

"Night Rae." She watched him disappear across the room behind a row of bunks then lay back down. There was still the soft sound of whispers over the room—it would be a while yet before everyone was asleep and Jowan could sneak out. Rae was impatient, but there was nothing for her to do but wait. She folded her hands behind her head as she lay down and stared up at the underside of the bed above her. The wood was carved in all sorts of things—most were interesting, little words of advice from passing apprentices, poems, or just simple meaningful phrases. Some were borderline inappropriate and brought a blush to her cheeks when her eyes ran over them. She found her eyes beginning to feel leaden and her mouth opened wide in a yawn. Must not fall asleep—cannot fall asleep. Jowan was going to go out tonight; she saw it on his face. Her eyes lulled open and shut. Maybe a few moments of rest; just a few, until the talking stopped. She wouldn't sleep; she would just let her eyes rest and relax. Rae closed her eyes and exhaled deeply.


	2. Chapter 2

Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter Two: Her Templar

It was so hard to open her eyes, but when she did she realized she'd fallen asleep. Rae sat up as quickly and quietly as she could. Instead of whispering she heard the sound of snoring and even breathing. Some were warbling in their sleep. She got up, feeling the cold from the ground rush up her legs and give her a chill. Silently, she tip-toed across the room to Jowan's bed. Just as she thought—he was already gone. Damnit! Alright think… she crept to the door of the room and took a small glance outside, swiftly pulling herself back in. There were two templars guarding the hall just outside. So how did Jowan manage to escape? She wasn't going to give up, not when her curiosity was so piqued. Back to his bed she went to search for some kind of clue. If he was clever, he wouldn't leave any hint as to his actions, but she knew him better. Sure enough, wedged beneath his mattress was a piece of parchment, hastily scrawled upon. It was… a spell. As she further inspected his bed she found a runic symbol in black ink on the underside of his mattress. This was interesting. Rae sat down on the bed then silently mouthed the words on the parchment. In an instant she was no longer in the room. She was somewhere else in the tower entirely.

A teleportation spell? Not just any spell… it had to have been one that couldn't be detected. That was crafty, especially for Jowan. Her intrigue was swiftly replaced with a nauseating fear. Why would he need such a powerful spell to maneuver through the tower unnoticed? No, first thing's first… where was she? Wherever she was, it looked to be abandoned. A sealed off portion of the tower that Jowan had discovered at some point? All these secrets…

"Oh Jowan… why…" she whispered sadly as she traversed the old, dusty space. Her feet slowly became stained with dirt as she made her way across the floor. She grimaced in dissatisfaction, but pressed on. She would just wash her feet when she got back to the apprentice's quarters—if she could get back. Swiftly she turned and made haste to where she appeared. There indeed was a runic symbol. So it was a two way spell. Excellent. She would just have to make sure she got back before Jowan did—if she didn't find him. Folding the parchment she placed it down the front of her dress and pressed forward.

She passed rows and rows of shelves filled with tomes ruined by age. They crumbled as her fingers touched them, so she left them alone. What a fascinating place… where in the tower was this exactly? Door… door… where was there a door? She continued to maneuver through the ancient bookshelves, keeping track of the things she passed so as to not get lost on the way back. Finally she emerged from the maze and found a door. Hopefully it was the right one. Cautiously she grabbed the handle, and pressed her ear to the wood to listen. Nothing. Taking in a deep breath she opened the door a crack and peered out. It led into another darkened place just as weakly lit as the decrepit library.

It was a corridor she emerged into and it didn't seem to branch off anywhere as she stepped lively along, hugging herself from the cold. She should've at least thrown on a cloak of some sort—maybe put on her shoes. She wasn't expecting to end up, well, wherever it was she ended up. At the end of the hall there was another door. She groaned and pressed flush against the warped wood, listening carefully. When she was satisfied that there was nothing on the other side she slowly opened it. The light that greeted her was welcoming and signaled her reentry into a small niche in the main section of the tower. Now which floor was she on…?

Voices reached her ears and she quickly shut the door then sprinted across the hall and under the archway on the other side. The stockroom—she was on the second floor. To her horror there were three templars standing just across the way at the other end of the room. She halted where she was and fled into the shadows, curling up in the darkness as tightly as she could, making as little sound as possible. The patrolling templars went on past the archway, while the three on the other end of the room eventually parted ways. Where was Jowan?

When it was clear she stood, taking in deep steady breaths to try and calm her worked nerves. Crossing the storeroom she peered out the other side. The hall was clear—for now. She stepped out and began silently stalking down the corridor, listening intently for the sound of clanking armor. She passed the tower Chantry, rolling her eyes as she caught a glimpse of the statue of Andraste. Then she froze. Someone was there. She stepped back and stood in the entrance for a time, studying the back of the person on their knees in front of the statue. It was a man's voice, softly praying. She brought her hands up to her mouth in surprise. Cullen? He was out of his armor and in everyday dress, praying fervently, but his voice was too hushed.

She almost didn't hear the patrol coming around. Rae stepped inside the room and pressed her back flat against the wall beside the archway, hoping Cullen didn't turn around. Friendship or not, he would have to report her out of bed—but aside from that, she didn't want him to believe that she was out doing something dire; and there was no way she was going to tell him she was after Jowan. When the patrol passed she made to leave; then halted. Just what was Cullen praying so eagerly about? As quietly as she could, she stepped forward, her bare feet making no sound on the stone floor. His words became clearer when she neared him. Rae crouched behind a pew, listening. His prayer was interwoven with the Chant of Light.

"… Let this burden pass from me please…" Rae felt her blood begin to prickle in anxiousness. "Let it not have to be my blade…" He was praying—about her. "Andraste forgive my weakness… I do not have the heart to slay her if the time ever came—I fear for what I would do…" Rae slowly sat down altogether. What did that mean? He didn't have the strength to carry out his duty? What was duty to him? "I find myself confused—but I find as well that I am not troubled by it…" Her heart leapt madly in her chest. She wanted to rush out to him, to kneel beside him on the floor and place his face in her hands so she could look into his eyes and tell him it was alright—she felt the same. "Should I be troubled? Maker's breath…" Cullen began to rock back and forth. All at once her elation fled from her.

She was the cause of this—his uncertainty, this pain he must have been feeling at the dereliction of his oath. The man could not sleep because of her; this unhappiness was her doing. There was a sound at the door. Rae laid flat on her stomach and saw beneath the pew, the feet of one of the patrolling templars standing in the opening. Her heart froze in her chest, her blood chilled. No, no, no. The templar addressed Cullen who lifted his head, then stood and turned, facing the door. Rae all but held her breath to keep from making any kind of noise. She'd never known fear greater than this moment. Cullen stepped forward to the center of the room, directly across from her. Slowly—slowly she pushed herself while remaining flat, beneath one of the pews beside her and moved no more after that.

"You're up late," said the templar at the door.

"Late or early, it makes no difference when one is giving of their time to the Maker," Cullen replied. He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. Such a casual gesture for him, when she'd seen nothing but straightness of posture and composure. He looked so—normal, but she couldn't let that deter her from what he still was.

"I suppose," the patrol replied.

"Calm night I take it?" Cullen asked.

"Usually is around here. No sign of that alleged blood mage running around. Again. We should count ourselves spoiled with some of the stories I hear about the other Circles. The only other Circle that's as uneventful as this is in Kirkwall—but that place is not afraid to call their tower a prison."

"Are they truly that strict?" Cullen said in mild disbelief. The man across from him shrugged.

"Just things I hear." Cullen rolled his shoulders back, giving out a great yawn. "You should really get some sleep."

"I have night watch, I can sleep through the day. I'm always better on a night watch when I stay up late the day before," Cullen replied. It was so odd to see him conversing so—casually. Even in their dinner conversations there was an air of restraint. She almost began to forget there was any danger at all in her being there—though she was most certainly not going to step out and say hello. Cullen withdrew one of his hands from his pocket to run back and forth over his short hair and then scratch his chest. She watched him almost hungrily. His broad chest… usually kept hidden beneath the armor, and there were his hands, without gloves.

"Oh, the first enchanter and knight-commander received word a few hours ago that the mage Anders has been caught and is being brought back to the tower—again," said the patrol. Cullen smirked and shook his head, laughing lightly.

"That man is going to get himself killed one of these days. I get the feeling that's what he wants," the off-duty templar remarked. Rae couldn't help but smirk—Jowan was close. So Anders was on his way back—provided he wasn't made tranquil she was going to have a lot to tell him.

Tonight was a fruitless effort in finding Jowan. After this scare the courage had all but left her to continue on her hunt. Anders was a master at sneaking around, he could aid her. Oh no… she needed to get back before Jowan. What if he already returned? How was she going to have to explain appearing on top of him on his bed? That was going to be an awkward situation—maybe slightly entertaining, but mostly awkward. Something else Anders would enjoy hearing, perhaps Karl. She wished the men would hurry up and finish their conversation so she could leave.

She rested her head in her arms as they continued their discussion—mostly about the patrol schedules and Greagoir riding them to be extra vigilant for the rumored blood mage. Jowan was no blood mage. He may have picked up a few more tricks, but that was bound to happen hanging around Anders so much. For all she knew he was the one who showed Jowan the trick. He probably knew where Jowan was sneaking off to every night and he didn't tell her. Well, if that was the case, when he returned being made tranquil would be the least of his issues after she was done with him. He would wish he was a blissfully mindless drone. The minutes dragged on and she became increasingly anxious with each passing one. Didn't that templar need to get back on his patrol? She was surprised at the laxness of security. Especially at night—though she was not ungrateful. Jowan had to have been back by now, so what was the rush anyway? She opened her mouth in a wide yawn and fought off the urge to close her eyes. No, that's what got her into this mess in the first place—her inability to actually force herself to stay awake.

"Well I best return to the rounds. You going to head out now?" the patrol asked. Rae perked up.

"I'm still not feeling the call for sleep yet. I'll probably linger here for a few more moments then leave," Cullen replied. The patrol shrugged.

"Suit yourself. Goodnight." They bid one another farewell and the patrol left. Cullen remained where he was for a moment then turned and went back to his place sitting before the statue. When Rae was sure he was going to be there for good she quietly got up and snuck over to the door. This was a giant waste of time, and Jowan was going to be so upset with her—provided she could even remember how to navigate that ridiculous maze of shelves back to the rune on the floor. If by some stroke of luck she did make it back before Jowan she would have to revisit that place under less pressing circumstances, really inspect the shelves. She glanced back at Cullen once more, her eyes falling on his back as his shirt stretched across his broad shoulders when he hunched over in prayer.

"You don't honestly think you're going to get away that easy do you?" she heard him say as she took a step out of the archway. Rae tilted her head back and shut her eyes, resisting the urge to stamp her foot on the floor in her temper. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She turned and saw him standing now, staring right at her. She suddenly felt so naked clad in her small gown, without her robe and him without his armor. "Are you going to come away from the door, or just stand there until a patrol sees you?" he asked her firmly. Rae walked forward hesitantly, stopping just in front of him. He gently took her by the arm and led her into one of the alcoves, away from the line of sight of the door.

"Cullen I…"

"Are you mad? I truly mean it, are you mad? You've picked a fine time to go sneaking around the tower in the dead of night, what with the rumors of a blood mage running around these halls," he chastised. "What am I supposed to think?"

"I just… I—I don't know," Rae said. She couldn't say anything about Jowan, but the situation looked very grim for her. "It's not what you think. Please, believe me."

"Then explain yourself." He didn't need the armor to strike the fear of authority in her. This was the Templar Cullen before her now. She could turn this in her favor, she had to.

"No… you explain. Why didn't you give me up to the patrol?" she asked. He firmly set his jaw in frustration. "Aha, I've caught you. I have a good point don't I?" Rae added, pointing a finger up at him accusingly with a grin on her face.

"This is not funny."

"What if I said I was sleepwalking?"

"Rae," Cullen said forcefully.

"Ah! You said my name. That's twice now." He sighed, clearly annoyed with her jokes and her teasing—but it was working. He didn't appear nearly as upset, and he even relaxed his shoulders. She noticed his eyes briefly look over her form. There it was, the opportunity. "I'm not trying to make this a difficult situation for you, and I'm sorry it turned out that way, please understand that. I just… you know I couldn't sleep, and that's the truth."

"How much did you hear?" he asked her suddenly.

"Before… or after the patrol came by?" Rae hesitantly replied. Cullen crossed his arms over his chest and raised a brow as if to say, 'you know exactly what I mean.' The smile on Rae's face faded and she hugged herself, fidgeting somewhat as she did.

"…If it's any consolation… there isn't any other I'd rather have to be there to… help me if something were to go wrong at my Harrowing," she said. His expression softened and he let his arms slowly drop to his sides. "Which, nothing will go wrong. I'm going to pass it obviously with flying colors and top marks and…" He wasn't smiling.

"…You heard everything then," he said somberly.

"Yes. You don't need to torture yourself Cullen. When you look past the circumstance, you are a man, and I am a woman. Both born of the Maker's hand, are we not?" He shook his head and turned from her. No, not this time. She grabbed his arm and he looked at her sharply—but did not pull away. Who was she all of a sudden? Sneaking out of the apprentice quarters—lunging after templars… several days ago if someone had told her she would be doing all of these things she would have laughed and thought them to be lyrium addled. She took his hand, feeling the rough callused skin. It did… feel different. He remained still as she brought his hand to her chest, placing it over her heart so he could feel how fast it was beating. "This… Cullen. This…"

All at once he took her by the shoulders and pressed her to the wall beside the statue then kissed her hard, pinning her head back. She closed her eyes and reached up, placing her hands on either side of his head while she tasted of his lips—his tongue. When he pulled away she gasped to catch a breath that would not come so she curled her fingers into the fabric of his shirt and pulled him forward for another. Her blood stirred within her hotly as he pressed flush against her, his leg fitting snugly between her legs while his lips journeyed across her jaw line and down her neck. Her skin rose in reflex to his actions; every nerve in her body fired wildly at the touch of his fingertips finding their way to her bare skin.

Her head spun as the sound of their heavy breaths filled the room, and the heat between them chased away the last bit of cold from her. "Maker…" Rae felt his hot breath against her collarbone as he spoke. "I do not know if I can control myself…" He raised his head and looked into her eyes. The templar curled his fingers into her own and pinned her hands up against the wall, their lips just brushing. Rae's breathing came in short, gasping breaths and she rested her head back against the wall, looking at him through half-closed lids. She was very well aware of what her body wanted—and she hoped for an answer to its call—but Cullen was a gentleman; and a templar. He reluctantly let go of her hands and let her off from the wall. She was not his plaything.

Rae remained where she was for a moment, allowing for her blood to slow in its parade through her veins. She was just as unsure about her self-control. She felt almost animalistic in her need for him, and it somewhat frightened her. Love—it needed to be about love and not blind lust. What Cullen didn't realize was he was not only doing himself a favor, but her as well. Or perhaps he did understand this. "I apologize…" he said.

"No. There's… there's definitely no need to apologize," Rae quickly replied somewhat breathlessly. Cullen smiled bashfully. "What I find myself wondering… is where you templars learn moves like that if—well… you understand…" Rae impishly asked.

"Uh… well, I… was not raised in the Chantry…" Cullen answered.

"And?"

"Let's just say had anyone told me back then that I was to become a templar—I would have laughed in their face…"

"And thought they were lyrium addled?" Rae finished.

"Exactly," replied the templar. Rae chuckled. "That being said…" Cullen stepped forward and took her hands, running his thumbs across the backs of them. "I knew… more than a few women."

"I see," Rae said. Cullen placed a hand gently on her cheek.

"You are special—unique, incredible. In the Chantry, and in my training I learned a respect for women, and myself. For that reason… I cannot—will not take advantage of you tonight," he said. Rae felt a large smile pull at the corners of her lips and nodded. Tonight huh? She refrained from speaking the thought aloud.

"Thank you Cullen… thank you, but do believe me when I say… you have nothing to apologize for—trust me," Rae said reassuringly. The templar grinned, slyly, and gave a single nod. Rae slid down the wall to the ground and Cullen joined her at her side.

They sat on the floor of the Chantry for a while, leaning up against the wall. He wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm.

"…Where do we go from here…?" Cullen quietly asked after a time.

"I don't know… back to the apprentice's quarters and the barracks?" Rae tiredly jested. She looked up at him to see a smile on his lips.

"If this is meant to be, then I suppose we needn't worry with those kinds of questions," Cullen said. Rae rested her head on his chest. Leaving things up to such chance never did sit well with her.

"Yes…" she absently said. Cullen reached across his chest and tilted her head up to look at him.

"I am more than willing to give this a fighting chance." Rae sat up as he spoke, smiling warmly in comforted reply. This was more than she'd ever expected to experience in her lifetime. She joyfully kissed him, and as she pulled away he brushed the hair from her face and smiled. "You're… absolutely breathtaking. I only wonder how it was I held back for so long…"

"Because you are a good man Cullen."

"Is it strange that I feel no guilt? That I actually feel as if the Maker has blessed me?"

Rae smirked and shook her head. "Should that even be a question?" He ran his fingers back through her hair.

Cullen stood, reaching down to give her his hand. He pulled her to her feet. "I don't know how you got out of the apprentice quarters, but can you get back safely?" he asked—genuinely concerned for her.

"Yes."

"Good. You can go ahead and leave that little part a secret… so long as we meet tomorrow night?"

"Of course." Together they walked to the open door of the Chantry, listening for the patrol. With one final lingering parting kiss he watched her off. She swiftly moved through the hall and then into the stockroom, retracing her steps. Her pathway was clear of patrols, as if it was designed to be so by the Maker Himself. She entered through the old door and into the abandoned portion of the tower.

Her anxiety returned. What was going to happen when she teleported back? It took her several moments longer to navigate back through the maze of bookshelves, having somewhat forgotten how she got through the first time. So much for taking the time to carefully remember small markers her first time through.

When she finally cleared the network of shelves and found the rune on the floor, momentary relief washed over her at having actually found her way, replaced again by nervousness at what might happen next. She stood upon the marking and took the folded paper from the front of her dress. It was a miracle it hadn't slipped out. Here goes nothing. Closing her eyes she read the words, feeling the magic pull on her body. She remained still, and then opened an eye, realizing she was still on her feet. The sounds of snoring told her she was back in the apprentice quarters, except she did not appear on top of Jowan. Instead she was standing in one of the baths. As she moved from her spot she noticed one of the stones was loosened. A runic symbol had been drawn beneath the carved out stone, then put back. There was no way Jowan had come up with this on his own. What an intricate spell. She wondered how it worked that the rune from the library teleported her to the one in the bath… Anders. Nothing she could deal with at this moment.

In the meantime she removed her clothes and silently washed the bit of privacy a welcome change; then she redressed and headed back to her bed. The sun was beginning to rise—she could feel it. There were no windows to confirm it however, but her body knew it as she slipped beneath the covers. Lying on her side she stared at the bunk next to her for a moment. It felt like a dream. Her eyes trailed across the floor in the direction of Jowan's bunk, though she couldn't see it behind all of the others. She suppressed the feeling of guilt in her chest. No, he was in love with another, and she was certain of her feelings for Cullen. This was how things were meant to be. Her lips curved into a smile. All that had happened—it indeed felt like a dream. A wonderful, wonderful dream. Already she felt unable to wait for the night, but with all of her excitement, her body finally forced her into a peaceful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Dragon Age: Origins ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Entr'acte: Anders  
>(Chapter Three)<p>

Her dreams were scattered and made no sense. Innocent traipsing around the Fade, uneventful—the way she liked it. It wasn't always so, but she took all the joy she could from the few moments where she was bothered by nothing. She was stirred softly from this peaceful slumber when someone sat beside her on the bed. Expecting Jowan would be at her bedside she grumbled and turned over, pulling the blankets over her face. Suddenly she felt a small jolt of electricity and she yelped, plunging head first from bed. As she lay crumpled on her shoulder blades, the world entirely upside down, she frowned quite angrily.

"…So you yet again escaped the Rite of Tranquility. Why am I not surprised?" From beneath her blanket she heard Anders' boots softly walking around to where she'd fallen. He lifted the coverings from her and smiled mischievously in the process. "The time will come when I will kill you. This I swear, and if it's not me, by the Maker it'll be someone who makes you think of me, and then I'll have my revenge," Rae grumpily replied.

"But until then, I s'pose I can give you a hand." Anders stuck his hand out toward her and she took it. He pulled her backwards, straightening her out then helped her to her feet. She fixed her night-gown and tried to smooth down her hair. Anders wrapped his arm around her waist and twirled her once, then dipped her low. "Why must you tease me with such natural radiant beauty?" he asked with a charming smirk. Rae was about to reply when she looked around and noticed that Jowan was not with him.

"Where's Jowan?" she asked. Anders set her right again and released her from his hold.

"That is a very good question. I haven't seen him all morning." Rae glanced across the room then hurried past Anders to Jowan's bunk. It was still unmade—so he'd never even returned? "You're acting very curiously there Rae, and I do love a good bit of the dramatic. Tell me," Anders said.

"Anders you're a full-fledged mage. Why do you hang around the apprentice quarters so much?"

"Because you're all so amusing. What would I do without my daily dose of the heart wrenching drama of Rae and Jowan?" he replied.

"Is that before or after each failed escape?" Rae shot back with a witty grin of her own.

"Ooh. And the point goes to you this round—and here I thought we were friends," Anders pouted.

"Of course we are. Well… let me get dressed and we'll—wait… what time is it?"

"Half past eight." Rae's eyes widened.

"I'm late! Andraste's flaming knickers I'm late!" Rae called as she rushed back to her bunk. Anders gave a loud laugh and placed his hands on his hips.

"Andraste's flaming knickers eh? How blasphemous. I like that… I think I might use it sometime…"

"Sure whatever!" Rae shouted from somewhere amidst the sea of bunk beds. Anders casually paced around the room, peering into empty bunks, even daring to turn over pillows to see if there was anything of interest anyone may have been storing there. Silly place to keep personal items when just anyone could have a good look if they were so inclined—and Anders was always inclined. It was a fact that Rae had learned based off experience—only now she never kept anything personal. Trinkets yes, things that to a wandering eye like Anders' were nothing more than knick knacks that perhaps held some sort of intrinsic value, but deeply personal, revealing things such as writing or portraits she had stopped keeping altogether. She had a journal once—and only once.

"So have you told Jowan yet?" Anders asked as he came around the corner of a bunk and leaned on it casually, arms folded smugly across his chest. Rae was straightening out her robes and trying to do something useful to her hair.

"What? Tell him what? What do you mean?" she asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"That you want to bear his little socially awkward children?" Rae rolled her eyes and grabbed her pillow, throwing it as hard as she could at Anders.

"Really mature Anders." Her lack of sleep and tardiness to class made it a bit hard to tolerate Anders' brand of humor at the moment. Jowan seemed to like him well enough no matter what; must've been a male thing, and Anders wasn't horrible to the man as most were. In comparison Anders was downright friendly. Jowan's nervousness was an unwanted plague on himself and made him a sort of screw up; labeling him as somewhat of an outcast, but Anders had often gone out of his way to help the poor man. At first Rae was somewhat suspicious, protective, but she soon found that Jowan was not just a mere charity case to the rebel mage—and that Anders was a decent soul. Sometimes.

"I have, no idea what you mean," Rae added in frustration as she sat on the bed and slipped on her shoes. She didn't even wait for him to respond, there was no time. She'd already missed morning lessons and would have to deal with that—but she was late for Psychoplanar Attunement. Not a class one wanted to miss with their Harrowing fast approaching. Her body battled her as she moved in ache and fatigue from the night before.

Rae sat at the vanity and messed around with her hair, ultimately winding it up into a tight bun. She looked tired. Sighing heavily she rested her head down, letting her shoulders hang slack as she hunched over. What was the use? She was already late—about half the class late. It would take her some time to get up there and even then she would have to have a lengthy explanation with the enchanter about her tardiness—along with her first class.

"What have we been up to that we're so tired?" Anders asked. She lifted her head and looked at him in the mirror. That overconfident smirk of his annoyed her greatly. No… it wasn't his fault. She sat up straight and took in a deep breath, then looked back at herself in the mirror. Anders was just being Anders, and on a normal day he was entirely pleasant and entertaining to listen to, there was no reason to take this out on him because of her folly with missing class—and staying out late. Though what a nice time it had been… a smile crossed her lips and she turned to face him.

"Alright… fine. You want something thoroughly juicy to hear?" she glanced around and gestured for him to come closer. He came in close and leaned down so she could whisper in his ear. "Last night… I… was with… that templar, Cullen." Anders stood up, straight as a board. He looked down at her, his expression not at all what she expected.

"Did he force himself on you? Did he threaten you?" he asked her harshly.

"What? Anders! No. Goodness. What's wrong with you? It was actually… he wouldn't. Did not wish to take advantage of me, he said." Anders looked back at her silently. Her smile slowly faded as she realized he wasn't joking. "Don't tell me you of all people are going to disapprove," Rae sharply said.

"He really didn't force you? Threaten you?"

"As I said Anders, no. If that was the case I wouldn't be telling you I'd be in the first enchanter's study," she said. Anders placed his hands on his hips and very suddenly beamed.

"This is perfect. I mean, I've heard stories of the templars dallying with the female mages, but now I actually know someone. We can use this to our advantage," he said. Rae looked at him horrified and stood the vanity shaking as her stool violently knocked into it.

"You… will do no such thing!" she said, her voice echoing throughout the room. The stray apprentices looked up from their lying about or conversations in their direction. Anders put an arm around her shoulders and escorted her away from prying eyes, and ears.

"You aren't thinking clearly Rae. We can use this, we truly can. You, me, Jowan, Karl… we can use this to escape for good," Anders said quietly. Rae pushed him away and shook her head, mortified. "Oh wait… no. No way. You can't be serious you—you love him?" Rae halted; her back to Anders as he posed the question. Did she love him? Was it more than just the thrill of dabbling in what was forbidden? Yes, she did care for Cullen, she cared for him a great deal—enough not to take advantage of him in such a way, or any way for that matter that may have hurt him. She turned to look at Anders and nodded in reply. He looked thoroughly defeated in response to her affirmation, his mouth dropped open as if he was ready to argue, but the words were stuck. "Fine," he reluctantly acquiesced. "It is only because you are such a good friend—but don't think you'll get away with this next time. What must be done will be done, you follow?"

"Oh please Anders," Rae waved him off. "You're so dramatic, honestly. You do realize the only way you're ever going to really escape the tower is if you blow it up; and then you'll be an apostate, and a terrorist," she said approaching him. Anders grinned.

"It does sound like quite the thrilling set of traits—women like danger don't they? I mean take you for example, you an-" Rae swiftly elbowed him in the side as she passed him before he could continue. He doubled over, holding the suffering area. She stopped and turned to look at him.

"…Don't… tell Jowan. Please." His smile faded as he straightened up, keeping one hand on his side.

"Rae…"

"Just don't."

"You are asking quite a lot of me to do here," said the rebel mage.

"Anders…"

"Yeah, yeah.," he agreed with a nod, but made sure she saw his displeasure. It was a continual wonder with Rae how Anders was both so adept at keeping secrets, and spilling them. There had to have been a method to the madness, some kind of, twisted genius, and she wondered if it had anything to do with his past—something he never bothered to share with them. Only Karl knew anything about Anders; including his real name. In many ways Rae saw a lot of herself and Jowan in Anders and Karl: friends who'd grown up in the Circle together, trying to make the best out of a life that was forced into captivity. Rae then found herself wondering why it was that Anders left Karl behind every single time he escaped. There had to have been a purpose—she knew that she would have never left Jowan alone, and he would have never done the same to her.

Jowan… now her worry picked back up. Where was he? Which reminded her… "So why did Jowan need for you to help him construct a series of teleportation runes?" The look on Anders' face indicated he had been busted. "That's what I thought. And here you were about to chastise me for keeping secrets from Jowan. What is he doing that he won't tell me?"

"How did you find out about the runes?" Anders asked, seemingly triumphant that he'd created a reversal of the conversation. Though Rae very quickly turned it aside with a mere quirk of her brow. "Yes well, whatever the reason you aren't the only one going on exciting provocative adventures in the dead of night."

"So he _is_ sneaking out to meet this woman we've been hearing so much about, but never seen?" Anders nodded. "And you not once thought to follow him?"

"Surprised?" Anders replied in amusement.

"Very."

"I'm hurt you would think of me in such a way. I greatly value my friends' privacy," Anders said, clutching his heart. "You have wounded me deeply!"

"Shove a poultice on it and deal with it," Rae replied as she strode past him.

"Fiery. I do love that about you," he said trailing after her. Rae gathered her things and together they left the apprentice quarters. She may as well at least go upstairs and wait for the class to be over, then she can catch the enchanter and say she wasn't feeling well—or something to that end.

"So please, enchant me with the story of how you managed to botch escaping this time," Rae said.

"Ah yes of course. It's quite a riveting tale. Filled with lust, mystery, intrigue, lust…"

"You said lust twice," Rae pointed out; Anders smirked and winked in reply. "You know what, just… continue."

He'd managed to get as far as Lothering. From there he acquired new clothes by charming his way in the hearts of a farming family by making them think he was a tranquil who had been on his way to Denerim with an escort of templars when they were attacked by Chasind and the templars were murdered. The only reason the wild folk had left him alive was because they felt so sorry for him. Anders made special note of his unmatched skills as a dramatist. So the family took him in, gave him new clothes, fed him, and loaded him up with supplies. Apparently they deeply sympathized with him and were anti-Circlists. As tickled as Anders had been, he had to stay in character, except when it came to the daughter.

"Rosa…" Anders said wistfully.

"Andraste's ghost… I know where this is going…" Rae groaned.

"She was quite ready to believe that her adeptness with which she was able to… well… it was a very, good night. So good in fact it cured me of my tranquility. Saw the face of the Maker I did—at least that's what I told her." Rae burst out laughing so hard she had to stop and lean against the wall of the stairwell they arrived into.

"You're such a pig, I shouldn't even… but I can't help it… that po—or woman!" Her voice echoed loudly off the stone, forcing the templar guarding below to peek inside and see what was going on.

"I think she's been possessed by a Joviality Demon!" Anders said in mock fear. Rae tried to bat at him, but she could barely move. "Look at her happiness! She must be an abomination! Oh no!" The templar shook his head and returned to his post. Rae playfully hit Anders on the arm and they continued up the stairs as she began to rein in her laughter.

"Alright so… how did you get caught then?" Rae asked in a light chuckle.

"Yes… we are at that part now aren't we? Sadly… it was my fault…"

"Wasn't it all your fault the last four times as well?" she asked.

"…Touché Amell. Touché. Her father discovered us."

"Oh no…" Rae said covering her mouth which was in a wide grin. "How wonderful. I wish I could have been there to see. How awful was that for you?"

"I'm disturbed that you're taking so much pleasure in my misfortune," Anders commented.

"Misfortune that you, yourself create."

"Stop making sense. It's getting on my nerves. Well—it wasn't _all_ my fault. The Maker does not care much for me and if this isn't proof, I don't know what is. I would have gotten away, albeit with less clothes on my back than when I came in, but that's not the point. Her father happened to have maybe, accidentally said something about my staying in his home when he was in the tavern one of the nights—drinking. One thing led to another and on the day I was to leave a templar decided to make a house call to follow up on the information," Anders explained.

"This just keeps getting better and better," Rae said.

"I'm glad for you that you're enjoying this so much. Anyway, so there we were, I was foolishly where I should have not been, laying there without my knickers and she was definitely without hers… and I think you can fill in what happened next… at least they let me dress first before they hauled me off," Anders finished. Rae stopped and put a hand on his shoulder, closing her eyes, and placing her free hand on her chest, her lips twitching with a laugh that she attempted to suppress now that they were around the classrooms.

"Essentially had you... not been you, you would have escaped rather cleanly then?" Rae asked.

"That is an achingly fair assessment," Anders muttered.

"I thank you for sharing that with me Anders. That was perhaps… the most amazing story about failure I have ever heard in my entire life."

"I'm happy to share in this moment with you. Now, I unfortunately have to go, there's a few… conditions that I have to more or less follow in order not to be made tranquil," Anders said.

"You have a wonderful time then with your conditions," Rae said. Anders grinned and took her hand, kissing the back of it.

"Until next time…"

"Oh go on." Anders bid her farewell and left her side, disappearing around the curve of the corridor.

"Miss Rae Amell," sounded a strict voice from behind her, one she knew all too well. Rae closed her eyes, took in a deep breath then turned around and looked at her instructor. "In case you forgot, History of the Tevinter Imperium: Post Qunari Invasion is not an optional lecture… and does indeed start at 7 A.M… sharp." The elven instructor looked at her through her small rimmed glasses.


	4. Chapter 4

Dragon Age: Origins ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter Four: Blood Mage

Rae stared down at her dish of food on the mess table. The day was moving by like sludge—and that seemed to be the consistency with which her meal formed as she let it sit in its bowl. At least it was finally evening. So tired; she just wanted to catch some sleep before she was to meet Cullen again. What was he thinking? Was his mind on the events of the night before much like hers were? She felt her heart lift in her chest at the mere thought of it. The way she felt—the way he looked… his touch… she shook her head. No, this was not the place to think about that, and even less so, the time. Finally she picked up her fork and submerged it into the odd mixture in her bowl, taking a bite. At least it tasted fine. As she began to enjoy her meal Jowan suddenly appeared in front of her, hastily placing down a tray, looking worse than usual. She looked at him, frozen with her fork half raised to her mouth. He began to feverishly eat his food, not bothering to look up at her, or to even speak.

"Where have you been?" she asked when she managed to find her words. His eyes glanced up at her. There were dark circles beneath them, as if he hadn't slept. His robes and his hair were a mess—well more of a mess than normal. How did he even manage to go about the halls looking the way he did, and not get stopped by a templar or an instructor? He looked back down at his bowl without answering her and continued in his concentrated feasting. She just watched him, somewhat horrified, and filled with concern. When he was finished he dropped his fork into his bowl, ignoring the loud clatter it made. Some looked over at them, but shrugged. It was only Jowan acting weird—as usual. But Rae knew better. This was not usual. When his hand knocked into his bowl she realized he was shaking. Rae stood quickly and rounded to his side of the table, taking his arm and hefting him to his feet. She faked a smile and chuckled. "Silly Jowan… you know better than to be wandering around with such an awful cold!" she said for the others to hear.

The onlookers went back to their own business as she escorted Jowan out of the dining hall. They did not stop, Rae offering hasty, vague answers as they were questioned until they reached the apprentice quarters, and she sighed in relief. Moments where the room was completely devoid of people was rare—and this was thankfully one of those times. She sat him down on her bunk, grabbing a chair and sitting in front of him. He was so very pale. Maybe he was sick? Where had he gone that would have made him this way?

"Jowan?" she said quickly. His eyes were blank as they looked at her. She placed her hands on his face, pulling back in a startled fashion. He was freezing. She put her hands back on his cheeks and forced him to look at her. "Jowan say something. Are you alright?" He did not answer. "Jowan you're scaring me… please… say something," she said desperately. His eyes began to lull shut and he swayed where he sat. He seemed to become paler just sitting there. Rae looked around frantically then stood and grabbed some of the blankets from the neighboring bunks, throwing them around him. "Jowan speak to me. Jowan!" She gently patted him on the cheeks to keep him awake. "Anders… I'm going to get Anders. _Stay here._ Don't move. Maker… don't move. Nod your head or something!"

He slowly nodded. That small gesture sent a wave of relief through her. "Alright… stay awake. Try to stay awake." Again he nodded. "Good, oh good." She ran to the door of the room, then took in a deep breath and walked out. She couldn't seem suspicious to the templars in the hall, though every fiber of her wanted to run—even walking fast was a gamble.

"Miss Amell, how is your friend?" asked one of the templars she had passed earlier. "Should I have a healer sent in?"

"Oh, no. He's fine. Just sleeping. I am just going to grab a book to read while I sit with him," Rae explained as calmly as she could. Had she not felt so hysteric inside she would have appreciated the kind gesture. The templar nodded and off she went.

Up she ascended the stairs to the senior mage quarter just above the apprentice floor. Anders had to be there, or at least Karl. If she couldn't find either one of them she would have to grab the first senior enchanter she saw. She searched through the library first. It took all of her willpower not to break down and scream for help. She needed to keep calm and composed. What had happened?

As she passed an alcove she spotted Karl out of the corner of her eye. "Karl!" she called in relief. He turned and smiled at her, closing the book he'd been looking at.

"Rae, it's been a while," he said. She quickly walked towards him. His smile faded as he took notice of the fear on her face. "What's wrong?"

"It's Jowan. He's… something's happened to him. He's in the apprentice quarters now. He's so pale. I think he's dying. Please help," Rae said quickly.

"I know where Anders is. Come," Karl said in urgency, though his voice remained calm. He led her to the other end of the library and back out into the corridors, heading into a great circular room with a long stairway leading up to the Great Hall and Irving's study. As they entered into the round room Anders was indeed there, balancing on a ladder, replacing some books on the shelves. No doubt it was just one of the many conditions he had to follow in order to retain his power. "Anders," Karl said. The man teetered a bit, almost dropping the book he was holding.

"Bastard! Nearly scared the life right out of me," Anders said, leaning against the bookshelf.

"Anders you have to come with us, now," Rae said. He looked down at them with a smirk on his face.

"Excuse me? Who's the mage here? I believe that's, All Great and Powerful Anders the Irresistible to you," he teased.

"Anders," Karl said gravely. Anders' smile faded quickly and he slid down the ladder, standing before them.

"What's going on?" he said, his concern heightened as he saw her desperation and her eyes glistening with tears. "Rae are you alright?"

"It's Jowan. You must come with us immediately."

"Lead the way." The three hastily made their way back across the library and descended to the apprentice floor. They did their best to appear as casual as possible, chatting about completely harmless things as they passed by the templars. Anders even went as far as to give the patrollers a good friendly greeting, which perhaps made them suspicious, but Anders was well-known for his odd mood changes. All the while Rae thought she was going to fall apart right on the floor. "I'm very excited to see this portrait," Anders began to say as they approached the templars standing outside of the apprentice quarters. "You've been keeping it such a secret… and you're so good at what you do…" The three nodded to the templars at the door who returned the greeting, not in the least suspicious of them. Once inside they hurriedly followed Rae to her bed, finding Jowan collapsed on his back, eyes closed and eerily still.

"No… no Jowan. Jowan wake up," she pleaded, kneeling next to the bed where his head was. She placed her hands on his cold cheeks which were by now tinged in a purplish hue. She placed her hand up to his mouth. "He's… he's still breathing! Barely… but he's still breathing." She ran her fingers through his hair, combing it back, and every once in a while gently patting him on the cheek. Anders sat on the bed next to him and placed his hands over Jowan's chest.

During one of his escapes—unknown to even Irving, Anders had picked up some healing techniques. He'd only told Karl, her… and Jowan. Rae began to wonder what would've happened had Anders not been caught—had he never come back. No, she didn't want to think about it. She just kept combing her fingers through Jowan's hair, resting her forehead on his own, trying not to burst into tears. They heard voices float in from the corridor. Rae looked to Karl and Anders nervous.

"Let's get him up and out of sight," Karl instructed. Rae stood and with the help of the other two they hefted Jowan over to the vanities and behind one of the separating walls, laying him down in the corner. They bought themselves some privacy—for now. Anders knelt down beside Jowan, his hands hovering over the man's chest once more.

"Come on Jowan…" Anders urged. Karl stood watch. Anders' hands glowed in a soft blue, almost white light as he moved them over Jowan's unconscious form. "I've never… healed to this extent… it's… like his entire body is shutting down," Anders said.

"Please Anders… please…" Rae begged. Anders nodded and shut his eyes, concentrating harder and harder. She could see sweat beginning to form above his brow, his face turning red from so much exertion. A vein on his neck began to pop up under his skin, his arms quivered as he focused with every bit of willpower he had to maintain the spell, to repair whatever damage had been done.

"Damnit Jowan. Come on you spineless bastard, you got fight in you, I know it," Anders began to curse at him in a loud whisper. Rae closed her eyes and once more rested her forehead on Jowan's. Come on Jowan… she thought. Come back. Fight. She looked up and kissed his forehead.

"You can't leave me Jowan! Don't you dare leave me alone!" she said in a loud whisper, tears streaming down her face.

Jowan suddenly inhaled sharply, as if he'd been underwater for far too long, and finally broke the surface. A little color returned to him, though he still looked like death itself—but he was breathing and awake. Anders let his arms drop as he collapsed to the side, Karl rushing over and catching him. Rae smiled in jubilant relief, tears flooding down her cheeks as she kissed the top of Jowan's head, while resting her own on his shoulder. He slowly reached up and placed his hand on the back of her head. "I knew…" he said hoarsely, and with barely any strength, "…you'd come through for me."

"Shh… Jowan…" Rae looked over at Anders who was smiling weakly. She reached over and took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. "Thank you Anders… thank you, thank you," she said over and over.

"You owe me…" Anders said feebly. "I know how you can repay me…" He winked at her, rather pathetically considering his weakened state. Rae laughed softly between tears.

"Anders…" Karl said half-smiling, shaking his head.

The room had begun to populate once more with apprentices. Karl helped Anders to his feet while Rae wiped the tears from her eyes. When Anders was steadied they helped Jowan to his feet, each of his arms slung over the shoulders of Karl and Rae then they walked him to his bed. Rae covered him with blankets to make it look like he was just ill.

"Curious… what made him like this," Karl commented. Rae never took notice of the wary glances him and Anders exchanged while she sat on her knees beside the bed, rubbing Jowan's arm, and then gently she stroked his forehead. "We should probably go…" Karl advised. Rae looked at the two and nodded Anders wobbled slightly once more then found his balance as his strength began to return to him.

"We'll stick around down in the dining hall until curfew in case something changes," Anders said. Rae approached and gave Anders and Karl each a kiss on the cheek, then embraced them in each arm. "Careful with that," Anders said as she stepped away from them. "It starts as an innocent kiss on the cheek…"

"Some people are immune to your wily, wily ways Anders," Rae said. Anders smirked.

"We'll see…" He and Karl left the apprentice quarters and Rae went back to Jowan's side. He turned his head to look at her from the pillow. She took his hand in hers, holding onto it tightly.

"…You don't have to say anything Jowan. Just rest," she said. He nodded and rested the back of his head against the pillow, closing his eyes. There would be time to find out what had happened to him—plenty of time. For now she was going to stick to his side. Nothing else was more important to her than being beside him. Yes… she would ask him later what had happened—for there would be a later.

-

Her neck ached fiercely. She must have fallen asleep leaning against the bed. Rae attempted to uncurl herself, only to realize that her entire body resisted the movement. Never again… this was ridiculously uncomfortable. She lifted her head and looked around. Everything was dark, everyone was already sleeping. She forced her legs straight, relishing as the soreness left them, but her neck was going to be a problem. It was time to actually lie down in her own bunk. Using the bed to support herself she stood quietly, and slowly, her joints cracking. She opened her mouth in a wide yawn and stretched her arms high up into the air.

Rae looked down at the bed to check on Jowan—he wasn't there. She clenched her teeth and curled her fingers tightly against her palms. No… he didn't. If he comes back well enough in the morning, I'm going to kill him myself, she thought.

All at once her memory caught up to her and her hands flew to the sides of her head. Cullen. Swiftly she sat on Jowan's bed and whispered the words she spoke the previous night. Once more she found herself in that library and away she sped, running through the maze of rows. Oh no oh no… what time was it? Why didn't she look at a clock before she left? It couldn't have been too late. She didn't feel as if she'd slept for too long. Finally she found the old door and flung it open, sprinting down the corridor to the second door at the end. It was much nicer being in her robes and shoes as she traipsed through the cold tower so late at night. Cautiously she put her ear to the door, listening then she opened the door a crack. No one was coming from either side. Out she fled, making sure the door was closed behind her and she retraced her steps she had taken the night before. It was surprisingly easier tonight navigating through the halls to get to the Chantry—maybe Cullen had something to do with that?

When she peered into the Chantry it was empty. He must not have been there yet—or perhaps he was patrolling? No matter, she would just relax and wait for him, hiding in the alcove. She stepped inside and sat on the floor, waiting for him in the same spot they'd hidden in the night before. It made her smile, and blush again as she thought about it and she couldn't wait to see him, just to hold him, to kiss him and hear his voice. Yes, this was what love was. As she waited, with nothing better to do, or occupy herself with, her mind wandered its way back to Jowan. She couldn't believe he would truly be stupid enough to sneak out—again. Was seeing this woman truly worth dying for? Maybe she did something to him… it made her blood boil just thinking of it. If this mystery woman indeed had something to do with what happened to Jowan, then she would get Anders and Karl and they would rampage through the tower if they had to, to find her. How stupid could Jowan be? Rae rubbed her face with her hands and sighed.

"Rae?" Her head jerked up as she heard someone whisper her name. Her eyes widened as she saw Jowan standing in front of her, looking just as shocked as she was. Oh no. This wasn't happening. Quickly she stood, tugging nervously at her robes. "What are you doing here?" Jowan had his hair tamed and tied back, but those circles remained under his eyes and his face was still pallid and tired.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Rae pointed. "You're sick! You shouldn't be sneaking around in the cold!" she angrily whispered. Her eyes continually trailed to the open archway while her heart wildly beat in her chest. She began to feel light-headed at the implications of Cullen coming in and seeing Jowan. There would be no explaining their way out of this one. "Jowan you have to go," she said plaintively. He raised a brow, looking at her suspiciously. "Don't you dare look at me like that. Not after what you just put me through, you have a lot of explaining to do… but not right now. Please, just… just go. You can't be here." Each passing moment was like torture. Any minute she expected to see Cullen's frame in the doorway—or worse still, another patrolling templar.

"Why do I have to go? What are you hiding?" he asked accusingly, taking several steps towards her.

"Me? What am _I_ hiding? What are _you_ hiding?" Rae vigorously shook her head. This was not the time. "Jowan please!" Her stomach dropped as she heard the sound of clanking armor. Without hesitation she grabbed Jowan's arm and pulled him to the opposite alcove, and forcing him to crouch. "For the love of the Maker just STAY here." She stood straight, wobbling, using the metal grating to catch herself, overcome with dizziness as her heart sprinted in her chest. She gestured for Jowan to stay where he was as she watched. Sure enough—it was Cullen. He peered into the Chantry, taking several steps inside.

"Rae, what are you doing?" Jowan whispered, but she ignored him as she stepped out from hiding. "Rae!" She smiled as she saw Cullen, and he smiled back. She walked across to the alcove opposite that was still lit and beckoned for him to follow her. Leaning against the wall, her eyes trailed over to the corner where Jowan was crouched—then she focused on Cullen as he stood before her; she needed to keep the templar's gaze on her. That shouldn't be too hard. His hands rested on her hips as he leaned in and kissed her gently. She closed her eyes, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He removed his gauntlets, setting them on the ground at his feet, so that he could touch her face with his bare skin.

"You've no idea how happy I am to see you… I couldn't stop… I couldn't stop thinking about you. I found myself restless all the day long. I tried to sleep for watch tonight, but my mind would not keep still," he said. Rae smiled, her heart melting away at his words.

"I'm afraid I must confess that the same has happened to me," she said. He ran the back of his fingers along her cheek. She stood from the wall and walked over to the candles, Cullen followed her as she figured he would. Now his back was completely facing Jowan—and she hoped her friend would understand this as his opportunity to escape. "I've been longing to just hear your voice—I found myself… missing you," Rae said.

"As did I." He tilted her head upwards and kissed her again. She glanced over his shoulder and noticed Jowan having stepped out from the shadows—but he didn't appear to be leaving as she hoped he would. No… he just stood there, staring at them, staring at her, the look on his face more awful than anything she'd ever seen before. Quickly she gazed back at Cullen, bouncing back and forth between wrenching guilt, and overwhelming bliss. "I couldn't be happier Rae… I realized that today…" He brushed away several pieces of hair that had escaped from her bun.

"Cullen…" Why wasn't Jowan leaving? Her eyes remained on Cullen's face. His smile—it was so wonderful. It made her heart leap great bounds.

"You drive me mad Rae… and I never want this feeling to go away…" He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her with such ferocity it nearly knocked the breath from her. He leaned his forehead and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Maker forgive me… I've fallen in love with a mage," he admitted. The words ran through her like electricity, igniting every part of her mind.

"Oh Cullen you… I love you as well. I love you." He smiled in such elation as she spoke. She was greatly surprised when he picked her up and spun her around. It was so out of character for him—or was it? She'd never truly known Cullen beyond the stoic and sometimes awkward templar. This was far more wonderful. However this worked against her ability for self-control. The heat that rose within her she attempted to fight back the best she could.

"The day I was made a full-fledged templar… could not even equate to this moment. My very spirit is rejoicing," he said. "I only wish I could remain with you longer…"

"Cullen… go on back to your patrol. Truth be told I had quite an odd day and I'm looking forward to some sleep," Rae said to the relief of her fast beating heart.

"Perhaps you can tell me about your day before I change shifts this morning?"

"Um… sure," she replied with a smile. Definitely not. She felt a tad guilty, but he was better off not knowing about what happened.

"I messed with the roster a bit. I am the only patrol on this floor tonight—so you won't have to worry about getting back," he said. Such lengths he went for her, risking his very position.

"Thank you Cullen." He nodded and took her hand, kissing her palm lovingly, it sent chills through her—she would have to have him do that again sometime soon. He put his gauntlets back on, lingering for a moment longer then turned and left the Chantry, disappearing out the door. Rae found herself rooted to where she was, clutching her chest. He loved her. She was loved. What an experience—she wondered if her heart was going to burst from being so full of joy. This was something so foreign to her. Cullen…

When her mind had calmed in its frenzy of happiness she glanced to the alcove opposite. Jowan was gone. She had a lot of explaining to do, she sighed tiredly at the thought. When she left the Chantry it was at a leisurely pace, twirling here and there. She had the entire floor to herself—well almost. Cullen was in one of the wings, but it was so freeing to be able to move about without eyes bearing into her, waiting for her to let some demon into her head, or slice her skin and go on a horrible blood-fueled rampage. She even hummed as she danced across the floor to the old door she'd come through. When she reached the old library she broke out into outright singing as she convinced herself that Jowan would understand.

After all, he'd been seeing someone secretly—sure it wasn't a templar, but he would still understand right? Maybe he'd be happy for her that she was so happy. If Jowan actually let her in, she could be happy for him too. In fact, when she had first heard about his secret affair, though she'd felt the sting of jealousy, as long as this woman did well to make him smile; it was all she cared about. However, as she had come to a conclusion about earlier, if this woman was also responsible for his near-death experience, then this secret tart was going down. She easily found her way this time around the bookshelves and emerged into the corner where the rune was, twirling a final time.

Wait… wait. Her insides curdled and she curled her fingers in her hair, pulling on it until it almost entirely loosed from her bun that now looked melted on the back of her head. Where was the rune? No… she fell to her knees and placed her hand over the stone—it was wet and dark, the stone smelled damp and malodorous. What kind of erasure potion was that? The rune had been covered over. He didn't… Jowan didn't… he didn't. He wouldn't. He wouldn't do something like that. It had to have been an accident. No, no, no, no. He wouldn't do that… he wouldn't… but his face.

Suddenly she felt so vulnerable. There was no happy feeling anymore, only the cold darkness pressing down around her. Her heart lit with fear and she leapt to her feet, sprinting through the bookshelves in a blind run. She bumped into the shelves, sending tomes flying to the ground, and dust billowing in her eyes as she ran—ran from the emptiness around her. When she found the door she pulled it open, tears streaming down her face, stumbling to the wall opposite and leaning on it, staring back through the darkened doorway. What… what was going on? Her mind felt bombarded by such despair and she felt a great fear that she was not alone. Clutching to herself she moved along the wall, struggling to press forward, finding it harder and harder to move away from the room. Where was Jowan? Where else could he have gone?

She constantly looked behind her, moving one foot in front of the other. Why was it so hard to keep going? There was something else there—something else she hadn't noticed before. When she reached the second door she looked back behind her once more, her vision hazy—but there was something or someone … a dark silhouetted figure staring at her. Without anymore hesitation she threw open the door welcoming the light of the main tower corridor that bathed her. A pressure lifted from inside of her head and she felt her own again. She stood for a moment, then staggered from the small alcove into the open and slumped against a wall—waiting. Sure enough she heard the sound of moving armor. Cullen came around the corner, at first not noticing her. He was checking the rooms off of the hall and when that was done, he looked in front of him—then to her.

Immediately he came rushing to her side. "Rae!" he said, kneeling beside her. "Maker! You're shaking!" Yes… she was. She hadn't noticed.

"I can't get back Cullen," she said, her eyes stinging from the tears and dust. He wiped away the tears from her cheeks with his gloved hand and he helped her up.

"Show me where you were able to get in from," he said. She vigorously shook her head.

"I'm not going back there… there's something there and I can't… please…" She gripped onto his arms as her fear attacked her once more. He looked down at her with grave concern.

"A demon…?" he asked. Rae shook her head unsure, but she'd seen something—it seemed to have been praying on her panic, making it all the more overwhelming. "…Rae your hands." Slowly she took her hands from him and looked at them. Her lip quivered as she stared at them, eyes wide with fear. Blood. That's what the wetness was on the stone. Not some potion. She backed against the wall, staring at her hands, tears streaming uncontrollably from her face.

"Cullen… oh Maker no… it was blood… I touched… get it… get it off. Get it off!" She screamed, hysterical.

"Rae… Rae calm down," Cullen said looking around nervously; but Rae was too far gone in her panic as she frantically wiped her palms on her robes, staining the fabric with red. Blood… whose blood? Whose blood was it? This wasn't happening. She looked up at Cullen. "Help me…" He reached for her, and her mind suddenly went blank—overwhelmed with shock. Her legs gave out from beneath her and she fainted onto the floor.

Her eyes opened and she sat up swiftly, clutching her chest, tears filling her eyes and spilling over her cheeks. She quickly brought her hands to her face. They were clean. She glanced down, she was in a bed—a bed that was not her own. Where was she? It was warm… comfortable.

"It is good to see you awake…" That voice—she looked in the direction of its origin, finding Irving, along with Greagoir. Cullen stood back behind them, guarding the entrance to the room. It… was the infirmary. "Do you know where you are?" Irving asked her.

"I'm in the infirmary," Rae slowly answered. How did she get there? Her eyes looked back down at her hands that rested on her lap. Irving sat across from her on the bed. He had such a kind—grandfatherly look about him. Rae remembered that's what had made things so much easier when she had first come to the Circle—but it did nothing to reassure her now as her memory of the night before returned to her, the shock beginning to settle back in. She looked up at Irving, and began shaking her head.

"Listen," he said calmly, "what is your name?" She looked at him confused, why was he asking her these questions?

"Rae Amell. First Enchanter… what is going on?" she asked fearfully, looking over her person. She was fine—or she appeared to be fine. There were no wounds, nothing hurt, but she had been changed out of her blood-stained robe.

"It's alright. Everything is alright. You are fine. Cullen found you before any harm could come to you," he said. She quickly glanced from Irving to Cullen, who nodded at her. "Do you remember what happened?" Rae looked at the first enchanter in confusion. What? What did he mean?

"I—I was in a room… and the floor was wet—with blood and that's all," she explained.

"She's been corrupted Irving. It seems our blood mage is real. They may have already had their fingers inside her mind—in fact I'm willing to bet everything I have on it," Greagoir said. As his words settled into her mind Rae began to shake her head.

"No, no, no. No, I'm fine. I ran. I ran as fast as I could. The last thing I remember is running," Rae lied. This was a nightmare. "Please… First Enchanter… Knight-Commander," she looked at them, filled with fear. "Please believe me… I didn't do anything… please… don't make me tranquil. Please don't make me tranquil." Her eyes went to Cullen who was attempting to keep some kind of professional composure, but was failing in her moment of unrelenting dread.

"Surely she is not a thrall of a blood mage Knight-Commander," Cullen remarked carefully. "I found her in this state—as if she'd just run for her life. She must have been lured from her bed by the blood mage, but she managed to break free." Rae's heart swelled with hope as Cullen took her side in the only way he could: lie to his knight-commander.

She closed her eyes and sobbed so hard it had become difficult to breathe. Irving looked back at Greagoir who stared down at her unmoved. Her lament was severe her heart felt shattered inside of her chest. Jowan was a blood mage, and he'd betrayed her. He left her stranded with whatever evil from the Fade was summoned by his blood, and now she was being accused of blood magic—on his account; and even still… she couldn't speak a word against him. Part of her wanted to believe that if she just spoke with him, this would be explained. "Please Kn—Knight-Commander…" She looked up at him as she begged. "I don't know w—what t—to do or s—say." Her sentences came in fragments as her lungs desperately attempted to gulp in air.

"You do not need to say anything. We know you are not in alliance with a blood mage child, or one yourself. Please try to relax," Irving said. Her eyes moved back to the elderly man on the bed and she burst out into cries of relief.

"Irving…" The first enchanter stood as Greagoir spoke to him.

"Look at the poor thing Greagoir. Look at her. I challenge you to look at that girl and tell me her sentiment is false. No, her heart is in such deep pain. She is a victim, not the culprit." It had become once more difficult to breathe for her as her body forced her to take in swift, short breaths. Her heat felt light and dizzy. "Please child, try to calm yourself…" said Irving. Rae nodded and placed a hand on her chest and inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. It took some time for her chest to calm its convulsing, but soon she was breathing steadily. There was not a time in her life in which she remembered feeling so distressed—it was new, and frightening. She could see Cullen's face, filled with such sadness for her, such pity. He believed her—and that's all she needed. Irving sat beside her and placed his arm around her shoulders, drawing her in to him as a grandfather to their grandchild. "There, there…"

"You understand what we are going to need to do Irving…" Greagoir said quietly. The first enchanter sighed and nodded. Rae sat up, looking from Greagoir to Irving.

"What…" she said, her heart dropping into her stomach.

"We are going to need to have you perform your Harrowing right away," Irving said. Rae's eyes widened. "Do not be fearful. I believe in your strength… you are, our star pupil Miss Amell. We will need to perform the Harrowing tonight—so you may have the day to collect your strength. Typically you would be called and taken up to the chamber immediately—but circumstances are a bit different."

"First… First Enchanter I… what if…" Irving gently shushed her.

"Think not on 'what ifs,'" Irving advised.

"I shudder to think what would have happened had my templar not found her in time…" Greagoir said.

"I only found her afterwards Knight-Commander. She was the one who resisted the blood mage and ran from them," Cullen remarked. Greagoir nodded.

"I suppose that is commendable. And…" The Knight-Commander sighed, his expression softening, "it is a miracle you survived—and good that it is as well. Your survival may save the lives of many others." Rae nodded.

"You've been provided with fresh robes child," said Irving. There was a gentle knock at the infirmary door. It was then Rae realized it was only them in there. The first enchanter stood, patting her reassuringly on the shoulder. "Rest. You have quite the night ahead of you." Rae watched as the First enchanter joined Greagoir at his side and together they left. Rae heard voices outside of the door—Anders, Karl. She looked to Cullen, locking her eyes with his.

"Thank you… thank you…" she said quietly. Cullen smiled and nodded.

"…I'm just thankful you're alright," he said. Tears flowed again—it was too much, everything was too much.

"Anders… what… a treat," Rae heard the knight-commander say dryly.

"It's alright Greagoir, you don't have to hide your excitement that I'm back. I know how much you've missed me," Anders replied. Rae smiled and shook her head. "I heard you got a genuine blood mage on your hands."

"For all I know… that blood mage is you Anders."

"I'm offended good sir." Anders and Karl came into the room, Anders lingering in the doorway to finish speaking to Greagoir. "I may be attempting to add 'apostate' to my title, but blood mage? No worries good sir. I prefer blood inside the body and staying inside the body, where it belongs."

"Whatever your business here, make it quick Anders. You have much to do today…" the knight-commander replied. Anders nodded and then saluted the man.

"You should treat him with a bit more respect. Had I been in his position I would have had you made tranquil the first time you tried to escape," Cullen said. Anders patted Cullen on his chest plate.

"Then I should count my blessings shouldn't I? Lighten up Cully… you're too handsome to be frowning," Anders commented as he crossed the floor over to Rae. Karl found two chairs and brought them to her bedside. They sat down, Anders taking the chair closest to her.

"…I see Jowan isn't with you…" Rae observed. Anders glanced over his shoulder to Cullen. "He can be trusted. Cullen, can you close the door?" she asked. He nodded and closed the infirmary door, then grabbed a third chair and placed it on the other side of the bed beside Rae. Anders was thoroughly bewildered.

"This is revenge isn't it? What's it for? Fire powder in the robes? Frog bile in your drinking cup? Crickets in your pillowcase?" Anders asked, narrowing his gaze across the bed at Cullen.

"No… this isn't rev—wait. You were the one who put frog bile in my drinking up? I thought it was Jowan. I wouldn't speak to him for weeks!" Rae sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

"Now is not the time for such a discussion. If you three have information on the blood mage, you need to tell me now. Rae, you almost received the blame for something that was someone else's doing, and had anyone else other than I been on the floor that evening and found you with blood on your hands—this talk would not be happening," Cullen said gravely. "And yes—yes I do believe you," he added reassuringly. Rae felt her heart lift at his words. The smile on Anders' face faded. It was clear how much this must have bothered him, having to cooperate amiably with a templar, but he was going to have to deal with it.

"You think we're going to be close friends just because you made Rae feel warm and fuzzy inside?" Anders asked. "That's not happening."

"No, I expect you to work with me because you are her friends and are supposed to care for her—as I do, and if something happens to her, you two will be the first I come after," Cullen replied. Anders opened his mouth to argue back when Karl placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"We will comply. No one wants a blood mage running around. If this matter can be settled quietly, and without further bloodshed, that would indeed be in everyone's best interests," Karl said coolly. Anders sat back and folded his arms indignantly over his chest and wryly spoke.

"It would seem Cully…"

"Stop calling me Cully…"

"…We are in agreement on at least one thing—blood mages are not to be trifled with. I care very little for them myself." Anders leaned forward, crossing one leg over the other, resting the ankle of his foot over his knee. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend… and all that tripe. Or rather—the enemy who tries to kill my friend will make their enemy my friend."

"Your logic is dizzying…" Cullen replied. Anders shrugged, proud of himself.

"…Can we just… please get back on topic?" Rae said, tugging at her blankets. "Before I have my Harrowing?" Anders' smile faded.

"What do you mean?" Karl asked.

"I'm to have my Harrowing tonight, as per the knight-commander's request. To make sure I haven't been... tainted by the blood mage," she said.

"Was there even someone else there?" Cullen asked her.

"I don't know, I didn't see anyone—but I felt… something trying to… like the darkness was closing in on me," Rae explained the best that she could. It was hard to put into words when the feeling itself was still so confusing to her. "No. No I did see someone. I couldn't make out their features, my vision was so blurry, but there was someone following me." She'd never felt anything so terrifying before, and yet terrifying was not even enough to describe it. "I just had to keep going—keep running." She looked over to Cullen. "I ran… back to you." He nodded and took her hands.

"Oh please…" Anders rolled his eyes. "But that does sound suspicious. I've heard similar stories from victims of blood mages. That's sometimes how it starts, and then suddenly their minds are no longer their own."

"Anders is it Jowan?" Rae asked suddenly. Might as well just be out with it—everyone was thinking it, and even if everyone wasn't, she was, and that was enough for her. Anders looked like he was about to burst out laughing at how ridiculous the prospect was, but when he took notice of how somberly she looked at him, he put his foot back down on the floor and leaned on the bed.

"No. It's not Jowan," he answered.

"Are you lying to me?" Rae's throat tightened with a sob once more—she couldn't remember ever having cried this much in her life, it was horrible. She felt so weak and open, and it was not a state she cared for much at all. "Because I think he stranded me…" Anders looked cautiously over at Cullen.

"Just answer her. Whatever you say does not leave this room. I just want some answers for her sake," he said. Anders narrowed his gaze at the templar.

"…I must be growing soft—because I actually believe you when you say that." He shifted his focus back to Rae. "No. I'm not lying to you. I…" he sighed and looked over at Karl, who nodded for him to continue. "I think I know who it is—though I do not have enough evidence to bring it before Irving or Greagoir… not that I want to work with the knight-commander, or even the first enchanter all that much anymore, but, such is the burden of necessity."

"Out with it then," Cullen demanded.

"Watch it pretty boy," Anders threatened. "I believe… Uldred is a blood mage."

"You're putting me on. Uldred is not a blood mage, he _turns in_ blood mages," Cullen argued.

"No better cover, is there?" Anders asked.

"…But it's odd Anders, that Uldred would've been there, in that exact room, where Jowan had everything set up to teleport there—it couldn't be coincidence," Rae said dejectedly. She didn't know what to believe anymore; it was all so… wrong.

"That's something you'll have to speak with Jowan about on your own, but Uldred is a blood mage, and I'm guessing that if _he_ is, there are others under his tutelage," Anders replied. That was a terrifying thought. One blood mage running around was dangerous enough—but an entire group of them? If there were, what were they biding their time for?

"There's one hole in your theory Anders. Uldred left early this morning with a small group of mages to join the fight at Ostagar," Cullen said. That's right… on top of everything that had happened in the past several days, on a far more grand scale, there was a possible Blight looming on the horizon. The Grey Wardens were out in force and King Cailan had assigned an army of men and women to aid them. There was very little talk about the Blight in the tower; the mages typically didn't concern themselves with outside dealings—mostly because it was fruitless to do so. Their power was feared even in a Blight where they could do the most good.

"That does nothing of the sort," Anders argued back, "Uldred could have been skulking around before he was to report to Irving. I'm sure he had plenty of time for his, doings, before leaving." Anders looked at Rae, placing his hand on her arm. "I know it looks bleak—but trust me when I say Jowan would never hurt you."

"Perhaps," Cullen said, distrustfully. "His nightly disappearances and sneaking around are suspicious."

"Everyone sneaks around Cullen, for one reason or another…" Anders said pointedly. Cullen looked at him menacingly. "Oh don't worry, your dirty little secret's safe with us—but the minute you do something to hurt our Rae here… everything's coming out in the open."

"I would never," Cullen said, mortified that he would even think such a thing.

"Say that to some of my friends who've fallen prey to your comrades in arms and their less than admirable ways…" Anders shot back.

"Stop!" Rae shouted. "Just stop… both of you please… I need to speak with Jowan."

"He is in studies. He looked right as rain this morning. Much better," Anders said.

"Was he ill?" Cullen investigated.

"Yeah. Sure. He was ill. He's incredibly worried for you; he's going to be by as soon as instruction is over. If he really did have a hand in all of this, I doubt he'd be coming to see you," Anders said. Rae nodded, he did have a point.

"I'm sorry… but I must take my leave," Cullen said reluctantly. Rae looked over at him as he placed his hand on her cheek. "If I stay any longer it may look as suspicious."

"Cullen, I want to tell you how much I appreciate all you've done. It couldn't have been easy, so many things you've done go against the oath…" Rae said.

"On the contrary. You've reminded me what the oath has been. To protect mages. To do so, sometimes these actions are necessary—every instance is different, and one cannot apply the same rules and regulations to each time," replied Cullen. Rae nodded and the templar stood.

"Please I'm going to be sick…" Anders muttered, leaning back in his chair, placing his feet up on the edge of the bed. Cullen pointed threateningly at him.

"You…" He sighed and shook his head. "Forget it." Anders smirked in triumph as Cullen said goodbye to Rae and opened the infirmary door, exiting through it. A kindly nurse came in and began to move about the room, humming something sweetly to herself.

"Karl why do you even bother with this guy?" Rae asked. "He's just going to get you into trouble some day…"

"Yes Karl. Yes. Why do you even bother with this guy?" Anders said, gesturing to himself. Karl grinned and looked at Rae.

"It's because he needs me, that's why," Karl replied.

"I'd be so lost without him. I mean, how would I know where to go? What to say? How to cast a spell? How to dress in the morning! How to eat… when to breathe, oh that's a big one. Yes I'd be dead without Karl," Anders added.

"Deflect all you want Anders, but I know there's a dear sweet man hiding beneath that layer of jokes and an inexplicable love of cats," Rae said.

"You make me blush dear maiden to think of me beneath my layers," Anders replied. Rae couldn't help but find herself laughing. She placed her hand over her chest as breath escaped her. It felt good, it felt very good.

"Anders… for what it's worth… I'm glad you're back…" Rae said, once she'd calmed in her laughter. Anders folded his hands on his lap, his smile somewhat fading.

"I wish I could say the same…" he replied, still with that half-smile, though there was nothing happy about it. With all of his jokes and his light-hearted attitude it was easy to forget how much he hated this place—how it must have tortured him to be here. His smile was very good at hiding his true pain, his true contempt. He was riding on a very thin line—at any moment Rae felt he would do something drastic; something he would regret. Such was Anders—impulsive, opinionated and narcissistic; not a reassuring combination. Except when it came to her, Jowan, and Karl. For them he would jump if they asked; for them he would swallow his much coveted pride—ever since she first met him.

It was by accident, the only appropriate way in which their meeting should have occurred. One of the instructors was ill, and so Rae and Jowan's class was double the size they were used to. Karl had been brought in to assist the instructor with watching the students to make sure they were performing correctly. That's when Anders showed up—half naked and completely drunk. It was the first time he'd run from the Circle. He was being escorted through, singing loudly, and awfully, and waving his hands in the air to some sort of oddly timed music. Rae watched in curious fascination this boy called Anders, whom she heard had escaped from the Circle during exercises for the apprentices; by swimming across Lake Calenhad. He looked so young to have been so drunk, but there it was. He was perhaps four or five years older than herself and Jowan; no more than thirteen or fourteen.

As Anders was escorted past the class cheered and hollered for him while he took a stumbling bow. Rae remembered Karl's face very well—he was the only one not smiling. He watched Anders walk past with great distress in his eyes. It was then Anders spotted Rae among the crowd of students. He wrenched away from his templar captors and ran up to her. Holding out his hand a flower formed out of thin air—glowing in the most peculiar fashion. He handed it to her before the templars pounced on him, and hooked their arms in his, dragging him away, all the while he sang some roving tune one would hear in taverns or pubs. Rae blinked and looked at the flower that slowly faded into a glittering mist in the air—this was Anders, the boy whom she now had a crush on. From that moment on Rae really noticed him as he walked through the first floor halls, chatting with Karl, performing a series of complex mind-boggling handshakes with random apprentices in the halls; or while she sat in class and he'd be fooling around somewhere near the back; it was a wonder to her that he ever was able to pass anything—but he was better than they all were.

Always he would look at her, and always he would smile—but it was one day when Rae and Jowan were returning to the apprentice quarters and were harassed by a group of older children that their friendship truly took a firm hold. They started with picking on Jowan, as often happened, and when Rae tried to step in they took to bullying her as well. Kids could be so cruel. Anders and Karl happened to have been coming by, and immediately came to their rescue. The apprentices all went screaming away with scorched bottoms and from that time, no one openly harassed Jowan or Rae again. Anders made it a priority for him and Karl to accompany the two young ones wherever they went and the four became quite a solid group. Karl was the mentor; Jowan the bumbling good natured boy; Anders the prankster; and Rae—the kind touch. As the years passed and they grew older, she came out of her crush on Anders and it blossomed into a heartfelt friendship that she'd come to treasure, while her own feelings for Jowan took more of a flight in the direction of her once crush for Anders. Then there were the further departures of his from the tower.

Anders' escape attempts did not happen all at once. There was sometimes several months to a year between attempts—the longest being several years. Rae was always worried for him the first couple times—kept awake at night with thoughts of what would happen to him if he was found, would they bring him back to the Circle, or would they give up, declare him a malficar and end his life right then and there? Karl had to reassure her each of those times that everything would be fine, and everything always was. At first, Rae didn't notice it, but as she aged she began to see that each time Anders was brought back, a small piece of him died, and Karl became even more worried. Both however were good at wearing masks when the time called for it.

Then there was the friendship between Anders and Jowan. Anders was always one to speak his mind, no matter how blunt the truth may have been, and he spoke a lot of it to Jowan—however it was never in malicious intent. He truly had a desire to help Jowan come out of his shell, and to become a stronger person; and he did. Rae and Jowan had a lot to thank Anders and Karl for. A lot. One day—she hoped she could return the favor.

"I think what she meant Anders, was that you have people who care for you here, her being among them," Karl said. Anders laced his fingers together behind his head and looked at Rae.

"As I said, why must you tease me?" he replied. Rae slapped her hand across his foot. "Hey now! It is an innocent limb here." Rae gently patted the arch of his foot. "That's better."

There was a knock at the infirmary door, and the three turned to see a very, very apprehensive Jowan standing in the opening. "Well we best be going," Anders said, placing his feet on the floor. "As much of a goldmine as this moment may prove to be, we'll give you two some privacy." Karl reached across and patted Rae on the leg.

"You'll be alright…" he said reassuringly. Rae nodded and the two left. Jowan lingered at the door for a moment then hurried inside and took a seat in the chair Anders had occupied. They didn't speak to each other for a long moment; Rae couldn't even look at him. It hurt too much.

"Rae…" Jowan quietly said.

"You left me!" she found herself shouting the minute she heard his voice. The nurse halted in her work, looking over at them. Rae lowered her voice, but the emotion behind it still raged with each word. "You left me! And worst of all… worst of all… you…. I saw the puddle of blood on the floor covering the rune, I touched it, and it was on my hands!" She held up the palms of her hands in a wild gesture. "And then you tried to control my mind with your… your blood magic…" Jowan stood from the chair and sat next to her on the bed, taking her hands firmly into his.

"I would never, ever, do any of those things to you." As she looked into his eyes she could see the truth to his words, but was it just her hope because of her love for him? "I am not a blood mage. Even if I was, I would never harm you—and I would never abandon you."

"I don't know Jowan… I just don't know anymore…" She tried to turn from him, to lie back down but he wouldn't let her.

"I've given you little reason to believe me—especially now… but I would sooner die than hurt you." He placed his hands on her cheeks to keep her looking into his eyes. Rae hunched forward, resting her head on his chest as he drew his arms around her.

"What's going on Jowan?" she said her voice breaking under strain. "What's going on… why is all of this happening?" She shook her head as she reached up and took a firm hold of his clothes between her fingers. "I can't lose you…" He rubbed her back gently. "Tell me you aren't a blood mage… tell me one more time."

"I'm not a blood mage," he said. She began crying in utter relief, clutching to him and nodding. She lifted her head to look at him—he was so close… His hand went to her head, running his fingers across her messy hair. She thought the confusion was gone—but here he was, the same old Jowan, and her heart was more torn than she thought it possible to be.

"What happened to you Jowan? What happened to you yesterday?"

"…I was… out as you probably already know—and then I ran into him…"

"Who?"

"…The blood mage. I went out because I wanted to warn the woman I've been seeing to stay out of the halls at night—that we would have to refrain from meeting until the matter was settled," Jowan explained.

"You two were to meet in the Chantry? Huh... how ironically popular that place is for illicit secretive meetings..."

"Yes—anyway you were already there, surprisingly. I thought at first you may have been waiting for me, but… I will admit I did not know what to think when I saw you and—anyway, I stormed back to the library and was intending to just go back to the room and sleep, but there he was. I believe there is also an entire faction of them," Jowan said. "Andraste's ghost you could've been a thrall of the blood mage… I'm so sorry I—I just didn't think."

"Jowan we have to go to the first enchanter," Rae urged. They spoke in hushed whispers so that the nurse couldn't hear.

"Not without more proof—they'll just think it was me, there's already rumors," Jowan replied.

"Anders and Karl believe it's Uldred…"

"It is Uldred. He nearly killed me. I would of course be the lucky one to stumble on a practicing blood mage," Jowan groaned.

"I was told Uldred went with the other mages to Ostagar this morning," Rae said.

"Did he?" Jowan looked ponderous at this then frowned—he was still feeling guilty. He glanced away from her, so defeated. She brushed her fingers over his cheek, moving his hair out of his face. He took her hand in his and lowered it onto the bed, looking up at her. "I want you to meet her… I want you to meet Lily," he said. Rae's heart sunk.

"Lily? Is that the…"

"Yes. It's the woman I've been seeing."

"Oh so she finally has a name?" Rae said smartly. Jowan weakly grinned at her statement and nodded.

"Perhaps tonight, now that the tower is safe? I doubt the other blood mages will do anything if Uldred is gone…" Rae's shoulders dropped in response to his suggestion. No… not tonight.

"I'm being forced to go through my Harrowing tonight Jowan." He visibly tensed. "After—when I am a full mage… things will be better," Rae added, and placed her hands on his cheeks. As she stared into his eyes she found herself fighting the urge to kiss him. It was so powerful, so strong that she even began to move closer. It was made all the more difficult to restrain when she realized he was not moving away. Summoning the greatest of her willpower she leaned away from him, and began pulling at her blanket.

"So… Cullen," Jowan said. She looked at him surprised that he returned to the subject. There was a warmth that bloomed up the back of her neck and into her cheeks. "Do you love him?" Her eyes searched his—there was something in the tone of his voice as he questioned her that didn't sit right. It didn't feel like an innocent inquiry from one friend to another… no… there was something beneath it, something that set off warning bells in her mind—primarily because she found that she couldn't answer as easily as she had given Anders one. Looking into Jowan's eyes indicated a finality that would come with her answer one way, or the other, that she wasn't willing to accept, not just yet. The complications continued to grow at a staggering rate in the time span of only two days. It was bewildering. Jowan smiled and patted her on the shoulder. "You should rest before your Harrowing," he advised as he noticed her indecision.

"You're staying?"

"I wouldn't leave even if you asked me to. I'm going to stay right here," Jowan said. "Just as you did for me." Rae nodded as she settled down onto her pillow.

"Except you snuck out," she reminded him. He smiled and placed his feet up on the bed.

"Well you have my word that won't happen this time." Rae smiled and pulled the covers up over her shoulders, turning onto her side and closing her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter Five: The Harrowing

Rae wore a stoic expression as she came up the steps of the Harrowing Chamber. It was a grandiose circular room with large stained glass windows that were illuminated ominously in the light of the moon. Rae took in a deep breath and walked forward towards the first enchanter and knight-commander. Her eyes traveled to a pedestal in the center of the room with a bowl atop it. She recognized its contents immediately—lyrium. Cullen stood just opposite of them, wearing a determined and purposeful expression. The air in the chamber was somber and still with the prospect that failure meant certain death. There were no second chances.

"Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him," the knight-commander said, approaching Rae. "Thus spoke the prophet Andraste as she cast down the Tevinter Imperium: ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin. Your magic is a gift…" Greagoir began to pace before her. "But it's also a curse. For demons of the dream realm, the Fade, are drawn to you; and seek to use you, as a gateway into this world." The knight-commander halted back in front of her.

"This is why the Harrowing exists…" Irving went on to say. "The ritual sends you into the Fade, and there… you will face a demon." Irving approached her, and stood beside her. "You are armed… with only your will." Rae nodded. She wondered, postulated that perhaps the test had to do with demons—but going into the Fade from a fully conscious state? She wondered how it was that she never made the connection.

"I am ready First Enchanter. I am ready," Rae said, inhaling deeply and letting out her breath slowly and calmly. Peace settled over her, warm and steady as she looked to the pedestal in the middle of the floor. She cleared her mind of all thoughts of fear and failure—of life and death, of love and anger. None of those things mattered more in this moment, than a conscience clear and free. Unfettered from mortal worries and cares that the demons would flock to and try to take advantage of.

"Know this apprentice; if you fail… we templars will perform our duty. You will die," said the knight-commander. Rae looked directly over at Cullen.

"I understand Knight-Commander," she said.

"You see the lyrium before you—the very essence of magic young apprentice… it is to be your gateway into the Fade," Greagoir explained.

"The Harrowing is a secret out of necessity child. Every mage must go through this trial by fire…" Irving said. "As we succeeded, so shall you. Keep your wits about you, and remember, the Fade is a realm of dreams. The spirits may rule it, but your own will is real." Rae took comfort in his words of encouragement—what he was allowed to speak as it were.

"The apprentice must go through this test alone… First Enchanter," Greagoir stepped in. He looked at Rae. "When you are ready," he said, gesturing towards the pedestal. Irving nodded and took several steps back from her. Rae lifted her chin and stepped towards the center of the room. Her eyes went to Cullen, and for the briefest of moments she could see the worried look in his eye, his words coming to surface in her mind. Would he strike her down if she'd become an abomination? Or would he try to do everything he could to save her? She did not look away from him as she placed her hand into the lyrium. It tingled on her hand, taking firm hold of it, consuming her skin. She quickly brought her hand to her chest and closed her eyes feeling the magic consume her. It was blissful, and wonderful—a feeling she wished would never leave her. The last she heard before everything went black was the sound of sordid, grating laughter.

There were voices all around her—speaking in languages she couldn't decipher, and yet she still knew of what they were speaking. They circled and invaded, crawling in and out of her brain, raising her eyelids. Above her—was sky. Or was it? It looked like sky… or tried to. Slowly, she sat up. This was not anywhere she recognized—yet it was as familiar to her as her own name. Great jagged rocks protruded from the ground which seemed to abruptly end a short distance away from where she was sitting. An island. An island? In the sky. Right, because it was sky. It was just not the usual sky. Rae rubbed her face in her hands—her head was so foggy, why was that?

_Because things always are in the Fade._

The Fade. Yes. She couldn't recall having this much trouble remembering this place when she slept.

_That's because I'm not sleeping._

Rae stood, straightening out her robes and she started forward, following the path as it twisted downward. There was only one way to go, as if the Fade had conjured this place specifically for her, and did not wish for her to stray from its intention.  
>There was something urgent she had to do, wasn't there? Something important…<p>

"Watch where you're stepping!" She halted at the voice, her foot stuck in the air and she looked down, placing her foot carefully on the ground. It was a rodent. Rodents don't speak.

_This is the Fade. Anything that wishes to may speak._  
>Of course. So the mouse speaks.<p>

"Another one… as fresh and unprepared as all the others—thrown to the wolves. It's not right you know, what the templars do. To you: to me," spoke the mouse. The templars? What had the templars done now? Suddenly in a bright flash of light the mouse was no longer a mouse, but a man. "And you look just as lost and confused as all the others as well…"

"I am not lost. This is the Fade," Rae said assuredly, as if she was reminding this man of where he was. Didn't he approach her? Why should she be the one to tell him these things? Her head was still so clouded…

"Hm. Then perhaps your cause is not entirely lost. There are other spirits here who can help you, if you seek them out—but there is also a demon that hunts you… do not engage it if you are not ready," advised the mouse. Did he have a name? No, mice did not have names. She would just have to call him Mouse. That seemed simple, logical; appropriate. After all, it's what he was, wasn't it?

"If the demon hunts me, then how is it that I can choose whether or not to engage it?" Rae inquired.

"A fair question that can only be answered by you I imagine—look. You do not have much time. They kill you, you know, the templars… if you're in the Fade too long. They assume you failed and they'll cut you down then and there. Like they did to me…" Mouse said.

"You were an apprentice… like me?" Rae asked.

"I think so. I must have been. I can't remember now—I've been here so long… but let's move. I do not wish for you to share in my fate," Mouse said, and he reverted back to his rodent form. Rae knelt down and he climbed into her hands. She placed him on her shoulder and off she went, pressing forward.

_They_ were there, whoever they were—whispering in her mind, telling her things, secretive things, exciting things, powerful things, and she wanted to stop and listen, but her feet kept her walking on. The farther she went, the quieter the voices became, until they were nothing more than a breeze through her mind—distant and languid.

"A spirit…" Mouse squeaked in her ear. Rae's eyes moved up a rise to her left. She heard it before she saw it—an armored man, working on an anvil with a flame billowing beside him. When she approached he turned, as if sensing her presence. Templar armor, she knew the Sword of Mercy emblazoned on the chest well. Why did she know it so well?

_I am a mage, and this is my Harrowing… the templars are waiting for me..._

She was in the Fade, this was no dream, and she was performing her Harrowing. The mouse on her shoulder was a man, a former apprentice who must have learned to change his form—perhaps to protect himself from the things that lurked and whispered. The fog began to lift from her head as she thought on these things, and stared at the armored spirit in front of her.

"So they have sent another one this way… how will you fare I wonder?" said the spirit.

"Who are you?" Rae asked.

"I am a Spirit of Valor. What you see behind me are weapons I have forged, hoping that one day, one who is worthy enough will wield one of them valorously," said Valor.

"A weapon against the demon of this realm would prove useful…" advised Mouse. Rae was in agreement—a stave would serve a great purpose for her. It would channel her power and magnify it. Stave it was.

"I need a weapon to fight the demon of this realm. Particularly a mage's staff. Would you be able to provide me with one?" she asked.

"Of course I could provide you with one. Will I however… is another matter entirely."

"This doesn't seem good…" Mouse whispered.

"This is cowardly the way they make you mages prove your usefulness, your strength. Better to pit you in combat with one another. May the best one win," suggested Valor.

"Were we warriors, that may work good spirit, but unfortunately we were not crafted as such—nor trained as such," Rae replied.

"I never understood that saying… 'may the best one win,'" Mouse said. "Would anyone truly think otherwise?"

"You have a point mortal… but none the less, if you wish to obtain one of my weapons you must prove yourself first," Valor said.

_The sky is so very strange. Where is the sun? Why is there light with no sun?_

"I will prove myself. What must I do?" Rae asked of the spirit.

"We will battle, and if I so feel that you are worth enough to take one of my weapons, I will stop the battle and declare you the victor," Valor explained. Rae pondered the proposition—it was a very good proposition. She'd never truly battled anyone before—there was just the training, but those were just exercises. She remember Jowan almost singing his own eyebrows laughed and she smiled. Silly Jowan. He would get a kick out of this place.

_Focus._

Right. Couldn't something terrible happen in a real fight? She placed a hand to her forehead, this place was so disjunctive. Something was not right; there was something… odd…

_I am in the Fade. I am going through my Harrowing._

"I will not battle you spirit," Rae said with a clearer mind. "For all I know, you are a demon yourself trying to trick me, trying to kill me before the templars do if I fail. If you truly are a benevolent spirit, you will aid me in my task against the demons, you will not hinder me." The spirit looked curiously at her, and a might frustrated. Perhaps it was truly hoping for a battle.

"I am no demon and I am outraged you would presume me to be as much—but your words are still true enough." The spirit turned and headed to his store of weapons, taking from one of the racks a hefty staff. He measured it in his hand for a moment then went back to her, handing it over. Rae reached out and took it carefully, immediately feeling its power and connection to her. With this… she could do anything. She ran the palm of her hand up and down the length of it, eyeing the tool with great wonder and fancy. Yes—she could do anything with this. "You have your weapon. I will suffer your company no longer," said the spirit.

"I thank you great spirit."

"Your gratitude is best served by defeating the lord of this realm," Valor replied—then vanished before her eyes, weapons and all.

"Impressive," Mouse squeaked. Yes… it was impressive wasn't it? "Come, we've no time to waste." Rae nodded and left the now empty rise. She traversed across a twisting land path that curved upwards beneath her feet as she walked. It was as if the land itself had begun to shape beneath her feet out of necessity, continuing to guide her. All at once Mouse began to quake on her shoulder. "There is another spirit nearby… we are… approaching it." Rae could hear it, snoring? She stepped lively up the crest of another rise where she saw a great and twisted bear. It was lying on the ground in relative comfort, fast sleeping. Horns and spikes protruded from its skin gruesomely, but it did not appear in pain. Quite the contrary, it looked rather peaceful while it laid there. It looked so… content. A good sleep would be nice…

"Excuse me," Rae said with a yawn. The bear snorted then opened an eye, peering at her lazily.

"Mm… so you are the mortal being hunted? And the small one… is he to be a snack for me…?" said the bear, his voice echoing through the realm. Mouse leapt from her shoulder and changed back into a human man.

"I don't like this…" he cautiously advised. "He's not going to help us. We should go." The bear inhaled the air deeply, as if getting their scent then dragged itself up off the ground to stand on its four legs.

"No matter, the demon will get you eventually… and perhaps there will even be scraps left." The bear gave a great yawn after he spoke, as if the mere act of vocalization was wearisome.

"What kind of spirit are you?" Rae asked.

"A demon… probably more powerful than the one hunting after you," Mouse replied before the bear could answer.

"Be gone! Surely you have better things to do mortal than to bother Sloth. I tire of you already…" Sloth said, pawing at the ground then lying back down, curling up with its paws beneath its horned head.

_A Sloth demon… mm. A rest sounds nice, just a sit down perhaps…_

"I must defeat the demon of this realm, and that is not something that can be argued against. Whatever you are, I ask for your help," Rae said with a yawn. The great beast heaved a sigh of annoyance.

"Mortals such as yourself are ever the annoyance…"

"What do you mean mortals such as myself?" Rae asked.

"You… are aware. A mortal with power and will. The sort of creature some spirits… hunger for."

"…Oh."

Sloth yawned loudly, shifting its head on its massive paw for more comfort. "I might be inclined for such a meal myself. It would be interesting to see the world through your eyes… live inside your form—alas, I am disinclined to begin such a struggle." It lifted one of its hind legs and scratched at its prodigious girth.

"Lucky me…" Rae muttered.

"Mm... indeed. I noticed you... yawn earlier. You seem worn down mortal-such is the lot with mortals isn't it? Always needing to rest... why don't you come and have a seat beside me and just... rest?" Sloth said, voice smooth. It covered her mind like sweet honey, enticing her to take up the offer. Another yawn passed her lips and her eyes began to lull open and shut. Just a quick rest-a small one. All this having to be aware in this place was truly exhausting.

_Guard yourself... he is a demon. Resist._

Her eyes snapped back open and she shook her head. "No thank you..." Rae said coming out of her daze. "I'm fine where I am. You just... keep out of my head demon," she ordered.

"Hm... perhaps he is as powerful as I mentioned—he may be able to teach you to be like him," Mouse suggested.

"Teach the mortal to be like me? Most mortals are too attached to their forms to change, but you little one… you might be a better student, you've let go of your human form years ago," Sloth replied. It rolled over onto its side and exhaled tiredly.

"I… don't think I would make a very good bear. How would I hide?" Mouse said in return.

"Hiding doesn't help anything. We need to face our fears Mouse," Rae said.

"We? I've encountered more things in this place than you could imagine fear is…" Mouse sighed and ran his hand back through his hair. "No… I'm sorry—you're right. Hiding does not help. Forgive me, it's the Fade it… changes you. I'll try." He looked over at Sloth. "If you'll teach me."

"That's nice…" Sloth yawned and closed its eyes. "But teaching is so exhausting. Away with you now."

"No!" Rae yelled, her voice echoed through the vast expanse around them. She struck the base of her staff onto the ground, a pulse of energy radiating from it, enough to roll Sloth over several times. "You will teach him to be a bear—I do not have time for these games demon." Sloth righted itself and pushed back up to its feet, approaching her.

"…Alright. I will teach the little one to be a bear. If only to avoid having to… do anything else." It did not take long for Sloth to instruct Mouse on how to acquire the new form. Mouse was a good listener, and already open to such change. Only a few tries later her companion stood beside her, as bulky and mighty as a bear could ever be. He seemed surprised and a little cumbersome, but it would be immensely helpful none the less. Greagoir's words crept into her mind—she would have to do this alone. Hardly. It was a wonderfully pleasant surprise to find such allies here in the Fade. All her life she'd been told it was a horrid, dangerous place for mages; and some of her dreams had even reflected this. She had been told the Fade was the bane of their existence and the sole reason all of this precaution was so necessary. However, her experience was hardly anything like that at all.

"Like this?" Mouse asked. "Am I… a bear? It feels heavy…" Rae grinned and patted him on the back.

"Close enough," Sloth said. "Go then and defeat your demon… or whatever you intend to do. I grow weary of your mortal prattling…" It dropped heavily to the ground and closed its eyes, opening its massive jaws in a yawn. Rae smiled down at Mouse, who was no longer Mouse, but was a bear—and she turned and left back down the small rise, retracing her steps. Mouse moved behind her, trying to get used to walking about in this new form.

"I think I could get used to this," he said somewhat excitedly. "I feel so… powerful."

"Good. I'm glad," Rae said. They came to an open circular clearing, empty, and riddled with odd looking things that twisted out of the ground. They were very much blue, and a mist—no—a power flowed from them like mist, dissipating into the air. Rae could feel what it was very clearly—lyrium. Best stay away from it. As she stepped foot inside of the clearing fire burst forth from the ground, outlining the clearing in a half-circle. She shielded herself from the waves of ashes and embers that billowed about and when it cleared, the ground before her began to burn and pulsate.

"…And there… is a spirit of rage…" Mouse said somewhat disdainfully. Rae watched an arm push up from beneath the smoldering dirt. It appeared to be nothing more than a skeletal limb with liquid fire skin that dripped from it, further adding to the blazing embers it came from. As its full form ascended like a body rising from its grave, the burning flesh solidified and it stood before her—bathed in fire with glowing spheres of yellow eyes peering hungrily at her, was the demon Rage. The heat intensified greatly as she neared the demon, stopping with enough distance to defend herself if need be. Her heart began to race in her chest—so it came to her test now, resist, her will must be kept her own. This demon would not pass from this realm and use her as a vessel—she would not feel Cullen's blade, she would not put him in such a position.

"At last… it comes to me," the demon said, its voice low and grating like coals crackling on an open flame. "Soon I shall see the land of the living with your eyes creature. You shall be mine, body and soul…"

"I will afford you no such path demon. No…" Rae stated. That's right. She was able to break away from a blood mage, imposing their will on her own. This, all of this was only a courtesy for the templars. It was so they could see that the mages were strong—that they could withstand temptation and master themselves. She did not need to go through this to prove herself in control. None of it was even real—nothing of it, but her own will; and her will was strong. Her mind had cleared away the fog and she was indeed aware as Sloth had put it. The demon before her gave an intrigued laugh.

"We? How amusing. Have you not told it of our… arrangement, Mouse?" asked the demon. Rae looked sharply over at her ally who had changed back into his human form. Mouse looked at the demon with courage and disdain.

"We don't have an arrangement. Not anymore!"

Had the demon a proper face, Rae could picture it smiling in grim displeasure. "Aww. And after all the meals we've shared together? Now the mouse wants to change the rules?" Rae looked to her companion who seemed to have a mild break in his composure. What horrors did he partake in? Anything he needed to perhaps just to stay alive. She nodded at him encouragingly. They would do this together.

"I'm not a mouse now!" he suddenly yelled, looking back at the demon. "And soon I won't have to hide… I don't need to bargain with you!" A low growl issued forth from his throat, his eyes began to emit a soft glow. "…You won't have this one…" Rae readied her staff, taking a few steps back from the demon to allow a bit more distance.

"…We shall see," said Rage. It roared into the air, shaking the very ground beneath their feet. In a flash of white light Mouse was once again the bear and he charged in straight at the demon, knocking it back. Rae watched as her companion swiped and tore at the creature while Rage's very touch singed at her companion's flesh. From behind her she could hear a great commotion as spirits rose from the ground, wisps of souls that crackled with electricity. Rae dug the base of her staff into the ground and let it go. Her arms crackled with the very same kind of power that was soon launched in her direction. She deflected it with a wave of her hand, the attacks dissipating into the air. Then she grabbed the staff and in a great arcing motion swiped it horizontally before her, sending a slice of power that burned up the wisps, until they broke apart—disappearing completely.

This was the Fade, a realm of dreams—her dream. Nothing could hurt her here, and everything was under her control. A demon could take her mind, only if she willed it; and this shop was closed. She looked at the growths of lyrium around the circle and approached one, holding her hand out over it. There was no need to be afraid or uncertain. She could feel its power seeping into her, feeding her. Her very body picked up the soft glow of the lyrium as she turned to face the demon and the bear. Rage managed to throw her companion from him. Mouse was a bloody mess, snarling, lips curling showing vicious looking fangs as he prepared to charge in once more. Then he paused and looked at Rae.

As she approached the very ground beneath her feet began to freeze, leaving patches of white in her wake. It was time to extinguish this flame—she'd been here long enough, there were other matters more pressing at hand than this demon and its selfish desires. Flecks of ice escaped her lips through each white breath she took while her lips began to frost and a rime began to form on her staff emanating from where she held it. The demon turned on her, heaving great fiery breaths as it gathered itself and its strength to strike at her. Rae stopped, icy tendrils crawling along the ground from her feet. Rage burst forth, leaving blackened scorch marks in his wake while Rae calmly took her staff in both hands and with the same sweeping arc in front of her released a burst of the lyrium augmented magic.

A massive wall of ice broke up from the ground, catching the demon in its clutches and the more the creature struggled, the greater the wintery prison fought back until Rage was entirely encased. Rae approached and whirled her staff, swinging it into the frozen block, shattering it like glass, and the demon with it.

Then all evidence of the battle faded and disappeared, leaving things looking as if nothing happened at all.

Rae swayed where she stood, dropping her staff to the ground as her body began to normalize. Such power… could it be harnessed in the mortal world as well without the aid of lyrium?

"You… you did it!" Mouse said. "You actually did it!" He was back in his human form, looking right as rain. He took her by the shoulders to help steady her. "Incredible. When you came I hoped that maybe you'd… you might have been able to—but I never thought any of you were worthy!" Rae slowly looked up at him. …Worthy? She rolled his hands off her shoulders and took a few steps back. Worthy… she was worthy wasn't she though? She'd mastered the demon of this realm; she'd done more than most apprentices before her in this place. She was the top pupil, Irving had said so himself. Rae shook her head as things began to become somewhat foggy once more. She looked suspiciously up at Mouse—she wasn't the only one.

"…The ones you betrayed before me… what were their names?" she said. He looked at her, shocked. He laughed, caught off-guard.

"It was… so long ago and… the Fade you know, does things to you—I can't remember their names…" he said. "But the others, they never had a chance, not like you. The templars set them up to fail—just like you." This man's—was he even a man—his hatred was so familiar to her. His dislike of the templars… someone else… she knew, but it was again so hard to think.

_Anders._

Anders. That's right, Anders. She had promised to help him, she had promised to bring his happiness back to him—she owed him a great debt, him and… and…

_Karl._

Her friends. Her great friends, the people who made things tolerable in the Circle. The Circle! The Harrowing! The templars!

_CULLEN._

_JOWAN._

Her head exploded with these names and faces and the mist no longer clung to her mind—it was gone. Gone even from the shadows where it had waited to confuse her again. She looked up at Mouse… that was not his name. He was not even human. Her true test was not the demon of rage. Shaking her head she stepped back from him.

"What is wrong? Why do you look at me so? Please do not go… you've given me hope—hope that I've long since forgotten. You've defeated a demon! Its presence is nowhere to be found anywhere. That was all of your doing. You've passed your test, and with time, you will become an enchanter with no equal," Mouse said reassuringly. He sounded so sincere—so friendly, but something was not right. He stepped up to her, taking her hands in his own. "You could help me… so small… so forgotten—betrayed by the templars… please my friend—just let me in…" Rae looked up at him in horror and ripped her hands away from him.

"Don't touch me. You were never truly an apprentice were you? All you've said was a lie—you… you were my true test," she pointed. "My mind, is my own get back!" Mouse stared at her quietly for a moment then stepped back, ultimately turning from her.

"Maybe they were right about you…" he said—there was a second voice along with his own, somewhere beneath. "Simple killing is a warrior's job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconceptions, careless trust… pride." His body was enveloped in light as he grew to an immense stature before her. She took several steps back, ready to fight if necessary—but it didn't seem as if the demon was all too eager to do so. She was never meant to fight him… "Keep your wits about you mage…" said the demon. "True tests, never end."


	6. Chapter 6

Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter Six: Duty and Darkspawn

"Are you alright…? Say something please…" It was Jowan's voice—it sounded so distant. Rae found herself reaching for it, moving towards it until her eyes opened. She was in her bed, and the soft sounds of chatter around her suggested she was back in the apprentice quarters. Sure enough, standing beside her was Jowan. He knelt down as he saw her awaken and patted her on the shoulder. "You've been gone all night," he said. He was looking much better—almost back to his normal self. "Anders and Karl came by earlier but you were still out." Rae sat up slowly, surprised at how rested and relaxed she felt considering all that had happened. Jowan leaned in and whispered. "…So what happened?" It took a moment for his question to process into what he meant when he asked it.

"I went into the Fade…" she replied; no sense in lying about it, or hiding it when she didn't agree with how secretive it was in the first place. With all that was going to happen she knew after this…

"Is that all?" he asked, somewhat surprised.

"I faced demons," Rae went on.

"Right I guess that makes sense—they want to see if you can master yourself against them." Jowan was taking all of this surprisingly well; perhaps it wasn't such a surprise. It wasn't as if he was a particularly bad mage, and his nervousness did not equate to cowardice, but as Rae thought about Jowan going through a Harrowing, she wondered if he actually could keep from the temptations of the demons—could he truly steel himself against what they had to offer? Of course he could, what a silly thing to think of, or even entertain.

"Rae," Jowan said, interrupting her thoughts, "I need to speak with you about something… but for now Irving wishes to see you, and you best not keep him waiting," he said, helping her from the bed to her feet.

"Jowan what is it?" Rae asked. Her friend looked nervously about, which only caused her to worry.

"Tonight… we'll speak tonight—and, you'll meet Lily then too."

"You're making me very uneasy," Rae commented anxiously.

"Don't be. We'll speak later I promise. Now is just not the time," Jowan attempted to reassure her.

"Alright well… I don't…" Rae began as Jowan placed a hand on her cheek.

"You're a full-fledged mage now. Be happy, and congratulations," he said warmly. "Don't forget, Irving," Jowan reminded, then turned and left. Rae felt wholly unfulfilled as she watched him leave—the moment was cut short, but she needed to just make due. Tonight she was to finally meet the woman Jowan had been risking his neck to see. There was a cold knot in her stomach that formed from the very notion.

"Have you heard anything? Is she awake?" a woman's voice said from across the stone floor. Rae approached, peering around a row of bunks to two women speaking near the door.

"How should I know? Why do you care anyhow? Are you two suddenly best friends?" the second woman asked. Rae recognized the first right away—Alena.

"No… I was just curious. That templar Cullen said it was the quickest, cleanest Harrowing he'd ever seen. He said she's very brave," Alena commented. The second woman scoffed.

"Of course he would…" They left from the door, giving Rae the opportunity to slip past them unnoticed. As she stepped out into the hall she realized that it was the last time she would be finding herself in the apprentice quarters as a place of residing. It was off to the mage's quarters now a floor above them, and a private room. Private room… that was going to be a comforting change. As she stood there, a full-fledged mage, her mind still lingering on the hasty meeting with Jowan after she'd woken, she wondered—where did she fit into his world? Or where did he fit into hers? The reality of the other woman was clear and undeniable, and now that she was deemed a full mage, the divide between them was made even wider. No use thinking on such things now, she needed to see Irving.

Rae glanced down the hall and was disappointed to find that Cullen was not standing post outside the apprentice quarters—though not surprised. The man must have been exhausted. She shook her head and took in a deep breath, putting on a smile. Maybe she could catch Karl or Anders on her way to Irving's study. So she began making her way through the tower, momentarily stopped by those congratulating her on completing her Harrowing. Templars, apprentices, and senior mages alike praised her—even those she hardly even knew, or ever saw before. It was a little overwhelming. As she journeyed through the apprentice studies she passed students focusing on their casting, some rattled, some achieving great success.

"Magic is meant to serve man… and not to rule over him," a child said from one of the alcoves. A class of children sat eagerly before an enchanter. Rae smiled as she remembered her days at one of those desks, eagerly scratching away at a piece of parchment or passing notes with Jowan. Everything was much simpler when she was a child; so much friendlier, and warmer—that was until Anders came into her world and began to show her the truth—a truth she would have eventually learned for herself later on.

Rae pressed on, her thoughts still dwelling on her childhood. She remembered once when she was sitting in this very library, pouring over a stack of tomes, Anders was off on one of his quests to harden Jowan's spine, and Karl had taken to tutoring her. It suddenly surprised Rae she'd almost forgotten this little moment, and how she had thought that if she ever had an older brother, Karl was everything she hoped for. He was someone who she realized mentored all of them—even Anders, though he would never admit it, but Karl did hold quite the positive influence in the rebel mage's life. Even more curious to Rae was that she knew nothing of Karl's viewpoints on the Circle, or even on the Chantry. Anders was so vocal about it he seemed to have opinion enough for everyone in the tower, but never once did Rae ever remember hearing a word from Karl on the matter either way.

Then it hit her—perhaps that was the reason Anders never involved Karl in his runaway schemes. Was it because Anders did not trust Karl, though they were inseparable friends? Or was it because Karl was neutral and Anders cared enough for the man not to involve him in his trouble? What then did that mean about her and Jowan? What a stupid question. She would have gone to the remotest regions of Thedas for him. He would have done the same for her. Their friendship was just of a different kind than Karl and Anders. Karl had been in the Circle longer than any of them. He had wisdom and experience with the Circle that she, Jowan, and Anders lacked that might have given him a greater sense of insight and contentment.

Rae wondered if Anders would ever be content. Even if he won his freedom somehow, would that be enough for him? There was a volatile aspect to his nature that was both inspiring and frightening. He was a noble man in her eyes, but his anger towards the templars and the Chantry and the Circle colored everything he'd done, or said, and perhaps even thought. So what else happened to make him so hateful? Where in Anders' life did something snap inside of him, and turn him into such an angered and indifferent vessel? Anders was tight lipped and there was no hope of retrieving that information from him, or Karl. She wondered what he would be like if he learned just to let his anger go—though she had no right thinking of that herself. Not when her own fire was stirred at the notion of the injustices done to the mages—the thought that any one of them could disappear in the night, and return an emotionless husk by dawn.

Ultimately, where did that put her? What was her duty, where was her fealty as a fully recognized mage? She'd never sat down and thought on these things. Was she neutral like Karl? Submissive like most of the apprentices she knew? Was she harboring a rebellious spirit that could not be quenched like Anders? Where exactly did she fall? This question greatly disturbed her, far more than she imagined it would. She realized this was what every mage had to ponder, where would they place themselves in the great scheme of things? She was in love with a templar, and yet treasured the notion of unguarded freedom—the sun on her face without feeling the tug of a leash on her spirit. She wanted to peer through a window and not feel as if she was looking through bars—but she felt safe. Sometimes she just wished she was powerless. Normal; and she wondered just what it was, how her spirit had offended the Maker before it was placed into her mortal body as a newborn that He saw fit to curse her.

Suddenly she felt an arm snake its way around her waist spin round with her. She shook her head startled, realizing she'd been roaming up through the tower distractedly as she grabbed onto whoever was dancing with her.

"You really should watch where you're going," said Anders as he lifted her arm and twirled her to some silent tune. When Rae managed to finally get her bearings she let Anders go and took a few steps back from him. "Oh what, too good for me now that we're on the same level?" he said. Rae smirked and straightened out her robes.

"Of course not Anders. You and I will never be on the same level… no one will ever be on your level. You've made your own level," she replied. Anders beamed proudly.

"You make a very reasonable point. One in which I have no issue with."

"Irving has asked to see me, but I was hoping to catch you or Karl before I got to his study, so this is actually fortuitous," she said. Anders folded his arms over his chest, looking amused.

"Oh I see… you don't have to hide it Rae. You were just looking for me, don't be shy." He walked forward and took her hands in his, kissing the backs of them. "Now that we both have private rooms in the senior mage quarters…"

"Correction," Rae said, slipping her hands out from his. "I do. You are forever going to have a templar babysitter in your room."

"True. They keep ignoring my requests for a female watch… I think Irving may slowly be coming around however," Anders said pointedly. Rae chuckled.

"Good luck with that," she said patting him on the chest.

"But, my dear, as you so wonderfully stated… you have a private room…" Anders said with a wily grin.

"Now you're just overreaching Anders. Count your losses and try another day," Rae said. He pouted somewhat and nodded.

"I suppose you have a point. So, I'm sure you've heard this more times than you'd have liked to today, but congratulations! You get to wear the big shot robes," Anders said. Rae rolled her eyes and nodded. "I bet you're just thrilled." He took her hand and lifted it into the air, twirling her once more. Rae laughed and went along with it to at least entertain him. He had that way about him—it was hard to say no to Anders. She had to admit that he was sometimes so charming she would need to walk away just so he wouldn't see her blush—but the way he treated her was different from most of the female mages. It was warm, and almost protective. Even when he was being a merciless flatterer.

When she'd finished her twirl he pulled her in close to him and placed his hand on the small of her back. Several mages whispered and quietly laughed as they passed. Rae quirked a brow and placed her hand over his face, pushing him backwards from her.

"Oh just to have your grace milady! Your smile!" Anders said loudly, his voice echoing down the hall .Rae looked around, feeling heat rise into her cheeks.

"Anders! Be quiet!" she said laughing softly.

"Why must you spurn my affections? Oh to have you turn your countenance upon me favorably!"

"I swear Anders I am going to hit you, very hard. In the face," Rae playfully threatened. He mock flinched.

"Point taken. We can't have this being marred in any way," Anders said, gesturing to his face.

"You're right, it's the only thing good about you," Rae added.

"Whoa! Low blow. Low blow… although I am amazingly handsome aren't I?"

"I'm not going to even give you the satisfaction of an answer," Rae said. She suddenly remembered Jowan. "Right, before I forget… again. Stop distracting me…"

"With my beautiful face? I don't know how to…" Rae raised a fist in a playful gesture, Anders flinched. "Ah! Alright, alright!"

"Have you spoken to Jowan recently?" Rae asked.

"Not since before he went to visit you in the infirmary yesterday, but we didn't exchange many words. He's a little off—well… more off than usual, that fella'. Worries me a bit," Anders replied.

"Yes well… Jowan intends for me to meet his secret… woman tonight," Rae said.

"Oh, is that so? You know, I've been a bit curious myself to see her," Anders replied ponderously. Rae grinned and began to tug at her robe sleeves. She began to feel apprehensive—about the idea altogether, coupled with her very recent realization that she felt her neutrality within the tower may be over. Perhaps Anders would be willing to speak with her about it. His smile faded slightly as he noticed her uneasiness and lack of response.

"Rae… what's going on?" he asked warily. Rae spied the templars standing at their post, and the mages as they walked along the corridor in and out of rooms.

"…Is there somewhere we can go that's not… well…" she glanced over at the templars once more. Anders placed his arm around her shoulders and escorted her down the hall and into the senior mage's study. They couldn't go somewhere nearly as private as her new room—Anders understood that his movements were being watched very closely. Their best vote of privacy for their conversation was to be in public—but where there was lots of noise. He chose a study nook among the massive shelves of books that was uninhabited and pulled a chair out for her. She sat at the small table there and Anders sat across from her. He shoved aside a stack of books that had been left by the previous students, sighing in dismay—he was going to have to put those away later. "You're one escape away from tower latrine duty Anders," Rae remarked. Anders grimaced.

"… I think I could handle the mage lavatories—it's the templar ones that frighten me…" he replied. "So what are we here for?"

"I have been thinking Anders… you know, about where I fit into all this now that I'm a full-fledged mage. I realized I cannot remain idle anymore, a stand will have to be made somewhere, but I'm just not sure if I can do it," Rae explained. Anders wore a thoughtful look on his face as she spoke; his smug expression melting away to careful consideration. He glanced around to make sure that no one was close by, then leaned in and dropped the volume of his voice as he replied.

"Have you ever heard of the Fraternities of Enchanters?"

"A little. They're just groups of enchanters and mages who hold differing viewpoints on the Circle and Chantry aren't they?"

"Yes—but it is far more in depth than that. There are six of them, but only five of them are big enough to truly matter. There are the Aequitarians, which most of the enchanters belong to. They're ideals are fair enough I guess… working alongside of the templars, but not kowtowing to them. I believe Irving is an Aequitarian. I think I could see you Rae as an Aequitarian as well. Counted among some of them however, are Loyalists—mages who would sell their souls just to have the Chantry spit favorably in their direction…" As Anders spoke of the Loyalists Rae thought he was going to spit on the floor then and there to drive home his point.

"Well I'm glad you count me as an Aequitarian and not a Loyalist," Rae said with a smirk.

"Never. Do not take this in offense, but I would never have even bothered to speak with you had that been the case," Anders said—he seemed unnervingly serious. Rae felt as if her smile had been pulled right off her face.

"There's the Formari… a group that believes we should use our powers to create things of use for others—like enchantments."

"Only The Tranquil can create enchantments," Rae remarked. Anders solemnly nodded. "Oh…"

"There are the Isolationists who believe we should all go live on some island somewhere and be free to practice magic, but away from others in case something goes wrong—not much different from living in the tower. The only exception is no sword at our necks, but no contact with others? Hardly freedom is it?" Anders further explained. Rae shrugged.

"I suppose not…"

"Then…" Anders once more glanced around and dropped his voice to nearly a whisper. "…There's the Libertarians…" Rae had recognized that look on Anders' face before. Several times in fact—when he was pondering something that would not be looked favorably upon by the templars or the Chantry. "The Libertarians wish for the mages to watch over and govern themselves. We wish to be free of Chantry oppression and rid of the shackles our templar watchers place on us."

"We? You said we…" Rae pointed out.

"Yes…"

"You consider yourself a Libertarian?"

"And sometimes a Resolutionist—but that's mostly just in thought; and only when the templars really get me riled…" Anders said. That casual smirk of his reappeared on his face and undid some of the anxiety that Rae had built up over the conversation, but she was still somewhat confused.

"What's a Resolutionist Anders?" she hesitantly asked.

"Someone who will do anything necessary to ensure freedom for the mages."

"…Even, violence?"

"Even violence." Anxiety swiftly returned. Rae sat back in her chair, stunned as she looked across the table at her friend. She knew Anders was loud-mouthed, opinionated, a hopeless flirt, and one of the most talented mages she'd ever seen; but violent? Then again, what did she truly know of him? He never shared anything with her or Jowan, and he was unyielding in doing so. Although he'd never shown any kind of concern or caring for plotting against the templars other than interesting pranks to annoy them beyond measure; he never seemed invested in doing much of anything other than getting himself out of the tower for good. Rae was not going to stand for this. Violence was taking things too far—there was always another way. If this was what he supported…

She stood from her chair, shaking her head and made to leave, but Anders was up in a heartbeat. He took her firmly by the wrist and turned her to look at him. "What must be done, must be done…" he gravely uttered.

"Yes, you said that before…" Rae replied, sternly quiet. He took her by the shoulders, forced her to look into his eyes. What she saw there caused a troublesome stir inside of her; one that shook her down to the core.

"When my family migrated from the Anderfels, we sought to begin a new life. One that wasn't constantly bombarded by darkspawn, or Chantry legalism…" It took Rae a moment to process the fact that he was actually telling her about his past. She remained quiet and tried not to appear too shocked. "It wasn't until we crossed into Ferelden that we understood the full scope of what the Chantry does. You see, nowhere other than in the villages of the Anderfels is the Chant of Light spoken so strictly, but in the place I grew up, there was a mixture of the Chantry's teachings, and the mysticism of the elves. As a result, I wasn't used to concealing my magic. There was no one to hide it from—but I learned differently as I was taken from my mother's arms. My parents had warned me, but I was a child."

"Anders I…" Rae began to say softly but he held a hand up to stop her speaking.

"Don't feel sorry for me. The templars did what they had to do I've come to terms with that, Maker, I even understand it—but I do not believe it to be right." He guided Rae back to the table and sat her down, then took his place across from her. "If I have to… physically do something to keep another child from going through what I did, I will not hesitate. I have chosen not to sit and brood. I've chosen instead to take action."

"But violence Anders… you'd… you'd be no better than them," Rae said. Anders opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to have been struck mute. He stared at her in frozen preponderance. She couldn't tell if it was because he felt offended, or perhaps because no one had ever said those words to him before.

"…You sound like Karl," Anders said, a surprising touch of warmth to his voice. Of course, and who better to speak those same words than Karl himself. Rae reached over and took her friend's hands in hers, squeezing them gently.

"Let it go Anders. Let it go." He slipped his hands out from her grasp and stood, pacing the floor in front of her. She needed to see Irving, she'd delayed long enough. As she stood Anders stopped and faced her; she froze mid-stand.

"What would you do if, say, you discovered that Jowan was to be made tranquil?" he suddenly asked. Rae remained where she was, indecisive of whether to stand, or sit as the question rolled in and out of her mind; more confused about why Anders had even asked such a thing in the first place. What an oddly, and frighteningly specific question to put forward.

"Anders why are you asking that?" Rae asked warily. He came forward and took her by the wrists, pulling her to her feet and pushing her back into the alcove. He pinned her against one of the bookshelves and blocked her sight of all else but him. "Anders you're hurting me…" Rae said as her wrists began to ache from the pressure put on them.

"What would you do Rae, if the man you loved was to be killed and all that remained of him was a walking, talking husk?" The way that he said it made it seem so real. Immediately her mind conjured the very image Anders spoke of—Jowan… not Jowan: like the Tranquil she saw roaming the tower: like the man running the stockroom: Owain. Their soulless eyes, their monotone voices and routine movements… were they even considered people anymore? The very thought of Jowan becoming one of them seized her with such unbelievable panic; his eyes upon her, feeling no kinship. She may as well have also been a husk. Rae wrenched herself free and pushed Anders back from her.

"I'd do anything I could to help him," she replied through clenched teeth. "Anything."

"You'd be willing to jeopardize your status, even your life to help him escape a Rite of Tranquility? What if that meant helping him escape from the tower? You'd never see him again…" Anders stated.

"Of course," she replied. "My status, my feelings… my life, they don't matter. They would pale in comparison to a tranquil fate. Everything else is moot. I may have an idle stance on a lot of things that go on around here… I may be involved with a templar—but one thing I am damn sure of Anders… no one deserves to be tranquil. The fear, the hopelessness I felt when I thought there was a chance I was going to be after my run in with the blood mage… I understand. Maker… I understand," Rae stated. "Life is not defined by just a beating heart, is it? It is so much more." She understood now. She understood why Anders had said what he'd said. It did not mean she counted herself among the Libertarians, but she no longer viewed herself as idle, a fence-sitter.

Anders suddenly and gently took her by the shoulders and kissed her softly on the cheek. She looked at him in confusion, heat running up her neck and face.

"U—Um…" Rae stuttered, words unable to form, thoroughly bewildered.

"You are a rare person, Rae. So rare…" he said, placing a hand on her cheek.

"Anders I…"

"I know. I know." He let his fingers gently graze her cheek before he let her go and stepped back. "Why must you tease me…?" he said with a half-smile. Rae's eyes widened. All this time…

"I never knew… I thought…"

"I was joking? At first I was. At first…" He shook his head. "I have no intention of taking you away from your sordid love affair with the templar, have no fear." His smile looked so saddened. "Jowan is a lucky man. It's regrettable the fool doesn't understand it. Go," he gestured, "Irving can't be kept waiting. You will have me at your side tonight when you go to meet Jowan's mystery woman, by the way—I believe that's what you were intending to ask of me?" Rae slowly nodded, still a bit in shock. With a sweeping bow he turned and left from her, disappearing around the bookshelves. That was… unexpected. She felt a touch remorseful that she couldn't return his feelings—she'd long ago given up on that road and he became much more of a brotherly figure to her.

She would never forget what he'd done for her. How clear her mind now felt. He had put everything into perspective for. There was always the chance that one of them might suddenly be carted off by the templars for one reason or another—there was always the chance one of them might give in to temptation… and it would be all over, but never before had she thoroughly entertained any of it actually being real. Never before had she truly given any thought to the fact that it could really happen to them; her, Jowan, Anders, or Karl. Even to the pain in the ass Alena, or the younger apprentices; any one of them… the children. It alarmed her—and emboldened her.

Irving. Right. She stepped lively through the library and back out into the corridor, heading for Irving's study. As she approached his office she could hear a heated argument taking place. Immediately she recognized Greagoir's voice. Irving responded in kind—but there was a third voice that she did not recognize. When she entered Greagoir was speaking again; to a man seasoned in age with dark hair, unfamiliar to her.

"…many have gone to Ostagar," she caught him saying mid-sentence. "Wynne, Uldred, and most of the senior mages! We've committed enough of our own to this war effort…" Rae stood idly in the doorway, pondering if she should wait outside, but her curiosity got the best of her and she just lingered where she was. The displeasure on the knight-commander's face was too good to pass up seeing.

"Your own?" Irving said quirking a brow. "Since when have you felt such kinship to the mages Greagoir? Or are you afraid to let the mages out from Chantry supervision where they can actually use their Maker-given powers?" Rae's eyes went to the third man. Ostagar? Did she hear correctly? Suddenly the whispers and half-talks of the Blight became something of a reality to her in that moment. So who was this man? Greagoir furrowed his brows and narrowed his gaze at the first enchanter, while the stranger's eyes moved from the bickering men to her, studying her with interest.

"How dare you suggest-" Greagoir began.

"Gentlemen, please," the third man interrupted. He gestured to Rae. "Irving… someone is here to see you." All three looked to her in the doorway. She felt a twinge of nervousness begin to snake its way along her spine as the attention, and tensions were shifted her direction.

"…Hi," was all she could think of to respond with.

"Ah, if it isn't our new sister in the Circle. Come child," Irving said with a smile as he approached her and escorted her further into the room.

"This is…?" the third man began.

"Yes, this is she. Rae Amell," Irving replied. Rae glanced from one man to the other.

"Well Irving, you're obviously busy. We will discuss this later," Greagoir said impatiently. "…You have my congratulations," he added stiffly, glancing at Rae. She nodded respectfully in return.

"Of course…" Irving replied, and they watched Greagoir exit the study. "Now," Irving spoke, calling Rae's attention back to him. "This is Duncan, commander of the Grey Wardens." Rae blinked a few times and shook her head.

"I'm sorry First Enchanter… it's been… quite a taxing few days—did you just say Grey Warden?" she asked.

"Indeed he did," said Duncan.

"If you don't mind me asking, what would a Grey Warden want with the Circle of Magi?"

"Grey Wardens go wherever duty sends them young lady," Duncan replied.

"Duncan is recruiting mages to join the king's army at Ostagar," added Irving. Rae's mind began feverishly working, putting the pieces together—the Grey Warden here knowing of her specifically. Either Irving managed to mention her in a passing letter—which neither man seemed the chit-chatting type, or something was going on here, and it troubled her.

"I wish you luck then Ser Warden, but you wished to see me First Enchanter?" she asked, feeling somewhat itchy to get out of the room and away from the Warden-commander.

"Of course. Let us not worry the poor girl Duncan with our talk of fighting. This is a happy day for her," Irving said proudly.

"We live in troubled times my friend," Duncan remarked.

"We should seek moments of levity, especially in troubled times," Irving pointed out. "The Harrowing is behind you; your phylactery has been sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi," Irving said to Rae. She nodded and bowed gratefully at the waist. Officially a mage in the Circle of Magi… it sounded so—final.

"Phylactery?" Duncan asked.

"When she first came to us blood was taken from her and stored in a magical vial…" Irving replied.

"…So she can be hunted if she turns apostate?" The Warden-commander sounded almost bothered by this notion—interesting.

Irving sighed and nodded. "We have few choices. The gift of magic is looked upon with suspicion and fear. We must prove we are strong enough to wield our power responsibly," the First enchanter further explained, though Duncan did not seem convinced that it truly was worth it. Rae found she was beginning to like this stranger. Irving looked over at Rae. "You have done this. I've called you here because I would like to award you with a new set of robes, your very own staff, and a ring with the Circle's insignia. I hope you wear them proudly—you've earned them child. Just as I knew you would…"

A templar brought forward a box while another approached with a staff in hand. Rae took the staff, feeling immediately the magical properties within it conform to her touch. It would perform however she needed. She strapped it behind her, then took the box. She ran her hand along the smooth dark wood. Senior mage's robes… a ring… a staff—everything she'd dreamt of as she went through her studies. They were now finally hers. She looked gratefully up at the first enchanter, hugging the box to her chest. "It also goes without saying that you will not discuss the Harrowing with those who have not undergone this rite," Irving added.

"…Of course First Enchanter," Rae said. Oops. She thought about how many mages actually heeded this rule. There was no way all of them kept this such a secret.

"Good. Now then, the day is yours, but first, if you would please escort Duncan to his quarters? I would greatly appreciate this. It is not what you were called here to do, but…"

"I would be glad to First Enchanter," Rae said warmly as she looked at Duncan. The Warden smiled. "It is not everyday a Grey Warden comes to the tower. I would be honored." If not incredibly intimidated, she thought.

"Splendid. The guest quarters are on the east side of this floor, just beyond the library. If you will excuse me… I believe I have matters to discuss with Greagoir," Irving said. He bid them farewell and left his study. Greagoir did not want the mages going to Ostagar… for a brief moment Rae entertained the idea of asking if she could be counted among the recruits to go, what with her fresh forward-thinking outlook, if Greagoir was even going to allow it. She may have been freshly a mage, but she was the most qualified of the apprentices. Even Karl had mentioned that her skills were quickly catching up to Anders. What an honor, to fight with the king's men.

"Well, shall we?" Duncan said, jolting her from her thoughts.

"Oh yes of course," she said. "Please, follow me." She led him from the study and they walked down the corridor.

"Please, allow me to carry that for you," Duncan said. Rae handed him the box, feeling the relief of the weight off her arms.

"Thank you."

"Of course." They walked in silence for a moment before Duncan glanced at her. "You are a thinker aren't you?" Rae grinned.

"So I've heard…"

"It is not a bad thing—one's mind always moving, always working things out, and always taking apart moments to find things that may be hidden. It is quite the feat."

"I don't… use magic to read into things… or thoughts if that's what you're saying," Rae clarified.

"It indeed is not what I meant," Duncan replied.

"Then thank you… might I ask you a question?"

"You may."

"Is… this a true Blight? I mean there have been rumors—we've heard of the horde; Irving held an announcement during dinner hour one day…" The Warden beside her remained quiet for a moment then answered her question.

"I do believe this is a true Blight. There are some who would debate that—but I am confident in what I know," Duncan replied.

"Oh… that's… terrible then," Rae replied, unsure of how to respond to such news. The mages seemed untouchable to Rae in their tower… but that of course was far from the truth; only further proven by the heated discussion she'd walked in on in Irving's study.

"Indeed. Very terrible."

"Are there mages in the Grey Wardens?" asked Rae.

"That is a good question," Duncan said. "I will say we have not nearly as many mages as I would like."

"Wait you… want mages in the Grey Wardens? You openly profess this?"

"Of course. You seem to be misunderstanding what it is to be a Grey Warden," replied Duncan as they stopped just outside of his room. "The duty of the Grey Wardens is to extinguish the Blight at all costs. We care little, if at all, for politics. Whatever goes on between the Chantry and the Circle is none of our concern. Mages are powerful allies—it only takes a few of you to clear out an entire chunk of a darkspawn army." Duncan sighed as he peered into his room. "I will admit… things would be far easier for us if politics were less—dominating. It seems everyone is out for a piece when the throne is weakened…"

"Pardon? What do you mean the throne is weakened?" Rae asked.

"Nothing. Thank you for escorting me young lady. Congratulations on your Harrowing," Duncan said authoritatively. Rae took that as a sign their conversation was over. He handed her the box with her robes; she nodded and bowed her head, watching him walk into his room and close the door behind him. She thought on his words for a moment then continued on. Perhaps she should go find her new room. It was better than hauling this box back down to the apprentice quarters, then back up again. As she rounded a corner she felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips. Cullen. Quickly she approached him. When he noticed her he smiled in return and bowed his head.

"Congratulations," he said.

"Did you have any doubts?" Rae asked with a smirk.

"Of course not. I see you've been given a nice staff, and your new robes I take it are in that box?" he asked. Rae nodded.

"…You can come help me into these new robes if you'd like…" she teased. Cullen's cheeks reddened and he cleared his throat nervously.

"That would be… really inappropriate and I couldn't," he said with a sly grin. "Not… on shift anyway."

"Well then I suppose we'll have to figure out another time," Rae replied tossing her hair back. "…So… could you point me in the direction of the senior mage's rooms?" Cullen gave a slight laugh and nodded. He pointed down the hall in the direction she was heading and indicated for her that it was just a few doors on the right. "Oh good. You know, this box is getting a bit heavy."

"I can carry it for you if you'd like."

"Oh would you? That would be wonderful," Rae said smirking and handed the box to Cullen. Together the two pressed on down the hall. "You know Cullen… had my Harrowing gone differently—would you have… struck me down?" His smile faded and he glanced at her.

"It would have caused me great pain to do so—but I serve the Chantry and the Maker—and I…" He was showing great difficulty with answering the question. "…I have heard how horrid abominations are; it would have been a mercy I suppose for me to…"

"I understand Cullen. I understand," Rae warmly reassured him, happily content with hearing nothing further on the subject of abominations.

"I'm just glad you're alright." They entered into one of the senior mage rooms. It was much smaller than the apprentice dorms, but there were only four beds total—large beds. No more bunks. Each bed was sectioned off individually by book shelves and stone walls. There was at the very least a modicum of privacy. Cullen placed the box down at the foot of her bed and looked about. "…Cozy."

"They have us squashed together like a can of fish…" Rae remarked. "But it's a giant step up from the apprentice dorms."

"I don't even want to take a guess as to how you survived that chaos," Cullen said. She looked around the small rectangular space she was afforded. The bed was spectacular. Beaming widely she flung herself down on the covers and spread her arms out to her sides.

"I can actually do this! It's amazing!" she announced excitedly. Cullen chuckled and leaned against the wall that separated Rae from her neighbor. She sat up then stood, walking around to the box at the foot of her bed and opening it she withdrew her robe. Atop it sat the small ring that Irving spoke of. She placed it on her finger and inspected it closely. A true Circle mage. She closed her eyes briefly in reverence to the apprentices who came before her and did not succeed. May they find peace and happiness wherever they were. She unfolded her robes, admiring the fabric. The bodice of the dress was golden with a slightly see-through material that would sit about where her collarbone was. A verdant skirt comprised the bottom half, with folds of fabric along the sides for keeping things. It was both simple and beautiful. A sash was strung through a loop at the back of the dress that would tie at the front and hang somewhat loosely. It was much like the design of the apprentice robe she wore—but much more beautifully woven—and she did adore the color green. She couldn't wait to change into it. With a devilish look she glanced over at Cullen who was admirably watching her from where he leaned on the wall.

"Cullen…" she said sweetly. Standing straight she beckoned for him to come over to her. He looked about cautiously then approached.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Will you undo my dress for me so I can change?" she said, batting her eyes. His response was a reddened, flustered look. "These buttons do vex me so sometimes…"

"But… I…" he looked around nervously, as if anyone was going to walk in at any moment. Rae placed a finger up to his lips and quietly shushed him then she let her arms rest at her sides.

"Well…?" With a slightly unsteady hand Cullen reached up and began to undo the fastenings down the front of her dress, opening it up to reveal the fair skin below her neck. As Cullen continued his hands steadied and she could see the look in his eye beginning to change. He wanted her—and she couldn't deny that she felt the same. When he had finished, her sternum was exposed down to just above her belly-button. To her surprise, but much welcomed, he ran his gloved hand down the center of the open folds of the dress, sending chills through her limbs.

"Damn gloves…" he muttered and smiled weakly. "There… it should… be fine now."

"Thank you ever so much," Rae replied, finding her breath had been stolen from her. She was fascinated at how her body was reacting to his slightest touch, to this moment. With one hand holding her dress closed she turned around to the bed and began laying out her new robes flat across the comforter. Cullen approached and placed one hand on her hip, and the other on her chest, over her heart; then he kissed the nape of her neck. "Do you have night watch?" she asked, nearly whispering, finding it was all she could do.

"I do not, my shift ends before dinner," he said quietly, focused, his breath warm on her skin quickened her heartbeat even more.

"Perhaps I will see you… then." She felt his lips on the back of her neck as a 'yes' then he left her without uttering another word. He needed to leave abruptly; his control had apparently been waning. Rae stood still for a moment, letting the rush of blood steady itself before she continued changing, with slightly quivering hands.

The robes fit wonderfully; they were tailored superbly to fit her. She inspected the sleeves however and entertained the idea of getting them taken in, remembering the time she noticed an apprentice girl set her sleeves on fire with one of her spells. The men's sleeves were fitted to their wrists, but the women's were not. It was strange, but she made up her mind to see the tower tailor about it. In the meantime when her things were brought up to her room she would do a temporary fix.

"I ran into Anders." Rae looked up startled to see Jowan at the entrance to her little niche. She looked down at her open bodice and quickly covered herself then stood, pacing to the other side of the small area, fastening the buttons as she faced the wall. Her head swam, rushed in thought at Jowan's sudden appearance on the heels of the moment she just shared with Cullen.

"Oh?" was all she could think of to say in her mild surprise. She was not expecting to see him until later.

"You spoke with him," Jowan continued, stepping forward into the secluded space, taking mental inventory of the space. "This is nice. Much nicer than the apprentice dorms. You are very lucky." Rae inspected her bodice and seeing that everything was fastened correctly she turned and faced her friend, extending her arms out to her sides. The fact Jowan seemed to lack his natural flustered nature at the moment offset her slightly.

"Well? How do I look?" she asked with a smile to conceal her nervousness.

"I always fancied those robes on the women…" he admitted. Rae grinned and did a twirl. "Alright, alright. Enough showing off."

"I thought I wasn't going to see you until tonight," Rae said, taking a seat on her bed.

"Yes well I had to come see you after I spoke with Anders," Jowan replied, sitting beside her.

"…What did he say," Rae asked reluctantly. Jowan smirked.

"Aside from the lengthy political discussion he said you had, you are also apparently quite the seductress you know," her friend said. Rae groaned and tilted her head back towards the sky.

"One person. I only seduced one person—intentionally, and that was Cullen, and that was because I have feelings for the man, but Anders? That was… very surprising," she explained.

"Is it? When you really think about it?" Jowan questioned.

"I suppose not—but you would've been just as confused Jowan."

"I'd rather not think about being kissed by Anders if that's all the same to you," her friend pointed out.

"Fair enough." Rae smiled at him and pushed herself back up on the bed more, curling her legs beneath her.

"I could see you with Anders better than I can picture you with that templar—although neither one is a safe match," Jowan remarked. Rae leaned forward and knocked him gently on the shoulder.

"Alright so then what would be a safe match?" Rae asked, turning herself so she could face him as she sat.

"Well technically no one considering where we are… I mean how many weddings do you ever hear of in the Circle?" Jowan asked.

"Quit dodging," Rae shot back—he was transparent as ever. He was thinking of someone, and she wanted to know. He grinned nervously and shook his head; at her impatience no doubt. "You know what would have been the logical match… the one that everyone was probably expecting…" Rae added. Jowan did not answer and she knew he was thinking the same thing. "With as long as we've been friends… I think I'm curious to know why we didn't ever…" Rae found her heart beginning to wildly beat in her chest, an anxiety coming over her that she felt bloom in a mild heat in her cheeks.

"Ever, what?"

"Ever… um…"

"Oh!" Jowan looked away from her and towards the entrance to her alcove. He began to drum his fingers on the bed nervously. After several moments of silence Rae sighed.

"It's alright, I know it was an odd question you don't have to answer it I apologize-"

"No, no." Jowan looked back at her and ran his fingers back through his hair uneasily. "That has crossed my mind before. Years ago. In fact for the longest time I was sure that we'd end up—together," he explained. Rae felt her heart sink; waiting for the next word she expected to come. "But…" there it was, "as we grew, I started to think of you as a little sister to me."

"O—Oh. Right! Me too. With you," Rae said. "I am glad we're on the same page about this." He looked at her strangely as she was so quick with her words. "I am going to grab some rest before tonight… I look forward to meeting with Lily and helping you Jowan." She gently pushed him up from the bed and stood with him, nudging him over to the entrance. He tried to say something, but she cut him off each time. "Alright, I will… speak with you later," she said. Jowan shrugged, still looking a bit confused, then he walked out of the dorm room. Rae waited for a moment before retreating back into her alcove and sat on the bed. Her face was flush with embarrassment. How childish, to ask him that question, then react in this manner. It wasn't as if she was surprised. If what he said was true—then it was her own doing that things never became what she wanted them to be. It was her fault, her own heart for taking so long to realize these things. Not him.

He had every right to move on—and the events as they were unfolding were necessary. She was growing closer to Cullen… and he loved her. Truly loved her. Her eyes studied each crack in the stone floor at her feet as she attempted to hold on to that thought, to make it all that mattered, to make it her everything. She sat with her hands in her lap, listening to the soft sounds of speech from some place else in the chamber. She sat thinking about where she stood…


	7. Chapter 7

Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter Seven: The Best Laid Plans of Initiates and Mages… End in Blood.

Dinner was an uneasy few hours. Anders, Jowan, Rae, and Karl sat silently eating their food, no words exchanged between them. Even Anders' usual brevity was missing from his face as he focused on the meal before him. Rae felt a wrenching guilt in her chest that somehow this unsettled quiet between them was her fault. She would fix it; she would make it up to her friends. Though, she was well aware that a majority of their somber attitude was due to the news of Jowan's secret meeting and all of the implications surrounding it. She felt they stood before a bridge that divided what they knew and what was to come; and it was uncertain as to who would take the first step across.

Her mind touched on the notion of being without them. She could not take her eyes from Jowan as Anders' words rested like a stone in her stomach. How oddly specific an example… what would she do if Jowan was ever made tranquil? Or what if this accusation of blood magic held against him was taken to the point where he would be executed? It took everything in her to keep her hands from shaking at the very idea. Next was Anders. Just how much longer until he attempted to escape again? He had another go in him; that was certain. As many as it took she believed until he was either free—or dead. Her head still swam with disbelief concerning the moment they had shared earlier.

Karl. The man was always so vigilant with his studies. Once he'd began focusing on his training to elevate himself to that of an enchanter, he'd been a rare sight.

It seemed the men slowly became aware of Rae's eyes on them and one by one they peered up from their food at her. Her throat tightened as she held back the tears in her eyes at the thought of being without them. A feeling, as foreboding as the one she had in the hidden library, spoke to her from within and told her that everything was about to change.

It was written in Jowan's face—in meeting this woman there was a real possibility of losing him. Suddenly Anders' words became something that could very well happen—Jowan had been there in the Circle longer than her, and yet he had not gone through his Harrowing. There were only two other options from that point, if a mage was never put to the test—Maker no. Why did Anders have to fill her head with such nonsense? But it was possible… it was a true possibility.

Such panic stirred in her chest at the slightest notion, with nowhere to go. In the middle of the dining hall, surrounded by people, laughing, talking—the sounds of plates and cups and eating utensils clattering and scraping; of the clanking templar armor, chairs moving—it walled her in. Jowan's hand was suddenly on her own, bringing her mind back to the table. The noises around her stopped being so invasive and became nothing more than ambient sound. Her heart, which had begun to feverishly beat in her chest, began its calm descent. Her eyes flickered up at him—at the other two.

She had Cullen. If someday she was to have these brothers no more, she had Cullen and his love. That would greatly help to alleviate the pain… but these men were her friends—her family. Things could not be as they were forever—just as a child could never be a child forever. Life moved in a forward motion, and with it brought changes, including jarring ones.

"Rae, are you…" Karl began, but she held up her hand to stop him in his questioning.

"I'm fine." She took in a deep breath, the tightness in her throat retreating. She was shocked at how her words sounded. They were hard, and unlike her. The look on the men's faces only further confirmed the strangeness of them.

"We should go now then… I'm sure Lily is already in our meeting place by now," Jowan quietly said, getting up from the table. The other three followed and took their dishes. Disposing of them in a great bin near the door they exited, aware of the eyes on them as they moved through the corridor. They followed Jowan through the hall until they reached the Chantry. He stepped inside, the others gazing at each other warily then hesitantly they followed. He led them to one of the alcoves, the one that Rae had him hiding in several nights before—and there stood a red headed woman clad in Chantry robes.

"Jowan… that is…" Rae said.

"Remind me how the Chantry is the safest place to discuss deviant behavior?" Anders asked.

"She is an initiate," Karl pointed out. Anders and Rae glanced back at the woman. Indeed, her robes did indicate she was an initiate, not a sister. Rae stepped forward.

"…Lily," she said. The woman nodded, and the two women very tentatively shook hands.

"Jowan there are so many others…" Lily said nervously. He put his arm around her waist and shushed her gently.

"They are my friends, and they are trustworthy. They've come to help us," Jowan explained. Rae looked to her friend's arm around the woman's waist. She swallowed down her rising jealousy and looked back at Anders. The man shrugged.

"Mages in relationships with Chantry initiates and templars… what's the world coming to? An end more than likely…" Anders commented.

"Anders quiet. Help you? …What do you mean?" Rae felt her panic begin to resurface slightly, trying her best to keep it from showing on her face. Jowan shifted uneasily, removing his arm from around Lily's waist. He looked to the woman, and she nodded as if it gave him strength to say what needed to be said. No, no—that woman was not where he was supposed to draw strength from, it was Rae, it was her, it was supposed to be her. "What is it?" Rae said impatiently, without concern as to how bitter she may have sounded.

"Rae… this morning Lily told me that she saw papers on Irving's desk, signed by himself and the knight-commander to perform the Rite of Tranquility on me," Jowan said. Rae looked from Jowan to Lily, then back to her friend. In the quiet following his words the weight of them fully bore itself down on Rae. It wasn't that she didn't understand, it wasn't that she didn't hear—or that distraction had taken hold of her mind; it was that the news was so devastating her natural reaction was to disbelieve it—even though it wasn't a surprise. No, it wasn't, was it? Slowly she turned from Jowan and looked at Anders who responded with a somber gaze back at her; he knew. He told her, in the alcove, in the study. He knew the entire time. So why not tell her outright?

"You…" Rae began, directed accusingly at Anders. Had the word been poison, the rebel mage would've been drowned in it.

"I may… have seen such a document when sweeping Irving's study earlier today…" Anders explained carefully. Rae's jaw tightened in uncontrollable anger and she lunged at Anders, only to be held back by both Karl and Jowan. Lily looked on in complete horror at her actions, but all Rae could see was red, and Ander's face—bruised by her own fist. She desperately wanted it, but the man was just out of reach as she flailed helplessly in the arms of the other two who were all that kept Anders from her wrath.

"What was the point of all that earlier!" Rae shouted, only to be shushed by the others. It angered her even more, but she did manage to gain control of herself enough to at least lower her voice—and stop in her grab for Anders' throat. Jowan and Karl slowly released her once they seemed satisfied she had no intentions of harming him.

"I was going to tell you," Anders explained, "…but the conversation took a different turn…"

"Oh, did it? When Anders? When you were telling me, 'hypothetically' that Jowan was to be made tranquil, or when you were deciding whether to kiss me on the cheek or stick your tongue in my mouth? Which, I thank you… by the way, for doing the former instead of the latter!" Her voice nearly squeaked in a rage-filled whisper. Once more she lunged forward, Jowan and Karl wrapping their arms around her to keep her back.

"It wasn't my place to tell you. It was his. When you told me he wanted to speak with you, I figured that's what it was about. And I was right," Anders calmly replied without flinching. As his words settled on her she stopped struggling.

"…Get off me," she said, wrenching herself away from Karl and Jowan. She withdrew herself from them and went to sit in one of the pews. She covered her face in her hands and hunched her shoulders, resting her forehead on the back of the pew in front of her. The seat creaked beside her with the sound of someone filling it. She didn't need to look to see that it was Jowan.

"…We both knew this was going to happen—one way or the other… when we first heard about your upcoming Harrowing. We knew," he said quietly. Slowly Rae nodded, then lifted her head from her hands, and looked at him. He gently took her by the arm and helped her to her feet, then led her back into the alcove where they could not be seen. Karl moved to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she flinched away from him—she wouldn't even look at Anders.

"Get on with it then. I assume you have a plan," Rae said, her words biting. Lily nodded, intimidated by her, then answered.

"The only way for Jowan to avoid his fate, is to escape from the tower entirely, but if Jowan is to be able to escape, we must destroy his phylactery—I know where the repository is and there are stored all apprentice phylacteries. Better still I also know how to get in through the enchanted door." Rae listened in stony silence, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"Hm… going against your vows and running about secretly with a man, a mage, of all men, breaking and entering, destruction of property, and aiding the escape of an alleged blood mage…" Anders commented, "this has bad ending written all over it. Well, I don't think it's any surprise that I'm game."

"While I do not condone such dangerous behavior… I will lend aid where I can to help a friend," Karl said.

"There is… one small problem," Lily continued, "there are two locks on the phylactery door, and the first enchanter and knight-commander are the only ones who hold the keys; but it is just a simple door, there is enough power in this place to destroy all of Ferelden. What's a door to mages?"

"Maybe it's a magical door," Anders said, wiggling his fingers. Jowan narrowed his eyes at Anders.

"He has a point," Rae stated flatly, throwing a look at Anders that seemed to say, 'this does not mean I'm no longer upset with you.'

"What choice do we have?" Jowan said, then an idea struck him and he turned to Lily. "I saw a rod of fire melt the lock off a door once. They are kept in the stockroom, but apprentices are not allowed access to such things."

"Why not just blast the damn thing open?" Rae suggested.

"We want to be as discreet as possible…" Lily gently replied, seemingly still fearful of how Rae may react to her.

"Right, but as I said, apprentices cannot access such things," Jowan said.

"…And even a senior mage needs a release form from one of the senior enchanters…" Anders added.

"That will not be an issue," Karl calmly stated. "Senior Enchanter Leorah owes me a debt…"

"Oh that's right… Maker bless that woman's deathly fear of arachnids…" Anders praised. Karl smiled and nodded.

"I will return shortly." He left the three of them in the alcove to carry out his task.

"So this is the friend you've spoken so much about?" Lily asked Jowan, catching Rae's attention. Fantastic, this is just what she wanted-small talk. Jowan nodded. "She is very beautiful, and must be as kind to risk so much for us." Rae felt her stomach tighten at the word 'us' but she put on a kind smile none-the-less and swallowed the bitterness building in her mouth.

"Yes. Jowan and Rae grew up together. They did everything with one another. Inseparable these two are—or were…" Anders chimed in. Rae glanced over at him, with a 'stop it right now or you're dead,' expression. When she looked at Jowan he seemed a little uncomfortable, but oblivious to what Anders was attempting to do.

"Yes…" Rae said between clenched teeth. "Jowan is my best friend. It's why I'm here. I suppose."

"You are alright with him… leaving?" Lily asked. Rae looked at her, surprised. What was this woman trying to get at?

"I'm fine. What must be done will be done. If Jowan no longer…" she paused. No, she was not alright with him leaving. She was going to miss every bit of him when he was gone—but that didn't matter. "If Jowan no longer being here means he'll escape from the Rite of Tranquility then... so be it." It didn't matter what the initiate meant—in Rae's mind, she had no other choice but to agree.

"Which, brings to question, do you trust this woman Jowan?" Anders chimed in gesturing to Lily.

"Yes Anders. I do," replied Jowan abruptly.

"Alright, alright… just covering what needs to be covered here. She still is Chantry after all—and they are quite the devious lot, she could've been instructed by Irving to tell you… just to see what you'd do," Anders said in his defense.

"Did you find out why they are performing the rite Jowan? Is it because they suspect you of blood magic?" Rae asked as Jowan seemed about ready to fight with Anders himself. Her friend nodded. Rae found herself wondering about the truth. It was unlike the first enchanter to agree to something without proof. There had to have been evidence. There must have been—and if there was, there could still be a question of its validity—it may have been falsified. How ever one falsifies evidence to suggest someone is using blood magic was beyond her, but if Anders was correct in his assumptions that Uldred, a senior enchanter was the blood mage, then the man may have been using one of the apprentices as a scapegoat—and there was no one more perfect for that task than Jowan. He was already looked upon somewhat unfavorably by those higher up in rank… and it cast suspicion low enough that Uldred could move about unnoticed.

Rae wished that Karl would hurry in his acquisition of the rod of fire. It was uncomfortable standing there in front of Lily and Jowan, and with the way Lily looked at her, Rae felt that the woman somehow knew without even asking that she had feelings for him. Well let her. It wouldn't matter anyhow; she would be getting what she wanted soon enough; a free pass out of the tower, out of Chantry life and into one with Jowan as her own—leaving Rae to watch her friends disappear one by one, just as she had figured at dinner, deploring her intuition. She wasn't going to swallow her bitterness; she was allowed that much at least for her sacrifice. Helping Jowan in this put her own life in jeopardy, and at the very least—her relationship with Cullen. Cullen had gone so far as to dare to love her; but she knew he could not cross the line that as she was about to.

Anders nudged her gently and she glanced to the side at him. He motioned to Jowan and Lily as they were gazing at one another, then grimaced. Rae let her arms rest down at her sides and she felt a slight smile tugging at the corners of her lips. There was no point in harboring such anger for him—he was right. The information was not his to tell, and perhaps he truly would have, had it seemed that Jowan wasn't going to. He smiled, and she figured he understood her relaxed expression as a sign of her forgiveness.

After more small-talk and awkward silences Karl did indeed finally return. He slipped the rod of fire out from beneath his sleeve and handed it to Rae, instructing her to wield it very carefully, and to keep it hidden until they needed it. "I will keep watch at the door of the basement and try to steer away anyone who may wish to go down," Karl said. Rae nodded.

"And I will make sure there is a lovely… lovely distraction in the templar quarters," Anders suggested, mischief twinkling in his eye.

"You aren't going to come with us Anders?" Rae asked, almost disappointed. He shook his head.

"You all will need time to get down there, destroy the phylactery then come back up unnoticed. The fewer templars running around in that area the better," Anders explained. Rae reluctantly agreed.

"Rae… do… you want to come with us?" Jowan asked.

"Of course I'm going with you. You'll need me to help you both into the phylactery chamber according to Lily," Rae said. Then all at once it dawned on her what he really meant. "You mean—I—no. My phylactery has already been sent to Denerim so I couldn't even if I wanted to," she added.

"You… mean you don't want to?" Jowan's voice was saddened.

"Where would I go? What would I do? I can't go on the run with you two—you'll want to I'm sure start a family, have… little… babies running around. I have no family that I know of… no one's contacted me since I was brought to the Circle… this is my home," Rae said. It felt truly empty admitting those things, but it was how things were. She looked from Jowan to Karl and Anders. "Anders, it's only a matter of time before you find your way out of here again—for good I hope, and Karl… you may very well become an enchanter soon which will mean I'll see you even less than I do now, if that's possible… I still have Cullen. Though I will miss you all, Cullen will take care of me I have no doubt—his love for me is not in question; and I am more than capable of managing for myself after all. I had the quickest, cleanest, Harrowing in quite some time, did I not?" Rae attempted a smile. Her three friends looked at her in understanding—and with expressions that hinted that each of them never thought about things before in that way she had put them. They were splitting apart. "Whatever may happen… know that I love all three of you—and that if I could go back and change anything—I wouldn't. If I could make it so I was never born possessing magic I would still take up such a gift, and curse if it meant being able to meet you three all over again."

"…You are an inspiring woman Rae," Lily said softly. Rae nodded thankfully, finding she actually did appreciate the woman's words.

"We should not take any more time," Rae said, taking in a deep breath to steady herself. Karl stepped up to her and embraced her tightly, rubbing her back.

"You, Anders and I will share a strong drink later after this…" he said. Rae smiled and nodded. When Karl pulled away Anders stood there before her. She lunged forward, wrapping her arms around him tightly, and she felt his arms around her back.

"…I promise to stay just a bit longer—for your sake," he muttered. Rae laughed into his chest and nodded. He pulled away from her, with his hands on her shoulders, then leaned in and kissed her on the cheek once more. A bit of a bold move, but Rae allowed it. "If I ever do make it out of here… I hope to find someone just as you are—only not spoken for," he said with a smirk.

"Good luck with that," Rae replied. Anders patted her shoulders then took his leave with Karl to hold up their end of the plan. "Well… shall we?" Jowan and Lily nodded and followed her from the Chantry. The three of them split up so as to not arouse any sort of suspicion as they made their way down through the tower. There was only one set of stairs so they needed to each arrive there at a different time. Rae couldn't get the image of Jowan's face from her mind as he looked at Lily. She couldn't remember him ever looking at her that way—and it was even more troublesome that he never would. It was entirely pointless thinking on these things now, of all times, but the thoughts still pushed their way in.

She could run. Not with Jowan and Lily, but she could perhaps try to escape later on with Anders. At the very least she would have been on the run with someone she trusted, and then been out of the Circle—away from painful memories she knew she'd have of her friends as they parted from her, but there was still Cullen. The crux of the issue. He was all that would have kept her here, in this prettily decorated prison. Being with Cullen meant she would have been better protected than anyone. He would have insured her safety at all costs among his templar brethren—but if their affair was to ever become public knowledge that would be abruptly ended. With as lenient as the Chantry in Ferelden seemed to be, it would not have prevented Cullen from being subject to discharge from the Templar Order, if not arrested outright, and she… well… she would have been accused of blood magic by the Chantry no doubt, controlling and poisoning Cullen's mind; responsible for his dereliction of duty and if she wasn't killed she would have been made tranquil. A mercy from the first enchanter no doubt, whose hands would have been tied.

She arrived at the basement door in one of the main halls on the first floor and headed down without waiting. Karl was already there, sitting on a bench, a stack of books beside him, pretending to be fervently studying. Once through the door she descended the steps down, down into the basement. The farther down she traveled the darker it became until she was forced to summon a small ball of flame into her palm. It bobbed up and down softly, never touching her skin as she held perfect control over it. Light radiated around her, guiding her safely down the stairs. On her way she lit the torches for the others as it was clear to her she was the first one. When she arrived at the bottom she stood before a large door. She held her hand up, casting the light of the flame over it to inspect its make. Interesting… something felt odd about it, as if it was ready to respond to her. Doors… don't feel that way.

A noise echoing off the walls of the stairwell indicated someone was coming down. She extinguished her flame and waited in silence to make sure that it wasn't someone unexpected. Lily soon appeared, glancing around warily. She looked so small and uneasy. Weak, Rae thought—then swiftly put it aside. Not the time. The woman wasn't all that bad… but what about…

"Lily, might I ask you something?" Rae said, startling the Chantry initiate. Rae lighted the torches near the door. As she did, the others came to life throughout the hall. Interesting.

"Yes, of course," Lily said, clutching at her chest then relaxing. When Rae was sure Jowan was not yet descending the steps she went ahead and spoke.

"Two days ago… Jowan was nowhere to be found. He missed lessons and no one knew where he was—then when he showed he was… on the brink of death. Anders had to perform a miracle to bring him back. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?" Jowan had already explained things to her in the infirmary, but something did not sit well enough with Rae, so she revisited her earlier assumption that perhaps this woman had something to do with Jowan's state. Lily shook her head fervently.

"No! Oh Jowan… I wonder what could've happened… maybe it was that blood mage running around," She looked stricken at what had been said. Rae studied her carefully—this woman did not have anything to do with Jowan's state that day. She was somewhat disappointed.

Another noise coming off the stairwell indicated Jowan's arrival. "Jowan!" Lily exclaimed running to him. "Your friend told me that you nearly died!" Jowan looked from Lily to Rae sharply.

"We're wasting time. How do I open this door?" Rae asked, taking the rod of fire from beneath her sleeve. Lily shook her head and came forward, standing beside her.

"The Chantry calls this entrance 'the Victim's Door.' It is built of two hundred and seventy-seven planks… one for each original templar. It is a reminder of the danger all those cursed with magic pose," she explained. Rae glanced sidelong at her.

"That's… lovely. How do we open it?"

"Only a templar and a mage entering together may open the door. There is a secret phrase that must be spoken that I learnt from a templar who recently accompanied a mage into the vault," she said. "It is crucial you came with us Rae… only one who has passed their Harrowing can help open the door." Rae looked to Jowan then back at Lily, nodding. She felt uneasy…

"Are you sure this templar wasn't suspicious at your asking?" Rae inquired.

"He trusts me. I have been very kind with advice and help for him," Lily confidently replied.

"Then… do… what you need to do," Rae instructed. Lily nodded and held her hand out towards the door.

"First, the password." She closed her eyes and bowed her head reverently. "Sword of the Maker. Tears of the Fade." Rae rolled her eyes, but kept quiet. There was an odd sound produced from the wood and Lily stepped back. "The ward is primed. You must touch it with mana in order for it to be released. Any spell will do, but hurry." Rae slipped the rod of fire back into her sleeve and stepped up towards the massive entrance. She placed her finger tips onto the wood and then she too closed her eyes.

She searched within her for that pool, the very essence that connected mortals to the Fade, and condemned herself and her kind to either a life on the run, or a life imprisoned—mana. It was what brought the three of them down into this basement in the first place. In a breath she released a portion of her power into the door, like water running under her skin, forming small patches of ice where her fingers touched. There was a loud creaking sound as the door groaned and opened. Jowan walked forward and shouldered it the rest of the way for them all to fit through. Revealed to them was a darkened corridor that burst to life in light in response to their entrance. There was another door just down the hall that they ran towards, stopping just before it. The hallway was not long—it bent from the second door into an 'L' shape revealing a third door at the end that had a fully dressed stand of armor stoically beside the entrance; but that was not their concern.

"Use the rod," Jowan instructed quickly. Rae nodded producing it from beneath her sleeve yet again and aimed it at the door. She concentrated as she attempted to link her power with the properties of the rod to access its power, but no matter how she tried, she couldn't piece together the link, and the power within the rod would not become hers to wield. Something was wrong.

"Why isn't it working?" Lily asked anxiously.

"Let me… try again," Rae said, her heart beginning to rush. Once more she concentrated, focusing on the very rod itself and its inner workings, its construction, the magical elements that comprised its form. She worked on moving them, unlocking them, uniting her very will with the purpose of the rod—and still… nothing happened. "It's… I can't do anything." Jowan put his hand out towards the door in an attempt to cast a spell—but nothing came of it. Rae tried next and realized it wasn't her inability to use the rod it was that her power was negated altogether. Lily turned to the door and stepped close to it, inspecting the wood and the archway around it.

"Of course… these runes carved into the stone—this must be the templars' work. I should have guessed. Why would Irving and Greagoir use such simple keys for such a door? Because magical keys don't work!" Lily realized, chastising herself for not thinking of this possibility sooner. "How do you keep mages away from something?" she went on to say, "make their powers completely worthless! That's it then, we're finished… we can't get in!" Rae could feel the woman become somewhat frenzied—and she herself was greatly troubled by this turn of events. Jowan just stared sadly at the door, as if it embodied his fate—blank… hollow.

"No! Jowan is not going to be made tranquil," Rae argued loudly, forcefully capturing their attention. "There must be some other way." As she spoke her eyes caught sight of the door further down at the end of the corridor on their right. "There, where does that door lead?" Rae pointed. The other two glanced in the direction she indicated.

"I… I don't know. Do you think it's another way in?" Lily asked.

"It probably leads to another part of the repository…" Jowan remarked. "What are the chances of there being another entrance?" Rae stepped forward, eyes fixed firmly on the door. She remembered—this wasn't always the Circle tower, it was a military hold before hand. It was very likely there was another way in—it would just be more than likely difficult to get to.

"Do we have another choice?" Rae said.

"No… I'll take any chance I can get," Jowan said hurriedly. Rae made her way towards the door, the other two trailing behind her. As she stood in front of it she felt different—as well as a chill from the empty armor helmet staring down at her, unmoving.

"My power…" Jowan said. Rae looked back at him to see his hands emitting a soft blue light which faded slowly as he let it. "Use the rod."

This time it would work. Rae pointed the enchanted item at the door and was easily able to make a connection with it this time. It expelled its power at her command, a concentrated stream of fire melting the immense, sturdy lock. She could feel as her own power was multiplied through the use of the rod, and wondered what it would have been like if she had her staff with her. With the exception of exercises, it was forbidden for mages to carry their staves with them about the tower—she was disappointed. Having just acquired it she was excited to begin learning how to use it. The lock melted off, falling to a mass of scalding liquefied metal onto the floor. Rae rushed forward, plowing her shoulder into the door and managed to push it open. Ow… but at least it gave.

As she did there was a great clanking sound behind them that caused her heart to leap into her stomach. Turning they discovered the still armor set that was gathering dust and cobwebs had come to life. It sprinted towards them, intruders into the secret place it was to protect. Jowan stepped in front of Lily and gestured with his hands, power channeling between them then thrust forward, releasing a massive burst of spirit energy into the sprinting sentinel. It was thrown back, collapsing to the ground and fell apart easily, scattering across the stone.

"…Magic guards? This… is not going to be easy," Rae remarked. Just as she'd predicted. "Come, let's hurry then." The three ran through the corridor as it twisted and turned before them. They only momentarily checked the rooms coming off of it for any sign of an alternate entrance into the phylactery chamber then went on when they discovered it didn't. Rae slipped the rod of fire back into her sleeve, taking point. She had no clue as to where she was going, but at least she could see what dangers sprang up ahead of them if there were any others.

It wasn't long before more magic induced sentinels came tearing around the corner of the hall in front of her, weapons raised. Rae slid to a halt, nearly slipping on the damp stone beneath her feet and held her hands up defensively before her, expelling an icy blast from her palms that caught the armor shells, freezing them in the spot. Without waiting she rushed forward, who knew what may have been coming up from behind them? Lily paused over the frozen sentinel for a moment, breaking the sword off from the ice and spinning it around in an impressive flourish. Jowan took the second sword, though knew nothing of how to handle it in the way it was apparent Lily could. Rae halted and looked back quirking a brow. Intriguing…

"Rae!" Jowan called, pointing behind her. She turned in time as an armored hand from a freshly woken empty set beside her reached out and grabbed her neck. It lifted her into the air, squeezing tighter and tighter until she couldn't breathe. Lily rushed forward and sliced through the arm that held Rae fast, severing it from the rest of the armor set. The initiate proceeded to cut down the sentinel, separating the pieces of its body until they scattered harmlessly across the floor. While the hand that clutched Rae's neck was no longer getting tighter, it still did not release itself. She staggered about the floor, trying to pry the fingers open as her head began to reel and her vision prickle. Jowan approached her as she fell to her knees, descending to the ground with her. He shoved his arm in through the armored gauntlet and painfully forced his fingers, twisting them the best he could through the glove until he was able to fit his fingers and release the grip from around her neck then tossed it to the ground far from them.

Rae gasped for air, reaching out and finding Jowan there to support her while her vision cleared and her head stopped spinning. "Rae, are you alright?" he asked.

"Dear girl…" Lily said, kneeling on the other side of Rae. "These will become worse tomorrow," she remarked, indicating the ligature marks around her neck. Rae looked over at her in mild confusion and pushed herself up, away from the two. What was that all about? For a moment Rae thought the woman looked—amused. Jowan didn't even seem to notice; perhaps it was just the lack of oxygen.

"…Keep moving," Rae hoarsely instructed. Her companions were on their feet quickly, following her. It wasn't exactly a maze—but the amount of rooms was daunting. Each one they had to carefully look through, it was taking more time than they had available to them. Karl couldn't sit down there all night—and no prank of Anders' could eradicate the issue of curfew. One of the rooms they entered was candlelit, much to their cautious surprise. There were several sets of hooks on the wall, and some of them had staves lying across them. Rae and Jowan looked at one another excitedly and each took a staff from the wall. Excellent. With their power channeled through these, any sentinels they came across would prove no challenge to them. Time to put their training to use.

"I recognize where we're going," Lily called, peering back out into the hallway. "We're almost to the repository. It neighbors the phylactery chamber." Rae nodded. As they rounded a corner they were halted by the appearance of a large group of sentinels down the hall, and spirit guards as well. Rae gestured for Lily to stand back and Jowan to meet her at her side. Together they each held their staves firm in hand.

"Let's burn things up shall we?" Rae said. She caught Jowan smirking out of the corner of her eye. He always did love a chance to play with fire. As the sentinels rushed forward and surges of magic from the spirits flew at them, the mages whirled their staves and slammed the bases of them into the stone. From the heads of their weapons a massive burst of fire power exploded forward, catching in the blast those sentinels who were sprinting towards them, as well as consuming whatever still remained at the end of the hall.

When the flamed dissipated, there was nothing left standing. They looked triumphantly at one another, while Lily merely stared in awe—and slight fear. They pressed on and reached the repository door. Rae opened it carefully, peering in slowly to see if there were any more sentinels inside. Just a room filled with artifacts—very old artifacts. The three entered, closing the door behind them, and stood for a moment, taking in the interesting collection around them.

"I wonder where this all comes from…" Rae commented. "I never even knew such a place existed in the tower…" Between this place and the library… curious. They took a moment to look around and inspect the curious things. Rae gazed up from a book she was flipping through and noticed a very peculiar statue in the corner. Placing the book back on the shelf she took it from, she approached the stone being. Was it some sort of historical figure? It wasn't anyone she recognized from the portraits and renderings in her readings.

"There's something… odd about that statue," Jowan said as he and Lily came up behind her.

"Why would it be here?" Rae questioned.

"How should I know? It's magical? This is a room of magical obj-"

"Greetings," the statue interrupted. Rae took a step back into her companions.

"Maker's breath! Did it just say something?" Jowan exclaimed.


	8. Chapter 8

Dragon Age Origins: ©BioWare

**Heart and Blood**

Chapter Seven: The Best Laid Plans of Initiates and Mages... End in Blood (pt.2)

"I am the essence and spirit of Eleni Zinovia, once consort and advisor to Archon Valerius. Prophecy my crime, cursed to stone for foretelling the fall of my lord's house," the statue explained.

"The archons were the lords of the Imperium…" Jowan said somewhat amazed. Tevinter? What were Tevinter artifacts doing within the tower? The statue continued in telling them of its story.

"_'Forever shall you stand on the threshold of my proud fortress,'_ he said, _'and tell your lies to all who pass.'_ But my lord found death at the hands of his enemies, and his once-proud fortress crumbled to dust—as I foretold."

"Do not listen to it!" Lily said fearfully. "The Tevinter mages dabbled in many of the forbidden arts… this is a wicked thing."

"It is a prophet, Lily," Rae gently rebuked. "The gift of prophecy… I wonder… do you think there's anything we can do to help this being?" Rae asked in sympathy.

"Weep not for me child. Stone they made me and stone I am, eternal and unfeeling. And I shall remain 'til the Maker returns to light their fires again…" replied the statue.

"…What?" Rae said questioningly.

"Ambiguous rubbish," Jowan spat. "It could mean anything. I could do it too: The sun grows dark, but lo! Here comes the dawn!" Rae snickered. A prophet…

"Stop talking to it. Please, the both of you!" Lily begged.

"Right. We can't afford anymore time. I have a feeling Karl and Anders have already done what they could," Rae said. They turned from the statue and went to actually inspecting the room for a way into the phylactery chamber. As Rae walked past one of the walls she heard a soft whistling from the other side. Just in front of it was an odd animal statue that gave Rae chills, so she immediately focused her attention back on the wall. There was a bookshelf in the way, but she could hear it. Air coming through—the wall was weak. "Jowan!" she called. He and Lily rushed over to her. She brought Jowan to the side of the bookcase for him to look at the wall.

"Wow, this old wall's about to come down at any moment," he said.

"Help me with the bookcase and maybe there's something we can use to destroy it," Rae suggested, putting down her staff. Lily came forward and the three managed to slide the bookshelf away from the wall, revealing a severely weakened set of stone rows behind it. Perhaps if she combined the rod of fire with the amplification her staff provided, she might be able to break through the wall with a single blow. "Step away," she said. Jowan and Lily moved back from the wall, and watched her curiously. Rae withdrew the rod of fire and focused her will upon it, touching it to her staff. She let her will flow through the rod and then into the staff, exploring its magical properties, like a key turning a series of locks until it once more bent to her desires. The staff reacted and a great blast of fire toppled the wall before them, nearly knocking Jowan and Lily off their feet. The sound echoed through the chamber—she hoped it didn't carry too far.

They climbed through the opening, through the jutting pieces of stone that remained and down a small set of stairs. Rae inspected the opening, noticing there was a very distinctive archway that must have once existed in this place—but was long since filled in. At the bottom of the stairs they entered into a dimly lit room. The floor seethed with a cold mist that caused Rae to shiver.

"This is the phylactery chamber," Lily said. "We must find Jowan's phylactery and quickly!"

"Then let's go." They moved about the shelves of vials, searching each name. Rae felt her hands become somewhat numbed by the cold—they must have kept it chilled for the blood, so it would not rot. That was a disturbing thought. Rotting blood. Disgusting. There was a set of stairs that led up to a landing above them. Up she went and searched each vial, carefully climbing up the shelves to look at the names of the ones up on the top. As she hopped down and straightened out her robes she glanced to her left, feeling something urging her to do so. Down the aisle she spotted a table with several sets of phylacteries. Slowly she approached, and knelt down, inspecting the names. "Jowan…" she said, her voice carrying through the room without needing to yell. She listened to the sound of their feet marching up the steps in her direction. Rae took the vial and stood, handing it to Jowan.

"…My phylactery. You found it!" He took it gratefully from her and turned away from the women, his eyes fixed firmly upon it. "I can't believe this tiny vial stands between me and freedom…" Jowan held it out in front of him. Rae's heart began pounding vigorously in her chest, but she could not place why. "So fragile… so easy just to be rid of it. To end its hold over me…" Jowan rambled. Rae wanted to step forward, to… stop him, but she restrained herself. It needed to be done. The vial left his hand and shattered on the floor, the blood splattering at his feet.

"And I am free."

Rae felt a touch of envy—but relief washed over her. Now he could leave, he could escape his fate. She wanted to reach out, to touch him… but Lily had moved forward first. Perhaps rightfully so. "Come on… let's get out of here," she said. The other two nodded and down the steps they fled. They were able this time to leave out of the main door. A rush of magic dissipated in jolts of electricity as it was opened, the seal being broken. …Strange. On they pressed.

Jowan celebrated his newfound freedom by picking up Lily and excitedly spinning her about while they made their way back to the main door of the basement. Rae only sighed. As they approached ascended the stairs up from the basement, Jowan placed a hand on Rae's shoulder, halting her. "Thank you for everything you've done…" he said. "Not just now… but all the years we've known one another." She turned and faced him, smiling as he spoke to her. For a moment she was able to ignore the fact Lily was even there. This—was going to be the last she ever saw of her friend. "I'm going to miss you…" Jowan said, placing a hand tenderly on her cheek. Rae placed her hand over his and nodded.

"…Just live your life Jowan." Rae looked over at Lily. It was polite of her to allow them a moment. She wondered if Lily felt the same twinge of jealousy. "You be good to him."

"I promise I will," Lily said warmly. She linked her arm in Jowan's.

"I know you will…" Rae replied with a gentle smile for the woman; then she looked back at Jowan. He smiled at her so wonderfully. Her heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest, such a pain twisted itself and made home there. Tears formed in her eyes and slowly trailed down her cheeks. Jowan wiped them away with his thumb. "I'm going to miss you so much Jowan," she said. Jowan moved away from Lily and embraced Rae tightly. She threw her arms around him, clutching the robes on his back. "Stay out of trouble." She heard Jowan chuckle lightly in reply. "I mean it!" When they pulled away she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her robe.

The three of them finished their ascent and walked through the basement door, shutting it quietly behind them, heading up the final few steps to the ground floor of the tower.

Rae felt her blood turn to ice in her veins as she saw the first enchanter and knight-commander standing before them. The room was filled with templars who had their weapons drawn, ready to strike them down. Her eyes scanned each of them searching their faces—and there he was. Such disappointment filled his eyes as he looked at her. Cullen… she thought.

"So what you said was true Irving, and even confirmed by Anders no less," Greagoir said. "Of all the tales spun by that mage and the difficulties he's brought us—yet here we are." Rae felt as if her insides had been hollowed. Did she hear correctly? She looked around once more—Karl was nowhere to be found. It couldn't have been… Anders would have never… and Karl? Why? Why would they do this? What did Anders have to gain by ratting them out? It was not like his character in the slightest. Not like him. Focus—she needed to focus on the moment. Her shock was beginning to weaken her resolve.

This was what complete hopelessness felt like—real, true hopelessness, not some emotion induced by a blood mage to make one easier to control. There was no way out here. There was no begging for mercy—for any of them. All she could think of to do was reach out and clutch Jowan's arm. He placed his hand on hers and looked steadfastly at those before him.

"G—Greagoir…" Lily said in shocked disbelief.

"An initiate… conspiring with a blood mage. I'm disappointed Lily," Greagoir said. Rae's stomach turned. Why were they so convinced that Jowan was a blood mage? Greagoir approached Lily. Jowan gave him space, while standing in front of Rae protectively. "She seems shocked," Greagoir said, inspecting the initiate, "but fully in control of her own mind. Not a thrall of the blood mage then. You were right Irving. The initiate has betrayed us. The Chantry will not let this go unpunished."

"Anders told them?" Rae frantically whispered in Jowan's ear. "He betrayed us… how… how could he…" She felt hysterical—worse than the night she had run from the blood mage; but Jowan merely held a hand up to calm her—though his eyes were very clearly alight with a similar fear.

"And this one," Greagoir said, pointing to Rae. She looked fearfully at the knight-commander. "Newly a mage and already flouting the rules of the Circle."

"It's not her fault!" Jowan argued. "This was my idea…"

"I am so very disappointed in you child…" Irving said. Rae's eyes bounced from one person to another, including Cullen whose face seemed more and more disparaging each time she gazed at him. Oh Cullen…

"As Knight-Commander of the templars here assembled, I sentence this blood mage here to death," Greagoir decreed.

And then it happened. Something inside of Rae finally clicked into place—the final piece moved to where it should have been.

"No!" Rae stepped forward instinctively pushing Jowan behind her. The knight-commander's gaze was turned threateningly on her, while the templars in the room readied themselves to run in at a moment's notice. The only one hesitant to change his stance was Cullen. "Jowan is not a blood mage! I will not let him come to harm! How dare you!" Rae bellowed, pointing at the knight-commander. Her voice echoed through the room and carried down the halls. "You do not know him. You have not grown up with him as I have. You delude yourself into believing you have authority over our lives, but you are mistaken."

"You would do well to hold your tongue-" Greagoir began, but Rae interrupted.

"No! I will not hold my tongue! Not anymore! You live in a world of fancy in which you believe yourself to be doing right and good, when all you are is a church appointed murderer!" Her voice strained as tears formed in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. "All of you!" she shouted, her voice nearly a scream as she waved her hand over the room of templars. "You take us from the arms of our mothers and our fathers as little children—our own families abandon us for reasons that are not our fault because of unnecessary fears you instill in them, and then you expect us to bow down when we are afforded no mercy? No decency? You give us a home oh what a mighty fine home is this gilded CAGE. Is that supposed to be mercy? You are afraid we will use our powers for evil—to kill and murder… what do you expect of us when we live day by day with a sword at our throat? None of you would do any different—to say that you would makes you liars and hypocrites!" She felt Jowan's hand on her shoulder, and only then did she realize she was shaking from such ferocity of emotion that raged within her.

Taking in several deep breaths Rae managed to steady herself, but her blood was marching rampantly through her veins. "And even now… in all of my anger and pain…" she looked directly into Greagoir's eyes, "you do your worst Knight-Commander, and I will show you that though I am a mage, I am also a better human being than you will ever hope to be. Do what you will, a demon will never take my mind, I will not give up in such a way—and as you strike me down… I will make you look into my eyes until the very end, and you will see… you will see you are nothing more than a murderer." A stillness settled over the room that only the sound of Rae's heavy breathing broke. Her eyes trailed to Cullen for a moment who had all but lowered his weapon. The only one. "…You know how when you were a child Knight-Commander…" Rae began, her voice much softer this time, "and when you scraped your knee… you would run to your mother and she would make it better for you? She would embrace you with open and loving arms and tell you everything was alright?" Rae's eyes trailed back to the man. "My skinned knees went untreated. I was never embraced. My mother so abhorred the sight of me she needed to send me away—and I was just a child. And you expect me to listen to a spoiled man? Spoiled by his mother's love? I think not."

"That is quite enough," Greagoir said, his voice carrying over the hall. "My declaration still stands. This blood mage will die—and you…" Greagoir pointed to Rae. "You and your initiate accomplice who has so chosen to scorn the Chantry and her vows, will be taken to Aeonar—for aiding a blood mage."

"The… the mage's prison?" Lily said backing away as several templars moved forward. "No. Not there!" Rae stood tall and silent as she awaited them to take her. She'd chosen her side and she courageously awaited the consequences of it.

"No!" Jowan cried. He pulled a dagger from his robes and held it in the air. "You will not have them!" Rae looked quickly over at her friend as he raised the blade above his hand. Her eyes widened as she realized what he was about to do.

The moment stilled, and the sound of her heartbeat filled her ears. A cold, bitter feeling formed in her stomach and traveled to her chest. At a speed quicker than the blinking of an eye her mind crackled with realizations. Everything made sense—Irving had evidence against Jowan, and saw him as a threat. It was just as likely that Jowan never had a run in with Uldred until the night that Rae did—but practice may have gone horribly wrong. Her eyes caught the glistening of the dagger blade in the light of the torches in their sconces on the wall and for a brief moment, she urged him to do it, to drive the dagger down, to send away the templars—but the moment passed and she knew that was utterly wrong. Before she could stop him he plunged the blade through his palm. He winced and cried out in the pain that followed as blood rose from the wound and enveloped his body in a protective barrier. The templars who had come forward backed away as Jowan raised his hands in the air.

"Jowan no!" Rae cried, but it was too late. He thrust his palms forward and every other body in the room was knocked to the floor. Rae stepped forward, looking over the scene in complete horror. She ran to the first enchanter and knelt beside his fallen body, placing her hand on his neck. He was still alive. Jowan hadn't killed them—he had just knocked them unconscious. Slowly she stood and turned to look at him. All this time… all this time he had lied to her; and after all she had said in his defense. Yet—she found she wasn't surprised. Horrified perhaps, but something in her had a feeling that perhaps Jowan was partaking in blood magic, but with every fiber of her being she still knew that he wasn't capable of evil. What did that mean then? Did she not regard blood magic as evil? Did it depend on the wielder? Her eyes once more scanned the room. The templars began to stir, though very slowly. They had suffered a great shock—and she didn't feel much different.

"By the Maker… blood magic!" Rae looked over to Lily who was backing away from Jowan. "H—How could you? You said you never…"

"I admit, I… I dabbled. I thought it would make me a better mage!" Jowan replied. Rae kept silent as she watched them.

"Blood magic is evil Jowan… it corrupts people… changes them," Lily shakily remarked.

"I'm going to give it up! All magic! I just want to be with you Lily… please… come with me," Jowan pleaded. The tone of his voice broke Rae's heart.

"I trusted you…" Lily said, her voice cracking beneath the weight of her anguish, "I was ready to sacrifice everything for you. I…I don't know who you are blood mage. Stay away from me!" Lily backed away from him, holding her hands out protectively. Jowan stumbled back as if he'd been struck, leaning on the wall that lined the basement stairwell. Rae left the first enchanter's side and ran to her friend to steady him. The sounds of the templars coming back to life reached her ears.

"Jowan you have to go," Rae urged. There was an ache on his face that radiated even within Rae as she looked at him. Finally she placed her hands on his cheeks and forced him to look at her. She drew him in and kissed him hard on the lips, closing her eyes. She pulled away just enough that her lips brushed against his as she spoke. "I love you Jowan… I'm sorry I couldn't have seen it sooner… I'm so sorry." Rae looked up into his eyes. "You have to go."

"Come with me," he said to her once he found his way out of his stupor. She shook her head.

"Someone needs to stay behind to make sure you have time… I'll be fine. Go!" She pushed him away from the wall and he stumbled out into the room, nearly tripping over a groaning templar. Jowan looked around, as if seeing the damage he'd caused for the first time, horrified—then his eyes met back with hers and he turned and ran.

"You just let a blood mage go free," she heard Lily coldly profess. Rae turned to look at the woman with a stare that was equally as frost-ridden.

"I let the man I love go free, so that he could have a chance at life—and you? You're no better than they are…" Rae looked over the crowd and saw the first enchanter moving. She rushed over to him and knelt beside the old man, helping him to sit up.

"Oh…" he groaned, "are you alright? Where is Greagoir?" The knight-commander grumbled beside them and slowly sat up, rubbing his head in a daze.

"I knew it…" he muttered, slowly getting to his feet, while Rae helped the first enchanter to his. "Blood magic. But to overcome so many… I never thought him capable of such power…" Greagoir observed as he looked around the room at his fallen templars.

"None of us expected this," Irving replied sadly, "are you all right Greagoir?"

"As good as expected given the circumstances! If you had let me act sooner this would not have happened!" Greagoir argued bitterly. "Now we have a blood mage on the loose and no way to track him down…" The knight-commander turned on Rae. "Thanks to you…"

"We both know I won't be lamenting for your lost cause this day Knight-Commander," Rae replied smartly. Greagoir turned from her, it seemed he did not even wish to bother with her at the moment, and instead looked for Lily.

"Where is the girl?" he asked.

"I… I am here sir," she said, lurking back from the shadows. Coward, Rae thought.

"You helped a blood mage! Look at all he's hurt!"

"She did not know he was a blood mage, just as I didn't," Rae said. The least she could do was at argue for this woman's case. She may not have liked the initiate much, but it wasn't right for her to be punished when she was merely lied to.

"Save your breath, I can speak for myself," Lily snapped. Rae quirked a brow. Alright, if that's how she felt about it. "Knight-Commander I… I was wrong. I was accomplice to a blood mage," she said, stepping forward. It took everything in Rae not to scoff at her actions. So much for Lily's great love for Jowan. "I will accept whatever punishment you see fit. Even… even Aeonar."

"Get her out of my sight," Greagoir commanded. Yes, please, Rae thought sourly. Several templars who had managed to get back up came forward and took Lily from the hall. Rae glanced around and saw, much to her relief that Cullen was sitting back up again, soon being helped to his feet by some of his comrades. "And you…" Rae sighed in frustration as Greagoir turned his attention back to her. "You were in a repository, full of magics locked away for a reason."

"Did you take anything important from the repository?" Irving asked.

"Jowan and I used some staves we found First Enchanter, but that was all. We left them there," Rae admitted. Irving nodded gratefully.

"Finally some honesty, but your antics have made a mockery of this Circle!" Greagoir yelled in seething frustration. "What are we to do with you? For all your pretty words… so sure your friend was not a blood mage, yet here we are," Greagoir said. Rae felt that stab right in her chest—he was right, but her mind was made up, and there was no backing down now.

"As I said Knight-Commander…" Rae's glance trailed over the man's shoulder to Cullen who was approaching them. "As I said… I will accept whatever fate you have planned for me—if I must become a martyr for my people, I will." The knight-commander rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Martyr," he scoffed disdainfully. "Do you feel no remorse for your actions?"

"…The only remorse I feel is that I did not see he was a blood mage sooner, so that I may have stopped him—if that would have made any difference in the decision to make him tranquil. Other than that, I did what I needed to do to save my friend. Even in the face of apparent betrayal from… the others…" Rae replied. Now that things had settled somewhat she remembered just why it was all of this was happening—Anders had played a large part in this. It just made no sense. None at all.

"Then it seems what needs to be done with you is clear…" Greagoir said. Rae lifted her head. There was no more fear. If she was to be made tranquil, or die, she knew that what she had done was for the best—and that she had no regrets—her eyes briefly moved to Cullen: no… just one regret.

"Knight-Commander… if I may." They turned at the sound of the newcomer, the templars parting as Duncan approached. The Warden-Commander… curious. "I am not only looking for mages for the king's army, but I am also recruiting for the Grey Wardens. Irving spoke highly of this mage. I would like her to join the Warden ranks."

"Absolutely not. This mage is to be punished for her crimes against the Circle," Greagoir argued.

"She has exhibited that which a Grey Warden must embody Greagoir—a willingness to do what is necessary no matter what. Fighting darkspawn Knight-Commander requires such dedication, often at the expense of all else," Duncan calmly explained. Rae attempted to keep up with what was going on. Was this man truly attempting to recruit her into the Grey Wardens? Even after all this?

"I must object! This issue must be investigated and I will not release this mage to the Grey Wardens," said Greagoir vehemently. Rae could almost see the man's face reddening against his pale silver armor, and she couldn't deny that it did amuse her ever so slightly.

"If the Grey Wardens will have me—then I will go," Rae said. Greagoir opened his mouth to protest, but the Warden-Commander spoke first.

"Greagoir, mages are needed. This mage is needed. Worse things plague this world than blood magic—you know that," Duncan stated firmly. "I take this young mage under my wing, and bear all responsibility for her actions."

"This mage does not deserve a place in the Order!" bellowed Greagoir, his face now clearly crimson in building rage.

"I'm afraid Duncan is right Greagoir. Even if it is only in part, I understand and share your concerns, but I trust the warden-commander and his expertise, and judgment… as should you," Irving gently advised. He turned and looked at Rae, a touch of disappointment in his eyes, but she would not deter from her steadfast feeling that she had done a righteous thing. "You have an opportunity few even dream of—do not squander it."

"Thank you First Enchanter—thank you for everything," Rae said.

A loud clanking sound of armor heralded a templar sprinting into the hall out of breath and up to them.

"Knight-Commander!" he said, trying to catch his breath. "The mage, Anders, he's gone!"

Rae smirked. That rat bastard. He used them—he and Karl; used them for Anders to be able to escape. She felt an anger roiling inside of her that could only come out in a chagrined smile. Damn good show. Greagoir looked sharply at Irving who sighed tiredly. She felt sorry for the old man—he was only doing his best, and well, she at least wasn't proud to add to his worries, but somehow he'd be fine. All she knew was that now she was a free woman, and if she ever saw Anders again… he would taste her fury. It seemed ironic to her that of any one of them who ultimately looked to accomplish an end by whatever means, Anders had now shown himself to be the best of them at it. What a fine Grey Warden he'd make, she bitterly thought, before shoving a knife in their backs.

"I'm sorry Irving that the situation is only compounding on itself, but we must make our way to Ostagar where the king has his army camped," Duncan said then looked to Rae. "You will be initiated there. I will explain more when the time comes."

"Irving this is lunacy!" Greagoir said in extreme vexation. "How do we know she was not involved in Anders' escape as well?"

"Believe me Knight-Commander, if anything, believe me when I say I had no knowledge of Anders' escape. He used us, and that if the Maker turns his gaze upon me, and I ever cross that two-timing bastard before your templars find him… there won't be much left for them to bring back to the Circle," Rae stated. Greagoir looked at her somewhat shocked. She turned her gaze back to Irving. "…I'm sorry First Enchanter… I hope that I may one day make you proud of me again, but it seems as if there is nothing left for me here now." Irving nodded his head sorrowfully. She gazed at Cullen who could not look her in the eye. So that was how it was to be.


End file.
